neologism
Member
There used to be an LGBT bookstore in my city called Gai-Pied. That was where I bought an old-fashioned printed porn magazine for the last time, shortly before getting high speed internet. And today I'm a gay with PIED. *Cue sad ironic trombone*
In the past year or two I've explored some of the NoFap/porn-free websites and come to realize that my porn habit was the likely source of my ED problems, and I've made a few half-hearted attempts to get rid of it. But this time I'm serious: I've deleted or blocked all the porn on my computer and the sexual-oriented apps on my phone, and now I'm writing this journal hoping that it will help solidify my commitment to reboot.
I see two self-reinforcing feedback loops going here that need to be broken:
First, I'm wasting too much of my time with porn and it's getting in the way of my work for grad school. But masturbating is a stress reliever, so then I keep doing it and wasting more time, and then I get more stressed out trying to keep up with work, and so on.
Second, and more distressingly, it's causing problems with my sex life. My boyfriend and I live in separate cities so we usually get to see each other only a couple weekends a month. In between visits, I resort to plenty of PMO as a sexual outlet. My ED has been getting worse and the past few times I've gotten intimate with him I've barely been able to get it up, even with Viagra. And if not ED, sometimes it's DE (so many acronyms around here!) where I strain and struggle so hard to finish that it's not even fun. I think it's making him lose interest in sex. And to complete the loop, not getting enough sex makes me frustrated and horny and I turn to PMO more.
When I visited him last weekend, I was feeling the Viagra's side effects (sometimes it makes my lungs feel weak and I can barely keep up with his pace when we walk around), we had sex that was boring and unsatisfying, and I felt like shit about the whole situation. I need to fix this problem.
I haven't worked up the nerve yet to initiate an honest discussion with him about this, although I did mention on the phone last night that I've deleted and blocked all my porn, without really getting into the reasons why. I suspect he might be suffering from a little bit of PIED himself, although his cock is a lot more reliable than mine. We've been dating for 3 years and are planning to get married as soon as we can live in the same city, so this is pretty important.
In retrospect I can see that my PIED goes back farther than a few years. I've probably always had it to some degree. By the first time I had sex at age 20, I had already gotten into the habit of masturbating for hours at a time while downloading erotic stories via dial-up modem. Later, when I lived around the corner from an adult video shop, I would be renting a VHS tape or two each week. Then I got high-speed internet around 2002, and you all know how that goes.
Meanwhile, I had my share of hookups and a couple of LTRs. I had occasional issues with ED, which I chalked up to performance anxiety. I'm pretty shy and I tend to get nervous when doing it with a guy for the first time, and that nervous anxiety can be a boner killer for me.
I never had problems getting it up for porn, of course. And in LTR situations I felt more relaxed and the problem went away, so this made me believe performance anxiety was at the root of the ED. I got my hands on some boner pills that I bought off a shady website (yeah, I know), and these patched up the problem enough for me to not worry too much about what was really going on.
Fast forward to now. I'm engaged to be married to the love of my life, the man who's so sexy it's like a dream come true (in addition to being awesome in many other ways), but I'm worried about it falling apart. I think the cyclical nature of our relationship (it's usually 2 days together, 12 days alone, repeat) has been a contributing factor in why I've fallen into a PMO rut that's only been getting deeper.
No more. I'm going to find new ways to deal with my stress and boredom and alone-time that don't involve sitting in front of my computer screen with a mouse in one hand and my cock in the other. And hopefully get my boner back. I'll tell you how that goes in this here journal.
Thanks to all you guys who have written inspiring success stories!
In the past year or two I've explored some of the NoFap/porn-free websites and come to realize that my porn habit was the likely source of my ED problems, and I've made a few half-hearted attempts to get rid of it. But this time I'm serious: I've deleted or blocked all the porn on my computer and the sexual-oriented apps on my phone, and now I'm writing this journal hoping that it will help solidify my commitment to reboot.
I see two self-reinforcing feedback loops going here that need to be broken:
First, I'm wasting too much of my time with porn and it's getting in the way of my work for grad school. But masturbating is a stress reliever, so then I keep doing it and wasting more time, and then I get more stressed out trying to keep up with work, and so on.
Second, and more distressingly, it's causing problems with my sex life. My boyfriend and I live in separate cities so we usually get to see each other only a couple weekends a month. In between visits, I resort to plenty of PMO as a sexual outlet. My ED has been getting worse and the past few times I've gotten intimate with him I've barely been able to get it up, even with Viagra. And if not ED, sometimes it's DE (so many acronyms around here!) where I strain and struggle so hard to finish that it's not even fun. I think it's making him lose interest in sex. And to complete the loop, not getting enough sex makes me frustrated and horny and I turn to PMO more.
When I visited him last weekend, I was feeling the Viagra's side effects (sometimes it makes my lungs feel weak and I can barely keep up with his pace when we walk around), we had sex that was boring and unsatisfying, and I felt like shit about the whole situation. I need to fix this problem.
I haven't worked up the nerve yet to initiate an honest discussion with him about this, although I did mention on the phone last night that I've deleted and blocked all my porn, without really getting into the reasons why. I suspect he might be suffering from a little bit of PIED himself, although his cock is a lot more reliable than mine. We've been dating for 3 years and are planning to get married as soon as we can live in the same city, so this is pretty important.
In retrospect I can see that my PIED goes back farther than a few years. I've probably always had it to some degree. By the first time I had sex at age 20, I had already gotten into the habit of masturbating for hours at a time while downloading erotic stories via dial-up modem. Later, when I lived around the corner from an adult video shop, I would be renting a VHS tape or two each week. Then I got high-speed internet around 2002, and you all know how that goes.
Meanwhile, I had my share of hookups and a couple of LTRs. I had occasional issues with ED, which I chalked up to performance anxiety. I'm pretty shy and I tend to get nervous when doing it with a guy for the first time, and that nervous anxiety can be a boner killer for me.
I never had problems getting it up for porn, of course. And in LTR situations I felt more relaxed and the problem went away, so this made me believe performance anxiety was at the root of the ED. I got my hands on some boner pills that I bought off a shady website (yeah, I know), and these patched up the problem enough for me to not worry too much about what was really going on.
Fast forward to now. I'm engaged to be married to the love of my life, the man who's so sexy it's like a dream come true (in addition to being awesome in many other ways), but I'm worried about it falling apart. I think the cyclical nature of our relationship (it's usually 2 days together, 12 days alone, repeat) has been a contributing factor in why I've fallen into a PMO rut that's only been getting deeper.
No more. I'm going to find new ways to deal with my stress and boredom and alone-time that don't involve sitting in front of my computer screen with a mouse in one hand and my cock in the other. And hopefully get my boner back. I'll tell you how that goes in this here journal.
Thanks to all you guys who have written inspiring success stories!
I'm actually a couple months away from turning 40 (hope y'all don't mind me rounding up and joining the 40+ subforum ? I'll be officially old enough for it by the time I'm done with my 90-day reboot).
