Recovering as a team - PIED

[Maritime18]

Hey guys,

I previously posted my journal in the "teens" section of the forum, but as I'm coming up on my 20th and the 20-29 section is much more active, I'd like to move over to here.

I started PMO probably around the age of 13/14 and quickly adopted the prone position. I began to notice symptoms of PIED when I first began to attempt sexual encounters with girls around 16/17, but assumed it was stress or just not the right time. Now that it's been a factor in ending three relationships for me, the most recent one almost two weeks ago, I'm not letting anything get in the way of recovering.

I'm on day 58 of no MO/PMO and definitely flatlining. In the first month or so of no PMO, I would notice occasional discharges of semen while going to the bathroom but those have stopped. Last week I had a wet dream but haven't noticed any since then. I've been wondering if these are signs of progress? What do you guys think?

At this point in my flatline I am not aroused by sexually charged pictures of girls that I see in my daily life, such as in social media or my friends here at school showing off nude pictures that girls send them. I try to avoid looking at that kind of stuff, but I have been flirting with a girl via Snapchat lately. I hope that wont set me back, being that it consists of pictures that definitely get me excited. Nothing sexual or nude and I haven't gotten hard in the process, but I definitely feel what seems to be a sense of libido.

Also, I haven't gone out of my way to try, but I know that I am not capable of MO without porn at this point either.

In everyone's opinion, do you have to be addicted to porn in order to get PIED? Do they essentially parallel each other? Since I decided to quit P and PMO, I haven't had any major cravings, withdrawal symptoms, or relapses. Once I learned how bad porn is for my brain I never looked back. That didn't surprise me, but many other people have talked about going through a withdrawal which I don't think I have experienced, or at least not as bad. So maybe I wasn't addicted to porn? But then how would the PIED set in?

Like the subject line says- this is a team effort for all of us! Please reply with your advice and experiences! They'll help not just me but everyone else looking around this forum for some hope!!

 

[Maritime18]

Updating-

I've had wet dreams for the past two nights, not sure what that means but I'll take it as a sign of rewiring. Felt pretty weird for the rest of the day. I usually wake up as they happen, and it'll feel as if I'd been masturbating in the prone again, but I know I was sleeping. That was a bit concerning, I'd like to think I don't have what WebMD calls "Sexsomnia" (http://www.everydayhealth.com/sleep/what-is-sexsomnia.aspx][url]http://www.everydayhealth.com/sleep/what-is-sexsomnia.aspx[/url])

I also noticed that on nights when nocturnal emissions occur, MO/PMO cravings come just before I fall asleep and sometimes throughout the following day. This is the first time that I have experienced cravings but otherwise no withdrawal symptoms at all.

I've been trying to get back to running more often, definitely helps me feel good and healthy overall. Pretty sure this is day 60 for me, I'm trying not to count days. I'll occasionally get 10-20% erections throughout the day, or it'll feel as if my body is trying to produce one but it's just not following through.

Open to any comments or advice!! Is this similar to anyone else's experience? Thanks for reading

 

[Maritime18]

Thanks for reading, All. Hoping for a reply with some advice.

I'm confused by the fact that although I'm almost certain that I have PIED, I don't have any P addiction symptoms. No cravings, no withdrawals, nothing. I'm around day 63 (pretty sure, still not counting) and I've probably had around 3 cravings total, otherwise quitting P/PMO/MO has not been an issue for me.

So, could this mean that the issue is not PIED? Or something else?

Thanks. I wish I could just go to a doctor for this! Hopefully in time that will become an option as more people learn about whats going on.

 

[Belly]

Hello mate. I can feel your concerns, as I have the same simptoms.
No crawings, nothing,zero libido. We started at about the same time, so it will be interesting watching your progress.

You had some wet dreams, good for you, I had none (or can't remember them).

 

[Phase2]

Sounds to me like you are on course. It was pretty easy for me to give up P once I knew intellectually what it was doing to me. While I still want to M from time to time due to boredom or anxiety, P cravings seem pretty much gone. My flatline lasted into the Day 50s and then I came out it in fits and starts. Don't sweat it man. Just hang in there. You just might have to stick it out longer because you started young. Just keep educating yourself about the process. It will work, you just have to give it time.

I'd recommend cold showers. For real. They give you a mental boost during the doldrums of flatline. Good luck, buddy.

youbrainonporn.com

 

[Maritime18]

Hello mate. I can feel your concerns, as I have the same simptoms.
No crawings, nothing,zero libido. We started at about the same time, so it will be interesting watching your progress.

You had some wet dreams, good for you, I had none (or can't remember them).

Thanks friend! Glad to know others are in the same situation. I'll keep a look out for any of your posts!

 

[Maritime18]

Sounds to me like you are on course. It was pretty easy for me to give up P once I knew intellectually what it was doing to me. While I still want to M from time to time due to boredom or anxiety, P cravings seem pretty much gone. My flatline lasted into the Day 50s and then I came out it in fits and starts. Don't sweat it man. Just hang in there. You just might have to stick it out longer because you started young. Just keep educating yourself about the process. It will work, you just have to give it time.

I'd recommend cold showers. For real. They give you a mental boost during the doldrums of flatline. Good luck, buddy.

Thanks for the advice, this is the second time I've seen cold showers recommended so I'm definitely going to try them out now. I'll definitely have to keep looking through YBOP as well. Sucks how you can come in and out of flatline, no definite end! Gets easier every day though, good luck to you as well! It's pretty motivating to see how supportive everyone is on here.

 

[Phase2]

I found all the radio show really helpful. This one in particular discusses cold showers at one point. Give it a listen. Cheers! http://ia601704.us.archive.org/3/items/Cyber20130409/cyber20130409.mp3

 

[Maritime18]

Day 68 update!

Woke up in the middle of the night last night and found myself M'ing in the prone position as I had done before I quit MO and PMO. I did not wake up and begin to do it, but rather it seems I began in my sleep, as far as I can tell. Doesn't make much sense, but I know I didn't suddenly choose to start an early morning masturbation session. I was finishing as I woke up and felt ashamed, I wondered if this would mean I now need to reset my day counter or if I am going to be set back in my recovery. I also wonder how often this really happens and I just don't wake up. Or perhaps maybe it's just a dream?

I know that since I didn't deliberately seek out masturbation (consciously at least) or use P, this shouldn't have any major affect on my recovery from PIED. Today some flatline symptoms such as the "lifeless penis" disappeared too, a result of the odd wet dream I'm sure.

Otherwise, progress has been slow but steady I'm sure. Cold showers leave me feeling confident and alert, and exercise has been great. Getting dumped a few weeks ago really put a downer on this adventure, but hey at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Big thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread!

 

[Maritime18]

Day 70?

So, it happened again last night. Woke up masturbating with a large erection. It felt as if I had already been going at it for a few minutes, and it happened a few times. It feels really crappy that I can't even control myself when I'm not awake. Hoping there's a chance it was just some weird dream and that this really is day 70 and not day 1 all over again. At least there was no porn involved, right?

As with yesterday, most flatline symptoms with the exception of no libido have disappeared, which I'm sure is a result of the nocturnal emissions.

 

[mtaha2015]

do some relaxing and meditation exercises before you go to sleep.
wear loose dresses in night.

 

[Maritime18]

do some relaxing and meditation exercises before you go to sleep.
wear loose dresses in night.

Thanks, that's probably a good idea. I've been trying to read before sleep more often, and once in a while I take a Valerian Root extract (similar to Melatonin).

 

[Maritime18]

Day 77!

Well, PIED got the best of me this weekend. A very attractive girl invited me to spend the night with her, and I let her down.

I brought a friend for her room mate, and after a few drinks we all understood where the night was going. Everything was going perfectly, she took me upstairs and we began to go at it. I wasn't too concerned until she told me to penetrate her, and I realized that I was not at all erect. 0%, the entire time. Not even all that horny. Wow, that was awkward.

Played it off as having drank too much, which worked until the morning when it happened again. I know I'm not even at 90 days yet, but I just feel so ashamed of myself. I could feel the disappointment, and can't even bring myself to talk to her now. Although it was still a good time, I couldn't really enjoy it because I felt as if I had failed.

I'm so sick of not being able to perform at all, this is no way to live. I finally worked up the courage to tell my father whats going on, and I'm thinking about trying to see some sort of medical professional about it. Maybe a sex therapist or an endocrinologist? I feel as if simply abstaining from PMO just isn't enough. 

Any advice would be insanely appreciated!

 

[Letzte]

Man that totally sucks. I think most of us here know exactly what you feel like. I sure as hell do. Let it reinforce your determination to continue moving forward. 77 days is awesome man! It will definitely take more time, and the time will pass regardless. As big of an accomplishment 77 days is, most young guys are taking longer than that. I would hold off on seeing any sort of doctor yet, try not to make a huge deal out of it because you'll wind up stressing yourself out even more. Just let the time pass, and keep trying once in a while. It will be worth it.

Good on you for talking to your father about it. That must have been difficult to do, it sounds like you're committed.

 

[Maritime18]

Man that totally sucks. I think most of us here know exactly what you feel like. I sure as hell do. Let it reinforce your determination to continue moving forward. 77 days is awesome man! It will definitely take more time, and the time will pass regardless. As big of an accomplishment 77 days is, most young guys are taking longer than that. I would hold off on seeing any sort of doctor yet, try not to make a huge deal out of it because you'll wind up stressing yourself out even more. Just let the time pass, and keep trying once in a while. It will be worth it.

Good on you for talking to your father about it. That must have been difficult to do, it sounds like you're committed.

Thanks for the reply!

It was pretty humiliating but I'm definitely trying to see the bright side of the situation- given the circumstances (PIED being unavoidable), it really couldn't have gone any better and that's pretty cool.

I am definitely shooting for at least 180 days. I think you're right about seeing a doctor though, I saw my pediatrician about it over the summer and he really had no idea what to tell me. He ended up sending me to a therapist who then tried to send me to multiple other doctors, felt like I was just being passed around so everyone could make money off me.

 

[Maritime18]

Day 80!

So, I definitely still feel pretty crappy about not being able to perform this past weekend. It was a pretty perfect situation for any guy, and I totally failed. In the morning when we tried again, I was able to attain probably around 20-30% erection and MO'ed just from dry humping (I apologize if that's too graphic). I don't think that is means for a complete reset back to Day 0 though, only because there was absolutely no P involved. Thoughts?

As much as it sucked, it was still pretty great for my confidence- I may not have been able to do my duty, but I still got a girl in bed with little effort! The only scary factor is how low my libido was. I was barely interested at all, even unexcited. I'd like to think that's just a flatline symptom. It almost had me wondering if I'm gay and just don't realize it, but I know damn well I've liked girls since I could walk.

On the upside, I'm starting to realize how far I've come, and I hope everyone else can see that for themselves! A few months ago, I could not go to sleep without PMO or MO, if I so much as had a few hours of free time I felt like I had to MO. It was as if masturbation controlled my life, sometimes all I ever thought about was the next time I could do it and I felt so guilty for not being able to quit. Now? I'm free, I can do whatever the hell I want. Almost zero urges to MO or PMO and I control my own life. That's pretty awesome, really something for us to be proud of as we get better.

 

[Belly]

Hallo my friend  ;D

You seem very similar to me in this thing. Still flatline. Keep at it, we will fight through it

 

[Maritime18]

Hallo my friend  ;D

You seem very similar to me in this thing. Still flatline. Keep at it, we will fight through it

Howdy! Thanks bud, you too!! Can't believe I'm approaching day 90 already!

 

[Jwayne10]

Hi man.
I've been reading your journal.Almost on day 90? Wow thats amazing.Im only about to hit 11 days.Trying to beat my previous best of 21. But guys like you  really make me feel like its possible to beat this addiction.Congrats!! You're going all the way!!.