Question for the ladies

[147mrmw]

I'm just a guy dealing with my own problems.

This site really opened my eyes to the struggles women face.  I had no idea things were this bad.  Is there any place for men to help struggling women or is that creepy?  I'm talking female friends or co-workers. 

Are there warning signs in women that we should be looking for?  Also, does this affect women of all backgrounds...young, old, white, black, skinny, curvy, rich, poor, etc?

 

[hellexfire]

Now, that's a curious set of questions you propose. We don't have enough data on the demographics of women suffering from this but there are people in the process of collecting such data, I'm sure (and I'm one of them).

Warning signs- my hypothesis is that you will be able to see childhood predictors in future addicts of any kind but specifically in regard to sexual, pornographic, or orgasm related addictions, I believe you will find detached parenting styles to the addict, emotional instability, histories of abuse will be common, and perhaps even internalized self expressions. We'll have to see what research says and that will take time but there's every reason to thing that it's a healthy stab. I think examining women will reveal a cataclysmic social construct aiding in their battles.

It would absolutely be creepy for a male specifically but anyone to 'help struggling women' in the friendship or working zones (especially co workers bro). This is a solid forum which promotes boundaries and helps everyone to talk about things most of us aren't talking about in day to day life with anyone but our most trusted loved ones. If there is any place for men to help struggling women, it would be in a professional, therapeutic, or guided atmosphere. For example, workshops, support groups, conventions, or other speaking engagements dealing with this material. x

 

[147mrmw]

I was talking about women who bring the subject up, not the other way around.  That's never happened (yet) but I was wondering how to handle it.

The reason I asked is because all the way back to my high school days, I've had ladies tell me some extreme stuff...i.e. how they were raped, problems with their BF/husband, etc.  Sure I will listen, but I typically feel woefully inadequate telling them anything since I'm not a professional. 

 

[ntg2978]

I think it's commendable that you want to help women, bro.  In today's society, unfortunately, this inherent desire in most men is not needed anymore (at least not on a large scale).  Yet, what I think you can do, and what really helps all women is to do exactly what you're doing....just listen to them.  As men, we talk in order to get advice and come up with a solution.  Most women (in my experience) talk in order to be understood and feel some kind of connection (this helps them feel better and more at peace with what's going on, same as how we feel better and more at peace when we've come to some sort of conclusion about what we're going to do).  You don't need to offer them advice at all, just be there for them, and listen to what their really saying, and you will be helping them beyond what you understand.

 

[kaybee]

Ntg has it exactly right, the best thing you can do for a woman who confides in you is to listen. You can definitely give her links to rebootnation and yourbrainonporn, but I would also say that she would not be looking for you to fix her, just for someone to talk to. 147mrmw, I don't think it's creepy that you asked. I know that some men just send out that vibe of being someone safe to talk to, and I'm not surprised you encounter a lot of women who confide in you. Good on you for being a solid support.

 

[chickaboomski]

From a womans point of view... if I was to bring this up to a male friend, yes listening is a definite however, I would have to say if you have knowledge then share it. It is possible to do it in a non creepy way. Such as by saying it is the new age crisis and is really common, and there are online forums and help. Then guide them to YBOP and gere ect. Seriously, of a male friend would talk to me about this it would help me tremendously in understanding how my partner is feeling, the stages, whats normal, whats a sure sign his still doing it. Although, it is obvious to me when he is, what not to confuse as use but the normal fight of mind breaking an addiction, we all seek validation in one way or another. So if a woman does come to you, which may or may not happen. She just needs to know she is not crazy, whether or not it is her or her partner with the addiction. But hey, I am just one woman. Others might think differently.