Tired of Lefty

[isaboy15]

hey there.  My name is Isaac. I was born in OR and moved to CO when I was 3. That's where my earliest memories start. I moved back to OR when I was in 2nd grade and have lived here ever since. I discovered porn in 5th grade, and have since been wiring my mind to drool at 2-dimensional women.  I am now 18 yoa, graduating high school, and attending OSU next year to major in chemical engineering. I have a beautiful and patient girlfriend who I am dying to be more faithful to, and a struggling relationship with God that is seriously blocked by my addiction. I started this journal today after relapsing for the umpteenth time and need some serious support. Thank you in advance for being accepting and encouraging. I hope to return the favor.  Peace.
-Isaac out.

 

[Sampson Munk]

Best of luck to you man! Although I'm not very experienced, if you're looking for tips I have a few:

- ACCEPT YOUR ADDICTION
lol you've probably done this but it's important nonetheless.

- SEEK HELP
This can be done through this site by asking questions, learning a bit, giving advice. One of the most powerful and important things to do is to seek help from someone really trustworthy and supportive. This may be a parent, family member, good freind or girlfriend. It's important to consider if they will support you and if they will help you before asking them. I really recommend doing this it helps heaps

- BE COMMITTED TO FINALLY GIVING IT UP
This is really simple, yet tricky to do. You're just getting that motivation and thinking that this time you WILL beat it for good and are ready to face the challenges ahead.

- ADDRESS WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO, AND ELIMINATE THE CAUSES
This may be you are bored, stressed, emotional or sexually aroused, and therefor seek P and MO. This involves replacing P with something else to ease whatever thing it is. This is essentially identifying and eliminating triggers and emplacing strategies for when feeling need to activate triggers or relapses to stop them. Think about what would be available for you to help stop. Make yourself some rules. Get a hobby to replace P or MO and keep yourself busy

I cannot stress how important this is ^

- BE PREPARED, COMMITTED, AND STAY STRONG
This is the hardest part but the most important. Rules and precautions are useless without commitment. Fight hard through urges. Whatever happens, it being a flatline, depression state ect. Always keep pushing through and stay strong. Follow your rules and remember your goals and how far you've come, and how damaging a relapse is. If you do relapse, stay strong, it's a long fight and the battle may be lost but the war not over.

------

Hope this helps man. Had some time on my hands and thought I might put it to good use

All the best,
Sam

 

[isaboy15]

Thanks a bunch, Sam. It means a lot that someone would take the time to type that much. Thank you for your helpful advice, and God bless you.

As for me, I have had a successful day in the fight against PMO. Although I almost relapsed just a few minutes ago cuz I was kinda clickin around between tabs and my mind was wandering. I need to start having a more solid plan when I get on my laptop.

Other triggers were a beautiful girl on a movie I was watching. She was just a little immodest but it was enough to trigger me, not sure how to avoid that one.

I didn't really soothe my anxiety or stress today. I need to have a plan in place to do that every day.

Today I am grateful for this forum, the warmth of my friend's house where I live right now, nutella, my girlfriend, my Bible, and a day of freedom from relapse.

Thankyou to anyone who takes time to read this. Peace.

-Isaac out

 

[isaboy15]

Hey there again. I have had a crazy couple of weeks. I have PMOed several times. Taken a hit.  :-\ I really fell away from the light for a bit there. I'm gonna try my hardest to make daily journals this time. Thanks for being so patient. I did not PMO today thank God. I was triggered by stress and also just the habit of looking at P when I open my laptop. I'm still trying to find something to relieve stress with besides PMO. Today I am thankful for my awesome and supportive friend group at my high school, and I am happy that they all get to graduate this year and go have awesome futures. That's all I have time for today.

Exhausted,
Isaac

 

[isaboy15]

Hey Reboot Nation. This is a tired yet victorious Isaac exclaiming that no, I did not PMO today. Thank you all so much for your support. It means a lot.

Fatigue is a big trigger for me. When my brain is tired it starts craving a jump-start of dopamine. Need to decide to sleep instead.

I found an awesome website called calm.com It's a guided relaxation app-type-deal. It has really helped my to destress and let the P-craving tension drain.

Today I am thankful that I have a future. I am thankful for Reboot Nation. Thanks, guys. I have state choir competition and prom on the same day tomorrow, so I'm praying that the stress won't overcome me if you know what I mean.

That's all I have for tonight. Peace.

-Isaac out

 

[Recovery101]

Hey Isaac, I know exactly what you mean, but don't let fatigue over come you. It happens to all of us. What I do is excercise, which is pretty ironic, but it helps get your mind off PMO and it helps you physically too. Good luck in your choir competition. I hope this helped. Remember we are all here to support you. -Rec101

 

[isaboy15]

Hey reboot nation. I'm a little bedraggled today. I've been really stressed with trying to graduate and have PMOed several times. I just had a really bad week. I got a letter of rejection from a scholarship that i was really counting on today, and that made me really depressed. I just PMOed and want to be done with P so bad it hurts! Today I am thankful to have a job so I can pay my bills. I'm going to try to start working out in the morning and evening this week. Wish me strength.
Peace. Isaac out.

 

[isaboy15]

I'm goin for the hard 90.  8) wish me strength.

 

[Sampson Munk]

Hey man,

Never give up! You can work towards this college I'm sure of it. The scholarship doesn't mean it's a no and if you try hard enough and really want to be there, you will get there my friend .

When studying hard, if you feel you may want to relapse from stress, or if you're just free and stressing, distract yourself.

Workout, do a hobby, run around go for a walk. Whatever is instant and fun. It will help a lot with averting the stress, escaping relapse and making yourself feel better instead of momentary amazing then like a peice of absolute crap.

Best of luck man! Keep pushing through

-Sam

 

[isaboy15]

Hello Reboot Nation! I did not PMO  today!  I was able to avoid triggers as well by some miracle. this journal as well as the sheer amount of end-of-senior-year homework are keeping my mind from wandering too far. Today I am thankful for the sound of rain and thunder and the warmth of my favorite armchair.  I'm thankful for my laptop, and the food I eat. Thanks for your support and encouragement, guys. Peace. 

 

[isaboy15]

hey there.  Isaac here. I didn't PMO today. I had a wonderful day and got a lot accomplished and performed with my high school choir for the second to last time. Beautiful day here, really enjoyed the company of my friends and my girlfriend. I'm only two days out and my depression is ebbing. I was so motivated today.  8) a serious trigger today was watching a video on procreation in Marine bio which triggered a P flashback which triggered a craving. Luckily I was in class and was able to cool off before I had a chance to do something stupid. Today I am thankful to finally be coming to an end of high school. I am so done with it. I'm thankful for music and for applause. 2 days down, 88 to go. Woohoo, lets do this!

 

[isaboy15]

Another blessed day with no PMO. I treasure these days.  3.4% is feelin pretty good. I was triggered by stress today. I found out I suddenly have a d- in one of my classes which I need to pass in order to get an honors diploma. I got really stressed and just wanted to relieve the pressure. My gf really helped me relax and calm down, god I love her, and the urge subsided. Today I felt really alive and enjyed it. I had a lot more fun in my gf's company than I have in months! my work ethic has improved, and my mood swings have decreased. Here's to no PMO! That's all for today.  peace.

 

[Sampson Munk]

Congrats on all your victories Isaac! It's awesome to have someone like that and it's also awesome your doing so well!

Reach for the stars man.

 

[isaboy15]

Thanks, Sam. Right back at ya.

 

[isaboy15]

I just PMO'd.  good news is. I didn't jump right to it. In fact, I was really close to talking myself out of it. It used to be that when the urge struck I was off the the races before I could say "reboot". This time I avoided it for a good ten minutes.

Next time I have an opportunity and an urge, instead of trying to talk my sick mind out of it, I will shut my laptop and go for a run. The time that I spend looking at P is more of a waste of time than going for a run is.

I was triggered by being alone. My thoughts just kinda drifted and there was no one there to distract me. This was one of those triggers that I just couldn't avoid. I need to build up my reflex to go for a run when I feel urges.

Today I am thankful for rain. I am thankful for BBQ chicken, goldfish crackers, and choral music. I am thankful for this band of brothers that keeps me accountable. Thanks, guys.

Starting over on the hard 90.  8) here we go.

Peace.

 

[Recovery101]

Stay strong man. Don't let the urges overcome you. I'm not saying relapses are good, but they help us see what we need to fix to make the best of our reboots. Best of luck -Rec101

 

[isaboy15]

Thanks, rec101. I appreciate your support. 
no PMO today. I'm tired from work and school and stuff. I've started journaling not before I go to bed but right when I get home to stay for the evening. This helps me keep you guys in mind when urges arise. Seriously, you guys help me so much.

Today I was triggered by a pretty usual trigger, a swimsuit ad that came on one of the televisions at my workplace. Luckily I was working so I didn't have time to seriously have an urge, but I think I'll do without dish when I move into my own place.  I can't put k9 on my T.V., and I can find the same shows and better news online anyway.

Today I am thankful for tips, old friends,a place to work, and sore feet. I'm thankful for this band of rebooters, and as always for the support my gf gives me and the strength and forgiveness my God gives me.

Day 2 and feelin better. Peace  Isaac out.

 

[isaboy15]

Day 4 of the hard 90. whew. this is gonna be hard. I haven't journaled the last two days because I've gotten home super late and passed out before I could journal. the last two days have been PMO free. Booyah!

Today I was triggered by all the girls in my high school wearing skimpy outfits. It's hard after four days of no PMO to keep my eyes up. Whenever I caught myself staring, I got super ashamed and that triggered me even more. When I got home I was a ball of sexual energy.

I used a meditation technique that I learned on youtube to process my urges and relax, as well as process what I had felt throughout the day. That, along with thinking of you guys really helped me to not relapse. Thanks, guys. 

Today I am thankful for the warm sun, the friendship I have with my girlfriend, big sisters, my laptop, green trees, meditation, and of course, reboot nation.

Peace.

 

[isaboy15]

just relapsed.  I think I know why. with my senior year coming to a close and my homework disappearing, I have nothing to fill my time with. I need to fall back into my old hobbies and workouts so that I can be tired at the end of the day and not be tempted to PMO like I was with all the extra energy I had today. Gonna really start doin what I love to do and making sure that I'm tired at the end of the day.

 

[Sampson Munk]

It's great to keep yourself busy. Concentrate on surviving each and day and staying strong in the moment. Stay strong man!