Defeating DE and low libido

[HGA321]

I am a 28 year old male who has had increasing issues with DE and weak libido.

I have had an issue with DE from the beginning of my marriage (3 years currently), but never thought it had anything to do with my PMO habits. Then, over the last few months it has been nearly impossible to finish during PIV sex. Also, I had noticed it was increasingly difficult to get aroused, which I know hurts my wife's feelings even though I insist it isn't her fault. I find her very attractive, but over time my ability to get aroused has worsened.

Then during my usual lying to myself "I will only look for a minute, wtf it has been 2 hours",  I ended up on some porn tumblr where all the gifs had captions under them and the general theme was about giving in to porn addiction. One of them said something about masturbating to impotence. This scared me, that couldn't be real, right?!
Google led me to a NYmag article called He's Just Not That Into Anyone. One of the guys stories sounded just like me and I freaked out. Then I found the Reboot Nation youtube videos, read a ton on YBOP, and decided to make a post on here.

In hindsight it all seems soo clear now and I can't believe I did this to myself. I should have known something was wrong when having sex with a real women was difficult but I could just sit down to look at porn and be ready to go. Also, the gym I go to is full of attractive women who seem to think yogapants/shorts are required uniform and I haven't had any reaction. My mind says, oh she is pretty hot but nothing is going on downstairs.

I am just very happy that I found this information before I did any more damage to my mind. I started on internet porn at around 13. I have tried to stop many times in the past and failed. The longest being before I got married. I think I made it 2+ months and after that failure, I don't think I ever got more than a week. I really wanted to quit watching porn because after PMO I would feel really bad and the guilt of lying to my wife is the worst part, but  my resolution to quit would fade away when I was home alone with the computer. When I think back, I can see how bad it is because the reason I was on the tumblr gifs site was so I could justify saying I hadn't "watched" any porn if she asked. Pathetic.

My goal is to no PMO from now on in hopes that I can get rid of my DE and strengthen my libido. I really want to be able to have a healthy sexual relationship with my wife.
Today is day 4.

 

[jkkk]

Hey there!

It feels a bit strange, because I'm a total rookie on this forum myself (just started my own thread today), but I think you made it to the right place. I am pretty impressed myself with how this all looks.

I can relate to you very much in the sense that I am also married and PMO/novelty seeking issues are affecting my relationship with my wife. And I think I know what you feel.

If you needed any help, anything, let me know - I'm available, you can reach by PM if you want. You're not alone!

 

[Gabe Deem]

@ HGA321

I am a 28 year old male.. I started on internet porn at around 13... In hindsight it all seems soo clear now and I can't believe I did this to myself. I should have known something was wrong when having sex with a real women was difficult but I could just sit down to look at porn and be ready to go.

I can relate a lot man. I'm 26, started on internet porn at 12, and looking back now see how obvious it was that porn was slowly killing my libido. I simply had no idea there was the possibility of a negative physiological consequence to my actions. I had several chances to connect the dots but never did. I just thought it must be that I am getting old... HAHA at age 22 thinking I am losing my libido. Oh how blind I was. But the good news is... now we both see and are doing something about it. Proud of you for being here and posting.

My goal is to no PMO from now on in hopes that I can get rid of my DE and strengthen my libido.

DE is a very common symptom of PMO, and rebooting is the cure. I hope the best for you and your reboot.

Welcome to the Nation.

 

[SeanKirk91]

Everything will be fine man, everything will be fine. I've been there too, wondering what the heck was going on with the bits an pieces downstairs. You made the same steps I did man and you'll be fine, just stay motivated! & Don't hope that these things will go away, KNOW that they will. Know that you DE will leave and your libido will return. So many people have had success in these areas and even I've had improvements despite struggling with overcoming my PMO problem. It'll all work out man, just hold it down and stay diligent! & don't worry, apparently a lot of never put two and two together when it came to this!

 

[noises1990]

You're not alone brother! We're all here for each-other and always ready to help out! Post updates to keep track of your progress and to keep a positive attitude about it overall.

Welcome to your recovery bro!

 

[HGA321]

Thanks everyone for the responses and support!

Now that I know my actions were hurting me, and that other people have experienced and overcome these problems it has made my resolution to quit much stronger. Before I always could justify that just one more time wouldn't hurt. Now I know all the years of one more time has added up to this.

The last five days have been ok. I caught myself subconsciously starting to type in my usual porn url the other day. That is pretty common for me and I don't understand how I never thought that was weird before. I didn't really have a strong urge to go to it. Mostly I was just mad at myself. Anyway, I have a lot of work at the computer today and when I started thinking about it I just went outside to take a walk. Reading everyone's responses on here was great. Thanks again!

 

[jkkk]

Hey HGA 321,

Keep it up man. Things will get better with time, the urges to look at regular PMO stuff are really strong sometimes. And they are - well, not suprisingly - habitual. I also had that thing that I noticed I simply would stroll to the same sites, type in the same URLs... This is how it works.

But it can be defeated. One day at a time, one day a time. What we do tomorrow is not that important, better not think about it. Today is the day we all should all care about.

 

[Discipline]

yeah when I saw hot chicks in the gym and had no desires I thought I was becoming more mature LOL. I guess men are men no matter what his relationship status is. It's perfectly normal to be horny looking at provocative sluts.

 

[HGA321]

I am on day 18 of my reboot now and having some positive results.

Good

+DE improving
Sex with my wife has been getting better. I was actually able to finish PIV the last few times. The overall feeling and sensitivity in my penis is greater than it has been in a long time. I think just quitting the almost daily deathgrip masturbation has allowed me to get some feeling back.

+Attraction
My arousal level and time to get an erection has also gotten better. Still not as great as I want, but I am happy to see some improvement. Part of it is probably because I don't feel so guilty anymore and the improvement in DE has helped my confidence.

Not soo good

- PMO one time last week. I was on the internet and something set me off. Then I turned into that person where I don't care and can rationalize it to myself until afterwards. Felt super sick and horrible.

-"Flashbacks"
I think this is what people refer to them as. For some reason yesterday I just had this old porn scene pop into my head. I kept trying to push it out, but it kept coming back. That is what got me on here right now because I am alone and found myself thinking about trying to find it.
"I was just going to see if I could find it, but not watch it" is literally what I was telling myself. Thankfully I shut that down before I got carried away.

Overall things are going well. Quitting is becoming more difficult than I originally thought, but coming on here and reading other people's stories is motivating.