Anturak
Member
It looks like this path has been really tough on you 
I wish you the best, and I'll add in my 2 cents for moral support.
First of all, I firmly believe that we are all damaged goods. Not all as in all who are on this site, I mean all the people, everywhere in the world. I believe there is not one among us who has had smooth sailing all throughout their life. So please do not let yourself be disheartened by this. There is quote from Venerable Ajahn Chah (a Buddhist forest monk) that goes like this:
Before saying a word, he [Ajahn Chah] motioned to a glass at his side. ?Do you see this glass?? he asked us. ?I love this glass. It holds the water admirably. When the sun shines on it, it reflects the light beautifully. When I tap it, it has a lovely ring. Yet for me, this glass is already broken. When the wind knocks it over or my elbow knocks it off the shelf and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ?Of course.? But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious.?
I love Ajahn Chah. He's awesome.
Secondly, it is then not what has happened to us in our past that defines us, but what we make of it. What we grow to be. How we use that experience to blossom into a person who we can ourselves learn to love.
Thirdly, the right guy or girl will come along when you least expect them. What's important right now is to develop yourself into someone who you can love. See the things you've been putting off that you love and make you feel wholly fulfilled and in the zone. See what causes you stress and grief, anger, misery, and sadness, and do whatever it is in your power to leave them aside. Really build the resolve and the conviction to not engage yourself in the activities your past self would have. Lastly, learn to notice the amazingness that is around you! The small things in life are fleeting, but if we really, and I mean reaaaaallly pay careful, wholly engaged attention, you'll notice the richness and depth of the world you live in, and you'll become distraught that you've been overlooking so many beautiful moments, to think about worries about an uncertain future that will never get better with worrying and a past that will never be brought back through ruminating.
My best wishes are with you
I wish you the best, and I'll add in my 2 cents for moral support.First of all, I firmly believe that we are all damaged goods. Not all as in all who are on this site, I mean all the people, everywhere in the world. I believe there is not one among us who has had smooth sailing all throughout their life. So please do not let yourself be disheartened by this. There is quote from Venerable Ajahn Chah (a Buddhist forest monk) that goes like this:
Before saying a word, he [Ajahn Chah] motioned to a glass at his side. ?Do you see this glass?? he asked us. ?I love this glass. It holds the water admirably. When the sun shines on it, it reflects the light beautifully. When I tap it, it has a lovely ring. Yet for me, this glass is already broken. When the wind knocks it over or my elbow knocks it off the shelf and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ?Of course.? But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious.?
I love Ajahn Chah. He's awesome.
Secondly, it is then not what has happened to us in our past that defines us, but what we make of it. What we grow to be. How we use that experience to blossom into a person who we can ourselves learn to love.
Thirdly, the right guy or girl will come along when you least expect them. What's important right now is to develop yourself into someone who you can love. See the things you've been putting off that you love and make you feel wholly fulfilled and in the zone. See what causes you stress and grief, anger, misery, and sadness, and do whatever it is in your power to leave them aside. Really build the resolve and the conviction to not engage yourself in the activities your past self would have. Lastly, learn to notice the amazingness that is around you! The small things in life are fleeting, but if we really, and I mean reaaaaallly pay careful, wholly engaged attention, you'll notice the richness and depth of the world you live in, and you'll become distraught that you've been overlooking so many beautiful moments, to think about worries about an uncertain future that will never get better with worrying and a past that will never be brought back through ruminating.
My best wishes are with you