A New Zest For Life!

[jazzy-d]

Hey Guys,

Sorry for starting another thread/journal on here, but I realized the old journal I had didn't really have a positive-sounding title and I couldn't figure out how to change it so I started a new one. 

I'm looking for an accountability partner so it would be great if anyone is interested in partnering up with me and we can keep tabs on each other.

I've started my reboot again, and I'm on Day 1.

I've been reading up more and more on porn addiction and watching a lot of youtube videos on this subject.

Although I'm not Buddhist, I came across an interesting video about this from a Buddhist perspective.  Hope you enjoy and learn from it if you haven't seen already:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5Lg9P-VekA

 

[Mason]

Hello,

I've been dealing with porn and masturbation all of my life, started very young and now I'm 32 and stilling doing it. I do have stopped at times for like 3 weeks, no porn or masturbation, but then I always relapse again. Its like I get bored and because I'm single and no girlfriend, I just get that urge to masturbate. I've even seen a therapist on this and it did help for a while, but after stopping to see him cause it gets expensive, I started back on masturbating again. I too need help with this and partnering up with somebody would be a great idea. My name is Mason btw, and I don't mind partnering up with you. Thank you for putting this option out there.

 

[jazzy-d]

Hey Mason, thanks for the reply.  I know how you feel cause I'm in the same position.  I have also tried to quit several times and I think the best I went without porn was not more than 2-3 weeks like yourself.  I also saw a psychologist but it was too expensive and I didn't really get much out of the sessions.  There's a lot of websites that are out there on porn addiction and the more I read up on them the better equipped I get with knowledge to fight my PMO urges.  I have a wife right now and have been with many women so to me the PMO problem has nothing to do with being single or not.  As long as the desire remains to watch it, you will watch it whether you are single or not.  I do see it as a mental thing and a mental problem in the sense that there's an imbalance in the brain somewhere.  Of course our environments have played a big part in it too.  The way we were raised, our upbringing and what we were exposed to as kids and how we reacted to it as children.  The good thing is that in our age group we can start thinking about this more rationally and make the commitment to quit once and for all.  The best thing we can do is try and that's why we are all on here trying to support each other to win against this monster.  All the best with your reboot and keep at it - don't quit.

I'm currently on Day 2 of my reboot, but last time I went without PMO for about 2 weeks so have started again.  I'm aiming for 30 days.

 

[Mason]

Yea, your right, I was told by my counselor that even some of his patients who have this problem are married men, so yes the WANT and the urge to watch will always be there, unless we fight it. I have been with several women before my self and when I have sex with them, it takes me a while to get it up, sometimes, ill end up having intercourse and sometimes it just never happens. Then I'm frustrated with myself and even the girl I'm with, although they don't show it. This addiction has caused me many issues, such as anxiety, probably a mental problem cause I tend to over think more of the negative, while all along what I'm thinking was never true. I feel all this has to do with the masturbation, and yes I also believe there is a chemical imbalance somewhere. Good for you, lets help each other, I will start tomorrow of Day 1 for the rebooting process, and I too will get that same goal of 30 days. Lets do this!

 

[jazzy-d]

I'm currently on Day 5.  As this is my second reboot, I do feel better about getting to my goal, but the urge to PMO still remains albeit less so.  I'm however determined to get to my goal of 30 days so I'm doing whatever I can not to do it. 

Whenever I have a thought or a fantasy in my head or a memory of the past P I've watched, I'm trying to be very mindful of it.  When this happens, I re-direct the energy into another task. For example, yesterday I was home alone and I had the urge to watch PMO, but I quickly realized that being home alone was a trigger for me to PMO so I immediately became aware of what I was about to do. I then made a quick conscious decision to do some gardening/landscaping work in the backyard of my home, which of course was a better decision than fapping.  In doing so I felt much better about it and the temptation to PMO slowly waned away.  I think this is the key.  Whenever you have the urge to PMO, quickly and immediately do something else.  From the articles I've read, this is also what a lot of other people have suggested.  This is at least one way to form new positive habits and get out of the negative habits formed in our brains.

Marching on one day at a time.

 

[Mason]

Lucky you Jazzy-d, but I hate to say I messed up again, this time I did not use porn, but masturbated on fantasy. Man this sucks as its really hard, but now that I see your on day 5 ( btw way to go!), I'm starting again and this time I'm doing it for SURE. Only difference is your 5 days ahead..lol, but its okay, it still encourages me to get back on it. Yea we have to stay busy in order to not  fapp and trust me, I've read articles like that too, but some days I'm just too tired to do something and just want to remain in bed and relax and that's when I start to feel the urges and that's when I say, " oh well what the heck" and then I masturbate. But, I'm going to push myself to get out of my bedroom and do something productive for me to not PMO/fapp. Good thing is that I am able to at least try and not feel guilty about it when I do it, since my counselor said that it wont help and to just say "its okay, just start over again, its not the end of the world". That's help me a lot in that regard, but deep down inside I just want to stop this once and for all. I don't know if we men can stop masturbating once and for all, but as long as its in moderation and without the PORN. I know I can do this with Gods grace and your help. Thanks for sticking with me on this.

 

[jazzy-d]

Hey Mason, you're on the right track with this.  Best thing to do is not entertain the thoughts that get you to the computer in the first place.

So far I'm on Day 9 and it has been a challenging week but I feel better about giving up on PMO.  I did have a minor slip up on Day 6 as I listened to my mind and watched P.  However, the good thing was that I did not MO, and I did not binge on P.  I quickly realized what I was doing and felt pretty disgusted by what I was watching so did not watch for more than a minute.  I'm not going to reset the counter this time as I don't believe I was involved in the process of watching P emotionally.  Actually I didn't feel any emotional response.  Usually I would get an erection but this time around I didn't feel a thing.  Whether this is a good thing or not I'm not sure?

I'm also making an effort to not fantasize about porn so if a thought creeps in mind I make an effort to think about something else.  It's not easy to do this but it is getting easier.  It's important to set the days with enough activities for yourself so you don't have time to think about P.

All the best and don't give up!

 

[Mason]

Way to go Jazzy D! I'm still working on it, doing a little better, I have not watched porn in a while. Its all been fantasy for me, but I've managed to slow it down the MO. You might think about putting those blockers on your computer where they block porn sites if you tired to go to them.  You would need a password to unblock them and maybe get a close friend or someone to set it up for you. Just an idea, I know they cost some money too, but not much. I noticed masturbating all time also keeps you from spitting game with some of the girls, when I try I get nervous, but usually I don't feel the urge too. When I stop for a while, I feel the urge to go for them, so I pray I can stop it and  control it. At least I've stopped the porn. I'm 32 and sort of ready to settle down, and I'm nervous of the future when I think about my issue and how things will be 5 years from now. :/. Its okay though, I have faith in god and everything going to be okay, I've just got to watch out for temptations to PMO... Glad your doing better, you almost there, keep it up!