A Good Path for Me!

fcjl8

Active Member
Hi my name is fcjl8(Paul) and I am an addict.

I am 52 and married to a great lady for 30 years...

I have been addicted to various forms of pornography (mags, vhs, stories , internet images and videos) most of my life, and obviously using the porn and fantasy to fuel masturbation.

I have been working at recovery from this addiction for a few years now. I am currently 90 days clean. I have had more clean days than using days in the last 3 years, the periods of freedom have been great.

Every aspect of my being is damaged when I use PMO... my relationships with my family members, friends and clients, everyone are diminished when I am mired in PMO use. My work and creativity also suffers enormously. My joy for life is so much greater when I am away from PMO as is my spiritual relationship.

I am working on each day, trying to make this my new life, my only way!
 

PursuitOfUnFAPpiness

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Hey Paul,

Welcome to RebootNation! Thank you for sharing your story and it sounds like you?re off to a great start with the past few years and especially the last 90 days!

I can really relate to how you said every aspect of your being is damaged when you would use PMO. I am 26 and I used internet porn for a few years (several times a week). I feel like I have always been observant of how things affect me, but didn't fully realize the magnitude of the effects of PMO until after quitting.  Among many things, the biggest was how it changed my view of women.  PMO reduced my desire for seeking depth in relationships, and what I primarily looked for in girls was physical/sexual, instead of focusing on finding someone I really enjoyed spending time with and loved and deeply cared about.

I am looking forward to hearing more of your story and how it affected you! We are still getting the site up and going, so once we get it rolling I'll take some time and post my journey too and all the ways I noticed how affected me!

-PursuitOfUnFAPpiness
 

Gabe Deem

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First off glad to have you here, I hope this place will help you on the rest of your journey, and I am sure you will help others with your posts as well.

I have been working at recovery from this addiction for a few years now. I am currently 90 days clean.

Man that is amazing! That is a huge accomplishment.

I have had more clean days than using days in the last 3 years, the periods of freedom have been great.

Really let that thought sink in. Porn actually leads us to less pleasure in life, not more like it promises. The thought that porn is against my joy is something that keeps me staying away from it, so maybe that will help you too.

One of my favorite quotes is by a man named Blaise Pascal, where he describes how everything we do is for our own happiness at some level.

?All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves.?-Blaise Pascal

Leaving porn behind is for our own happiness, and in my experience will lead to greater pleasure.

Hope the best for you



 

LTE

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Gee Paul, you remind me of someone else I met. You are doing great, my friend.
 

LTE

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a short guy said:
Congrats on 90 days Paul. Your doing great!

LTE, the similarity is uncanny...

You seem familiar too, except the guy I knew was sort of a Crazy Guggenheim. :)
 

Rex

Active Member
Paul,

You are doing great!  You and LTE have been a great inspiration and been true friends to me in this battle my last 18 days.  My 18 days free from PMO is as much your victory as it has been mine.

Keep up the good work!

 

fcjl8

Active Member
Nice to meet Gabe, Captain_Diomedes, Pursuit of Unfappiness!

LTE, a short guy and Rex... wow imagine meeting you fellows here?

I don't know about you men, but I have mixed feelings... I have hung out quite a bit at another forum for quite a while now. Journaling and the encouragement of men like you have really helped me on my path. Now should I decide to stick to one forum?

I am just so thankful that we have these places. To meet each other and help and be helped!

Thanks very much to the minds that made this place happen.
 

fcjl8

Active Member
Sunday morning... our clocks just "sprang forward" so it looks like we slept in but actually did not?

Just my wife and myself here this morning and we enjoyed cuddling, and non-sexual physical contact this morning, just touch and kissing and that connection that helps produce the good brain chemicals.

We are going to our small local church this morning. I did not mention in my first post that I am a follower of Jesus. I promise I won't preach or try any conversions... I only came to Christ a few years back myself and it was my own choice. If I discuss my Faith it is just from my perspective. If there happens to be any other believers here and we talk about this that's cool.

I have atheist friends, jewish friends, muslim freinds, hindu etc.. I love them all! I believe God Loves all of us.

Honestly, prayer is a big part of my recovery... I pray for God to help me carry this and deal with any temptation each morning, and several times a day. I had my 2 relapses when I drifted a bit and took the strength that God gives me for granted.

Just sharing my truth this morning.
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Paul,
good for you!

Keep up the good work!
I'm glad you mentioned the part about creativity and relationships with family, friends, etc.
Because as you said, it affects all around us.
 

Rex

Active Member
fcjl8 said:
Sunday morning... our clocks just "sprang forward" so it looks like we slept in but actually did not?

Just my wife and myself here this morning and we enjoyed cuddling, and non-sexual physical contact this morning, just touch and kissing and that connection that helps produce the good brain chemicals.

We are going to our small local church this morning. I did not mention in my first post that I am a follower of Jesus. I promise I won't preach or try any conversions... I only came to Christ a few years back myself and it was my own choice. If I discuss my Faith it is just from my perspective. If there happens to be any other believers here and we talk about this that's cool.

I have atheist friends, jewish friends, muslim freinds, hindu etc.. I love them all! I believe God Loves all of us.

Honestly, prayer is a big part of my recovery... I pray for God to help me carry this and deal with any temptation each morning, and several times a day. I had my 2 relapses when I drifted a bit and took the strength that God gives me for granted.

Just sharing my truth this morning.

fcjl8,

I agree with you, I could not have gotten through the last 20 days without a structured prayer life.  You were the one who pointed this out to me when I had the worst day of what seemed like never ending temptations.  I felt like superman next to cryptonite.  And once you pointed out the prayer aspect, I realized that I hadn't prayed my morning prayers.  Ever since then I have not forgotten my morning prayers and the temptations have been much easier to deal with since then. 
 

fcjl8

Active Member
I don't think this is really that important but just want to mention that I never developed ED... I always maintained a pretty good sexual relationship with my wife... I did not want to free myself from my PMO addiction for reasons related to ED.

The benefit that I did not expect or even consider as I began my recovery was much fuller erections that maintain themselves for almost any duration that my wife and I play. So, although I did not have full blown ED or even close to it. I had not realized how less my erections were until moving away from PMO. This has been a happy dicovery.

We even try karezza from time to time. Non goal oriented sexual connection and energy transference, just relaxed connection with no urge to reach climax. And this is a much better experience with the improved erectile function.

I just wanted to share this to encourage anyone here who is looking at the Ed aspect of reboot!
 

LTE

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fcjl8 said:
I don't think this is really that important but just want to mention that I never developed ED... I always maintained a pretty good sexual relationship with my wife... I did not want to free myself from my PMO addiction for reasons related to ED.

The benefit that I did not expect or even consider as I began my recovery was much fuller erections that maintain themselves for almost any duration that my wife and I play. So, although I did not have full blown ED or even close to it. I had not realized how less my erections were until moving away from PMO. This has been a happy dicovery.

We even try karezza from time to time. Non goal oriented sexual connection and energy transference, just relaxed connection with no urge to reach climax. And this is a much better experience with the improved erectile function.

I just wanted to share this to encourage anyone here who is looking at the Ed aspect of reboot!
Much like yourself, I never had ED, per se. I had less effective sexual performance because of masturbating and I had a degree of delayed ejaculation. My motives for rebooting were to rid myself of an unwanted habit, and it has worked.
 

fcjl8

Active Member
I am grateful that much of my lustful nature is coming into alignment with my real values. I know lust is a loaded term and some may scoff at the implied morality of this word, but for me I know it is the correct word. I have had great difficulty controlling thoughts of lust while out in public and even in church at times! I understand the science behind how I am wired to notice women...

I just choose to seek a better path than "runaway" thoughts of lustful desire. I want to choose when and if I have sexual thoughts and save those exclusively for me and my wife. On this front I am making great progress!!

I might always notice a beautiful woman, I'm pretty sure I will always appreciate beauty, I can direct my thoughts regarding that wonderful "sister" to pure appreciation and Love and away from lust.. I will

I have also posted this at YBR... old habits die hard. I am having trouble dealing with 2 forums right now. I don't want to repeat myself at both places but... not sure what to do, there are men i care about at YBR.
 

LTE

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fcjl8 said:
I am grateful that much of my lustful nature is coming into alignment with my real values. I know lust is a loaded term and some may scoff at the implied morality of this word, but for me I know it is the correct word. I have had great difficulty controlling thoughts of lust while out in public and even in church at times! I understand the science behind how I am wired to notice women...

I just choose to seek a better path than "runaway" thoughts of lustful desire. I want to choose when and if I have sexual thoughts and save those exclusively for me and my wife. On this front I am making great progress!!

I might always notice a beautiful woman, I'm pretty sure I will always appreciate beauty, I can direct my thoughts regarding that wonderful "sister" to pure appreciation and Love and away from lust.. I will

I have also posted this at YBR... old habits die hard. I am having trouble dealing with 2 forums right now. I don't want to repeat myself at both places but... not sure what to do, there are men i care about at YBR.
I think that the word lustful is very apt in describing the problem. I know that it was for me. The addictive element of all this has moved many of us away from our true values, once again, I know that it was for me.
 

shake19

Member
I totally agree with LTE.
P/M addiction makes me cold, it makes me lazy so I can't think about woman's and my emotions.
I don't know suitable idiomatic expression for this because I'm polish, but after P/M I feel like a flab [very tired person].
 

SlaveToRighteousness

Active Member
I used to spend a lot of time at church checking out the young women. I actually get very good feeling now when I don't even look around at church, or when I happen to see an attractive woman but immediately look away and move on.
 

fcjl8

Active Member
Noticed attractive ladies at the mall today, thanked God for all the beauty on Earth. Said a silent blessing for most everone and carried on. No lustful issues of any kind. Besides my wife is pretty hot in my opinion! And she is right here with me.

So another day of freedom, this is good, I am grateful.

Now please stop snowing!!!!
 

LTE

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fcjl8 said:
Noticed attractive ladies at the mall today, thanked God for all the beauty on Earth. Said a silent blessing for most everone and carried on. No lustful issues of any kind. Besides my wife is pretty hot in my opinion! And she is right here with me.

So another day of freedom, this is good, I am grateful.

Now please stop snowing!!!!
You can't have it all. Into every Canadian's life a little snow must fall. :)
 
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