Multiple Addictions

F

fightforlife

Guest
I am sorry to hear about your relapse.
But you did fine so far and as soon as you get back on the horse, you will continue building a better life.
Build on your previous work, you just had some important insights. Use them and the experience you have made and you will cure yourself over the time.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
Thanks for the support fightforlife.

Here's the latest update:

I MOed last night, but haven?t PMOed since last entry, which is excellent because binges can be a problem for many after a relapse. Also in the good news, I am now more aware of my triggers. In particular, being in bed is a trigger to MO to sensation or fantasy, since I sleep alone. Also, researching things on the internet is a trigger to PMO because I often bump into stories or news about celebrities or celebrity pictures or pictures of women, typically clothed, that trigger a search for softcore which has the potential to trigger viewing hardcore, which leads to PMO.

I think that the knowledge of my triggers will help me realise that I only have to resist occasionally and will therefore help me resist in general. i.e. before knowing those things were triggers, I thought ?cravings again, I have to resist again?, whereas now I think it will be ?well, I?m going to bed now and I need to be strong, but I?ll only have to resist for a while, most of the day is fine?. There?s something reassuring about being able to predict cravings. Also, I?m going to stop drinking coffee after 3pm because caffeine has a strong effect on me and I don?t want to lie in bed awake for hours like I did last night and then MO.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
Well, i've relapsed a few times since last update, but now i'm back on the wagon. Essentially, i had a problem where i basically thought that since i was a hard case, being PMO free wouldn't help me much. What use is proper sexual functioning if you can't get into a relationship (and don't get any while single)? What good is less anxiety, deeper voice, better beard if you don't interact with women so it doesn't matter how attractive you are? What's the point of more responsive emotions if your so socially isolated that you don't do anything fun anyway?

Well, i realised that i want all that stuff for me. I don't want to feel more masculine and have a deeper voice to get women, i want to do it for me. Same applies to all the other benefits of being PMO free.

So, i feel confident that i can get a reasonable streak now, but i know i'm always overly optimistic, so it's difficult to say how well i'm doing/gonna do.

PMOing wasn't much fun after a 47 day streak, by the way. Actually, fapping to sensation or fantasy is more fun and that's doing PMO one day and fapping to fantasy the next, so it's not because i fapped to fantasy while more sensitized due to being on a streak, PMO just sucks. However, I want it so bad sometimes, so now i understand the difference between wanting and liking that Gary talks about in one of his videos on YBOP.

Also, eating has been up and down (but better than this time last year), but hopefully the same thought process i'm using for PMO will help me with that too.
 

Berens

Active Member
Yeah, i can relate to what you are talking. I am virgin, i have never kissed a girl, i dont remember when for the last time i had a conversation with a girl, etc. My life is a hermit life. It sucks yeah. But i believe that the rebooting is the first step to make social life. I believe that it takes time and by eliminating things that hold me back from social interactions i will be able to make my life beautiful and happy. With rebooting we have at least a hope that things will go better and we create an environment to make things better. It will take time to fix the sexuality, social anxiety and problems, by rebooting we wont fix those problems but without rebooting we wont fix any problem. 
 

dumbdumb

Member
PMOing does suck.  I've also discovered that what I thought was my urge to masturbate was actually an urge to look at porn.  Now that I've stopped looking at porn, my desire to masturbate has decreased dramatically.  An interesting realization.  Keep going.  And remember that progress with a relapse is still progress.  Dust yourself off as they say, and keep going.  We're all in this together.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
So I relapsed last night (MO) and this morning (watched P). However, I didn't PMO, so things could be worse. Plus, I look set to reach my goal of 7 days no PMO.

Both relapses were part of recurring themes. In bed, I tend to find it hard not to fantasize and get aroused and then I MO. I will introduce exercise for mild arousal and exercise plus meditation for higher arousal to calm me back down.

With P, I tend to hear about some P I think will be great, only to discover that it isn't Last time was on the radio. I've noted the negatives of P and also I've noted that it typically disappointing and I don't enjoy it nearly as much as I want it.

Also, I'm treating my chocolate habit as an eating disorder and my fast food habit as an addiction because they seem to respond best to that. My weight is currently 165, which is back up a pound, but really (sort of) I'm lighter because I've done some postural exercises (stretching) and now I stand 5'10, so my BMI has dropped as my weight has gone up! The bad posture was originally a result of bad weight lifting when younger, I think.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
So, inspired by the success of my reboot, I went out last night and hit some trendy bars to pick up women for the first time in years. I got talking to lots of different women and clearly my reboot is going well because I took home four supermodels. Well, at least they said they were supermodels. I measured one and admitted to her that I was surprised she got the gig at 5?1 and 220lbs. She explained that she was a super-plus model and that I should respect that. I agreed, because I was scared.

Anyway, moving onto that night, I had no ED because my reboot is working really well. One thing could have been better though, which is that I still have an MO problem, so I had DE and in my fivesome with four supermodels I was the only one who didn?t come. Shame really, because it would otherwise have been a night to remember. It just goes to show how seriously porn can affect your weiner. Also, the night showed how seriously sleeping with four models can affect the frame of your bed. Expensive night.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
So, I took the Leibowitz social anxiety scale a few months ago, before quitting PMO and I scored 69 - marked social phobia. I just took it yesterday and scored 49 - no social anxiety! I would say that this means no social anxiety disorder and not no social anxiety, so I'm not perfectly serene or anything. Anyway, I'm obviously really pleased with this and it's a great reason to continue with no PMO.

I've PMO'ed 4 times since Jan 27th, so I've been doing really well there. I really just need to quit MO now. P is also on the bottom counter, but I haven't looked at that in about ten days, so I feel that's moving toward success also. I think the problem with MO is mostly excuses, like "I should test because...", so hopefully I can knock those on the head and get on with the reboot properly from now on.
 

Berens

Active Member
Not focusing on a penis is a habit that you must develop. It is strange and uncomfortable but if you will live like you wouldnt have a penis it will be easier.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
I haven't posted in my journal for ages, so I presume most of you won't know my journal, but I wouldn't worry about reading the older entries to be honest, just stick with the here and now. So, the summary is I had three problems - PMO, binging and gambling. I didn't know how to approach these problems to start with but now I think I have a good method and i'm sharing it here.

The gambling wasn't really an addiction. I had significant cravings, but I was never out of control and quitting went without relapse. Binging I have recently started to see progress with and PMO has always been tricky. My plan originally was to focus on PMO because it was most important to me, but I now think I had that backward. Unfortunately, there's little good advice I have found on how to deal with multiple addictions, but here's my take.

Each addiction shares the same neural pathways, so they all contribute to hypofrontality and unhealthy dopamine response. Therefore, quitting PMO when you have three problems is harder because you're more hypofrontal and you have a less healthy dopamine response compared to someone dealing with PMO only, because the other addictions heighten the effect. Therefore, my current plan is to quit the easiest first, which was gambling. The next easiest is likely my eating disorder because PMO is said to be really hard to quit compared to other addictions. This is why my counters are for gambling and binging and not PMO. At the moment I am allowing PMO.

The idea is that by quitting gambling, I will improve my frontal control and my dopamine response, making it easier to quit binging. Then, by quitting binging, the same thing happens, making it easier to quit PMO. This is my current plan to quit PMO and clearly it's going to take a while but i'm doing well right now.

The other thing I would say is that I think anyone with multiple addictions is more likely to have an underlying problem, so I've done a lot of psychological work and I saw a therapist toward the end of last year, though the focus wasn't exclusively on quitting compulsive behaviours.

I probably won't update this journal that regularly, but I would appreciate support and encouragement for my progress with gambling and binging and also the hard work I've put in between 1st Jan 2015 when I started trying to quit these things and now when i'm making at least some progress.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
So, i'm doing better than I have done before, with good abstinence from binging and gambling, but not long enough to be "out of the woods". N.B. I also have a PMO problem, but i'm postponing dealing with that for right now, to focus on the other problems. I'm at the stage where I need to find some replacement activities. I know this because I have recently noticed the "hole" rebooters describe is left by quitting an addiction. I just feel like nothing much happens in my life and i'm not being productive enough.

So, my three proposed potential replacement activites are: Overcoming shyness around people/women, studying for my maths degree and learning French. I don't intend to do lots of all three, but having more than one is useful to me because I feel i'm more rounded in my progression as a human being. I'm concerned that I might not be motivated enough to get much done, but i'll see how it goes, anyway. I think that if I can find replacement activities that I can stick to and find productive then i'll be done with both of the two problems that i'm currently doing well with. As for PMO, i'll have to wait and see.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
So, as far as replacement activities, the problem with the three I identified last time is that none of them are just for pleasure. Right now, I think that to feel like i'm living a worthwhile life, I need to be doing some productive stuff and some stuff I genuinely enjoy in my spare time. So, i'll keep studying maths as I have been doing that and it's productive, which is great. I'm also gonna add watching amazon films by post. I've been subscribed to it since it was lovefilm, before amazon bought it, but I haven't made much progress watching films. What normally happens is I just get some bad ones and can't be bothered to watch them but also don't want to send them back unwatched (or only watched first twenty minutes of) because it feels like a waste. The solution is obvious - i'm just going to be more accepting of sending back films that i'm not that interested in.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
So, on Saturday, I decided i'd gotten far enough with quitting binging and gambling that I could turn my attention to PMO. Hence my new counter. I relapsed Sunday night at 2am, though, immediately on waking. I think I had been having an arousing dream and just started before really realising quite what I was doing. Basically, I mean I was still groggy in those first ten seconds and not really thinking straight and once i'd started, I wanted to continue.

On the plus side, my replacement activities are going well. I've decided not to watch any 18 rated films, for obvious reasons, during my reboot. Also, when I did relapse, strangely I was able to MO to sensation which I haven't been able to previously, except during periods of abstinence. This is strange because it was day 2 of no PMO. I think it's down to having quit binging and gambling, which has made my dopamine response healthier, combined with my recent experience of having MOed to sensation during abstinent periods. I've not O'ed from sex ever and I've not MO'ed to sensation until I started rebooting, so it's new brain pathways all the way for me. I think these new pathways may have helped, as well as quitting the other problems.

So far, so good then, basically still improving! But I have a way to go as well.
 

fapfreezone

Active Member
Relapsed on food on day 42 and on PMO on day 19. I almost relapsed on gambling as well. I think the problem was a fear of success combined with high stress levels right now, which I have now hopefully corrected.
 
Top