30 days today!

[lyon03]

It's flatline brother. Pick up a copy of "Your Brain on Porn" by Gary Wilson. It helped me understand the neuro-science of porn addiction and withdrawal/flatline. Remember withdrawal/flatline = healing. So you have to learn to love the pain in a f*cked up kind of way. Be well my friend. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[ready2go]

Wow Curtis, you're doing great.  I have read that quitting a lot of bad habits at one time is actually easier than going one at a time.  I guess you're finding that to be pretty accurate.
The flatline is no fun, and mine is a little bitsy tiny one too, so ok I won't win any admiring looks at the gym, but on the other hand I'm not really tempted to do anything I would rather not.  So that works.  That said, I did find wood in my shorts this morning that went on for a quite a while, which was amazing and surprising, so who knows what is next? 
Keep going man.  You're really on this!!

 

[Curtis]

THanks ready2go. Stopped drinking (with AA) 3 glorious years ago. Took that long to be able to face (or even notice) porn addiction, and other distortions in my life, such as that I was gay but married to a woman (?). Cigarettes and coffee (at least, the way I smoke and drink coffee), also bizarre. So lumping them all together...feels right. I don't want to wait
On these, day 15 for it all. Who knows what else I'll discover about myself...but for now, this is where I'm focused. Curtis

 

[savingmysoul]

You are doing great Curtis.

Keep hold of your strength - let it carry you forward.

 

[lyon03]

Hey brother. Congrats on breaking 15 days! And good luck with your move to the new apartment. Feel free to Skype me if you want to chat with a former ex-hetero. Be well my friend. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[Phase2]

Just thought I'd bring this up: Cam chat is a huge trigger for a lot of guys. Be careful, men.

 

[Curtis]

Phase2--wise view, about cam and triggers. Not really sure if that, or manhunt searches, etc., count as "triggers"  or porn itself. I'm sort of following this rule (for now). Making out (no MO nor O) ok with a friend, and "friend" for me means someone I actually like, and want to do things with other than make out. I also do "coffee", which for me is now "water" while I watch them drink coffee, with guys who might interest me. The restraint required...let's just call it part of the pain of healing, and one of the costs associated with doing whatever i felt like the last many years, with all these unexpected consequences. But on this, my little PIED Piper down below is helping to keep me humble, and stick to my goals...for once.
Is it just me, or does anyone else have fantasies about meeting up with the very cool men they encounter on YBOP? I'm sick! (but at least, getting less sick?). This no PMO thing so far, is a pretty excellent adventure. Curtis

 

[ready2go]

You are not alone Curtis.  Where will one find a better class of men? 

 

[lyon03]

I think porn addicts all fantasize so it's normal to fantasize about people here, on YBOP, Gabe (or 'Babe') Deem (grrrr), etc. We have trained our minds to constantly look for sexual partners. Hell I have a man crush on Ready. I wrote in a previous post that I spent years looking at the most perfect men (physically) online. But I've seen probably two or three people in real life who look like porn stars. Real life is nothing like an action movie, and a real sex life is nothing like a porn video. If all we look for is fantasy, we are doomed to disappointment in real life. Even if real life is so much more textured and beautiful. So I applaud meeting people for 'water/coffee' and the make out sessions. You're building a real life my friend. Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[Curtis]

Thanks Lyon---but you can't have a crush on Ready...he's mine!

 

[Phase2]

That's all fine. I claim djdevilct!

Have you noticed that it's mostly the gay guys on here that are posting a lot and keeping these threads going? What else is new...we're the ones doing the heavy lifting. Personally I wouldn't mind hearing Gary Wilson and Gabe mention gay men more often in their videos or posts or lectures: porn is a problem that affects all of us, not just the straight dudes. Invisibility is so 1980s. Especially when we are the ones on here posting and figuring shit out. And then there's that fear mongering subtext that keeps coming up that the worst possible thing that can happen for a man is to start out on straight porn and then, ohhhhh noooooo he looks at gay porn to get off. There's even a clinical term being used here now for the fear of turning gay. Well, in the end I was actually looking at straight porn and hell yeah vaginas gross me out completely so it goes both ways. And I don't want to be straight either: do we need a name for that too? LOL. Nah, I'll sac up and deal, but how about some equality and respect, RN?

Rant over. Have a great Wednesday guys. Day 66 here of no P or M. Stay on that path!

 

[lyon03]

Great post brothers. Looks like we all have our virtual crushes. Funny you should mention straight porn as I too was so far into my addiction only hetero sex could get me off. And I have ZERO interest in lady parts. I know. I tried to like lady parts for 16 very very verrrrrry long years of marriage. Despite growing openness towards gays, men (and particularly North American men) still seem to think they're just a click away from some prison shower rape nightmare. I've recently read a post on RN labelling homosexuality a 'sin' and 'evil.' Whenever anyone quotes scripture, I can't help but think: if it's so evil, please send me your search history. Oh look, 'gay leather gangbang' didn't seem so 'evil' on December 30th, 2014. It all boils down to the same debate: many still believe homosexuality is a choice (nurture) and therefore can be controlled; usually through prayer. Others swear by genetics (nature) claiming we were born this way. My opinion is this: there has to be a kernel of something, whether through genetics or our history, that leads to action. Why does a man become an alcoholic whereas another does not? Why can most of us watch violent movies, yet few randomly shoot people? Unless you already have the pink glittery kernel of fabulousness, you don't just spontaneously turn gay. I think this is why so many closeted men vilify our community. My challenge to gay-bashers is this: why are you thinking so much about gay sex (and the kernel goes POP)? 

       

 

[Curtis]

Morning Guys--day 16. Thought for the day: when my drinking got out of hand, I went through a long period of "controlled drinking", where I tried (but failed) to drink like a normal period. Two beers, or one martini. But I always slipped back to excess, and even when I didn't my thoughts were on alcohol 100 percent of the time. Finding same thing with PMO. I'm doing this hard, and know if I give in to a little here and there as a "reward" for good behavior, I will soon be swallowed up by the obsession again, even if I don't act out. "time takes time" to overcome self-destructive behavior. Wishing you all...another victorious day in the journey. Curtis

 

[Androg]

I asked Gary and he said, "Here's what I would tell a gay guy: Stop porn and rewire to real people." When I read the articles and rebooting accounts, and listened to the videos, on YBOP I saw mention of people from every sexual persuasion. Check out the rebooting accounts. As far as I know, neither Gabe nor Gary believes being gay is any different from being straight when it comes to porn recovery. And since neither is gay, would you really want them opining on your situation in more depth? I wouldn't if I were gay. In fact, if gays were singled out, I would feel discriminated against.

 

[Phase2]

Thanks Androg on your input on what you think gay people should think, if you were gay, of course, which you've made clear you aren't. Phew. Good on you. 

Now if you had read my post with understanding in mind you'd see I hoped they would mention gay people MORE. Nothing about anyone being 'singled out' or anyone being any different from anyone else. That's your terminology. More references to the many types of people who are facing these challenges would be great. Can't a gay kid who finds Reboot Nation hear that he's included in the solution too? Or should it have to filter primarily only through the stories of straight kids? The occasional homophobic panic that we encounter on here is a little grating too--it's certainly not helpful to us who are seeking information and recovery. But we'll muddle through as we always do. And thanks for your input anyway.

 

[Androg]

For your listening pleasure, gents...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWbw55WRlfk#t=3313

 

[Curtis]

Androg -- thanks very much for the radio link, I'm listening to it now (thank god my trusty K9 blocker lets it through, along with YBOP). I appreciate everything about this site, for helping me to "see" what I've been doing as a central problem in my life, and for giving me the tools (abstinence, one day at a time) to be PMO-free. As a newly-out gay guy, at 54, I do have to acknowledge that fear of being accepted kept me in the closet for quite some time--and I'm a whole lot happier now being out, which coincided with my recognition of porn addiction. Straight, gay, who cares: the goal is no PMO for all of us. I can laugh off some of the "homosexuality is evil" comments on this site, as part of the cost of admission. And I can really laugh my ass off about the HOCD fears described here and there. But then what do I know. Maybe some of these guys are gay and in denial, maybe some of them are straight and just as porn-addled and wacky as the rest of us, with their porn fantasy life completely shutting down their ability to have a real and intimate sex life with real people. Who am I to judge? I welcome the honesty and openness on this site, doesn't mean I have to go along with what everyone writes. I can take what I need and leave the rest. Day 20 for me...just incredible....and wouldn't have gotten this far, or anywhere really, without YBOP. Right now, reading the posts and listening to other peoples experience, hope and strength, is helping me to achieve my goal...of being the best man, emotionally and sexually, I can possibly be. That's any man's right, no? How the specifics play out in bed and romance, really is way beside the point. Curtis

 

[lyon03]

Congrats on day 20 Curtis. Coming out at any age is courageous, but coming when you're both a father and married is 'jumping in a shark tank' courageous. I would urge caution when addressing the gay/straight issue. If you're like me, I can't criticize anyone dealing with sexual identity. I spent most of my life closeted, then hiding my sexuality through porn, then hooking up with anyone and everyone. This doesn't give me the moral high ground. I do want to make this very clear: I choose Gabe over Gary. End of post. 

 

[Curtis]

A brand new day, no PMO. Thank God. Hardly mature in my no-PMO approach to life (I have a feeling this rewriting thing is going to take quite some time, which is ok with me), I'm right now discovering a lot of free time on my hands. The hours spent searching and fapping, the hollow feeling when I was through--but I was never really through until I gave it up for good--weren't my spare time, they dominated my thoughts and actions all day long. I've read people describe boredom in early recovery, and no surprise: I'm no longer doing the thing I did most!

So what am I doing? Getting to bed on time, for one thing--like 10 pm instead of staying up till midnight or beyond wondering if there was some new and improved porn video I might find that I hadn't seen yet. Waking up earlier, cuz there are other things I kind of want to do and try out today. And actually talking to people, cuz I'm not as rushed around all day waiting to get back to my computer. Reading YBOP posts, for now, has been a great substitute for my addictive need for pixels. And getting out in the world, gets more enjoyable every day.

Wish everyone here a PMO-free day. It's easy to make a goal of hitting the pillow tonight without it. And that's all that's required, a day at a time. Curtis

 

[lyon03]

Well done Curtis. It's great rediscovering sleep, people, and the world offline. I was a confirmed insomniac and now sleep like a baby without the porn. How did things go with your move to the new apartment? Be well my friend. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.