Time to Change

Determined18

New Member
My name is Matt.  I've been addicted to pornography for 13 years since I was 17, and I'm  30 now.  The first time I masturbated was to porn (at 17 a late bloomer).  I was instantly hooked.  I can go into much greater detail but what's the point.  This addiction has affected my behavior and personality and led my life in a certain direction.  As odd as it is I feel like I'm finally learning to be a human, to feel love and compassion.  Porn left me feeling like a soulless animal and I'm done with it.  My wife is 6 months pregnant and it's time to grow up.  I don't have intimacy with my wife and need to think of pornographic images to reach orgasm.  This is pathetic and disturbing to me.

Hopefully this is a helpful journal.  I'm only on day 3 of complete porn abstinence and masturbation (that parts easy because I only used porn).  I am determined to never do this again in my life so I can reform relationships, heal, and be a human being full of love and joy, all of which has escaped me since my early teen years.

Thanks,
Matt
 

vitam

Member
Matt,

Welcome and good news that you have decided to turn it around.  You and I are in similar situations in a couple ways: started porn about the same age and my wife is pregnant - and that is part of my motivation to change.  Also, I just don't really feel awake or alive like I used to.  Since starting this process about 1 month ago, I really feel different.  I feel like I see people differently.  I feel like things are more real.

Don't give up man.
 

Determined18

New Member
Thanks for the reply!  Really helps to know there are others in my situation.

It's been 5 days now, and I've done a few things that seem to really help.  First and foremost, I simply don't ever touch my penis or balls, ever.  I always had the habit of sitting down on the couch, watch a movie, and before I know it my hands are down my pants for no good reason at all.  I think that this just makes your dick less sensitive number one, and two you basically just tempt your self.  Your mind just goes in the sexual direction.  It's just plain and simple, I have a wife, and only she will touch me there.  I just refuse to touch myself.  This has helped greatly and my wife and I just had great sex an hour ago.  I definitely, definitely noticed greater stimulation as a result.  This one trick has taken me far already.  It's only 5 days but I know there's a difference already.

Just don't touch!  Refuse!

It also helps to not think of myself like an animal too.  I have been telling myself "stop, you're not an animal."

Seems to help.  Hope this is motivating for some.
 
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