Girl Porn

ntg2978

Active Member
Once again, I don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to just make this short and sweet.


I really get excited when I think of you you're going to be when this part of your life is complete, and what you're going to be able to do with all the strength you are going to inherit as a result of it all...it literally gives me goose bumps all over.


All I've got to say, is that I think your last post is showing that you are becoming this person.  I am really excited to see this; this is the same exact reaction I had to porn as a whole as well when I discovered everything that you are talking about as well.

And I'll say one more thing too.


@ntg- Part of my perspective is my age. I'm 30- I want to have a kid before I'm 35 or my risks go through the roof. Not that adoption isn't completely on the table but brother, I ain't got time to hold out for Mr. Perfect to waltz through the door. And I'm in AU, so that's all very messy stuff. I've got three years here then I'm going back to the States- where I want to pop one out (or hopefully pay someone to pop mine out) pretty immediately. You can see that it's not always as simple as waiting it out.  You know, my good friend told me to quit babying my SO too. She said that sometimes people need to fall flat on their face. I've certainly been giving him more emotional responsibility lately but that seems easier now, since I've had to face my own demons- I find it easier to discuss things with him (since I'm not running away to P).


I got married originally based upon logic...it was the WORST decision of my entire life.  I speak from experience when I tell you this:  do not base love decisions on logic ALONE; yes, use logic, that is very necessary, but do not use logic and only logic and reason and convince yourself of things, because they are logical conclusions...this is the absolute wrong path to go in the matters of love.

I know you're feeling rushed, but the more effort you put into it, the more you try, the more it will all evade you.  Learn how to relax through meditation.  Learn how to rely upon the subconscious mind more than the conscious; the conscious makes decisions - it is logical; the subconscious does the actions, it is not logical, yet very powerful.  A book I'll recommend is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, very good book on this whole subject, and a good start for you on this path, should you choose to take my advice.

As always sister, very proud of you, and I know you'll be just fine, even if you don't know it yourself yet.
 

chiefmitch88

Active Member
Hellex,
I'm not even sure I can answer that question but I am going to give you my opinion right now. I personally look at life as a hike that we must do on our own. It is terrible and lonely at times but it is also enriching and rewarding. As you said, it's up to you to determine the moments that count.

Partners are just people who walk beside us for a time and if we are lucky we choose a companion that enlivens the trip. However, there are definitely people that make the journey worse. I have just started to grasp that I was the one wallowing and lagging behind with my selfish indulgence. 

I do believe that great companions exist, but none of them are perfect. Also, life requires more companionship than one person can provide. So try walking beside some trusted friends and family for awhile. Glean some life lessons from their combined wisdom. This has been my path lately. I'm going to keep on it because I am learning to believe in myself for a change.
 

hellexfire

Member
Aflame.

Rosy petals, chimney oranges. and crisp mellow yellows have me by the throat and I'm not struggling a bit. I'm finally in a good place, albeit an anxious place, it's devoid of demonic hunger and feeding monsters.

At first I flipped out because with not smoking and not using, I started eating more and that made me gain some weight. But I have just completely let myself off the hook and said "you know what? Let's ride this one out. It's okay to be a lazy bones and take solace in sugar for a  while." I'm on my own Eat, Pray, Love journey except it's like Eat, Eat, Love for me.  And I'm really okay with it- for a time. I know that sooner than later I'll have to reign it in- endless self improvement. But for now, I'm taking one day at a time and actually enjoying the sugar which will walk me into a diabetic coma later down the road if I let it. Don't worry, I won't.  It's just like my way and I haven't figured out how to fill the void completely yet but I am certainly getting there.  I wean myself off one indulgence to the next but they are getting less destructive as I go along.

I'll be getting Invisalign next month so I know with that will come built in restrictions-it's too much work otherwise. Good news- I might have found the perfect supervisor. We'll see, I always feel like not getting my hopes up because when I do, shit doesn't work out. I'm expecting the worse, expecting the best so I'm covered either way it blows out.

Looks like it's time to change my counter- a new goal, yes.
Simplicity finally upon me and eluding me not right now for a strand longer. I don't know how long this shall last and I see the stuffed comfort in it; packing in morsels of comfort because I finally realize I've been trying to masturbate my way to home or safety or some Dorothy-land that I can't express and hasn't existed for me. I'm finally accepting that right now, this is my way. I'm finally in a great place with my partner and accepting his flaws as he accepts mine and I'm not fighting temptation any more. It's not a struggle. I've just accepted that it sucks and it sucked so much that I stopped letting it suck out my energy and soul. It's sloth work, moving forward, but I am. My mind is pregnant with the fat-full greed of snuggling in for comfort right now.  I haven't figured out why I'm so uncomfortable, why there's this constant buzzing in me for something- drugs, booze, O's, P, nicotine, whatever. But I'm not giving in- except to waaaaaay too much cinnamon muffins but I don't even let it phase me for a minute. I'm just indulging over the fucking top on sugar and loving every dirty minute of it. Lesser of two evils.

It sucks less today than it did yesterday.
Someday I'll be totally whole.
Not today.
But today, I'm totally happy so what the fuck is the difference? x
 
P

PapaThales

Guest
A marvelous journal!  Confessional NoFap literature par excellence!  And very helpful I might add.  I wish I had encountered this one before I started writing my own. 
 
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