Yes I Can!

A

aquarius25

Respected Member
Bob, you do have a long road ahead.....in fact you have your entire life ahead of you! That is not bad news but rather it's fantastic news. Each human on this planet has a struggle of some kind. If they say they don't than you know their struggle is lying, lol. We are all imperfect people. You are trying each day to recognize the areas you struggle with and to be your best self each day. Tomorrow you can try to be better still. Nothing happens over night. Some maybe take 5 years, some 3 years, some 30 years. As long as you are waking up each morning with the intention to be a better you than you are winning! Who cares how long the journey is? It's supposed to last a lifetime. You will always have something to improve and work on, it's called the human condition. Don't be discouraged, be focused. You know the areas of struggle to focus on, there are a lot of people in the world who don't even know where to start. You have incredible self awareness and if you just look back over your journal you can read huge steps of transformation in yourself and others. Those are big! Celebrate that! You are not the same person you were 5 years ago and in 5 years from now you will continue to grow. This is a journey, not a race. Soak up the process and be present for each day.

Sending you lots of love my friend!
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Thanks Idunno,

I am trying to do just that. Take what works, and leave the rest. I have been listening to a lot of pod casts lately. Gives me ideas and helps me stay focused on the road ahead.

I appreciate your thoughts and the comments.

Aquarius25,

It feels good to hear your thoughts as well. It has been a long time. The road has just begun. I just hope that the way that I have chosen will ultimately work well for me.

Peace to you both
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
While journaling and I came across a recent thought on why I need to stay away from compulsive sexual behaviors. That reminded me of an older post I made here on RN. The first list is from a negative perspective. The second, a more positive outlook on abstinence.


The consequences.
  • Further hurt and disappoint my wife.
  • PIED
  • Loose the opportunity for amazingly satisfying sex
  • Potential for STI/STD's
  • Assaulted by a stranger
  • Arrested
  • Public humiliation

The rewards.
  • Brings me closer to my wife.
  • Stay in the moment (no need to sneaking away).
  • Sex is more intense.
  • Enjoy my time making love, (no quick, "I have to O").
  • ?Sure you can use my computer", (No hidden stash).
  • All people deserve respect; Porn is not victim-less.
  • Free porn is not free. No need to line the pockets of people who exploit others.
  • More time available, ("where did the time go"?)
  • Eliminate DE and PIED issues.
  • Waking up with an intense hard-on, (it's just fun knowing it is working).
  • Pleasant emotional response around attractive females, (they're just fun to be around).
  • Increase sense of confidence as a male, (not overly shy or intimidated).
  • Perception that I am more desirable to others.
  • I am in control

Carrot or the stick; either way I need to be remain vigilant.

Peace



 
F

Free-man2018

Active Member
bob said:
While journaling and I came across a recent thought on why I need to stay away from compulsive sexual behaviors. That reminded me of an older post I made here on RN. The first list is from a negative perspective. The second, a more positive outlook on abstinence.


The consequences.
  • Further hurt and disappoint my wife.
  • PIED
  • Loose the opportunity for amazingly satisfying sex
  • Potential for STI/STD's
  • Assaulted by a stranger
  • Arrested
  • Public humiliation

The rewards.
  • Brings me closer to my wife.
  • Stay in the moment (no need to sneaking away).
  • Sex is more intense.
  • Enjoy my time making love, (no quick, "I have to O").
  • ?Sure you can use my computer", (No hidden stash).
  • All people deserve respect; Porn is not victim-less.
  • Free porn is not free. No need to line the pockets of people who exploit others.
  • More time available, ("where did the time go"?)
  • Eliminate DE and PIED issues.
  • Waking up with an intense hard-on, (it's just fun knowing it is working).
  • Pleasant emotional response around attractive females, (they're just fun to be around).
  • Increase sense of confidence as a male, (not overly shy or intimidated).
  • Perception that I am more desirable to others.
  • I am in control

Carrot or the stick; either way I need to be remain vigilant.

Peace
Click to expand...

I love lists and this one is a really good one. Thanks bob
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
I have continue my visits to a 12 step program in my area. Found one that seems like a good fit. Great group of guys. Did my first step during our last meeting. I really laid it out there. Brutally honest.

It was difficult and emotionally draining. But, I did it and I am proud of myself for that accomplishment.

 
The90daywar

The90daywar

Member
Bob?I have read most of your comments and it has helped me a lot because we are just alike. My MD doctor told me today I should think about SSA because my score on a Anxiety Depression suicide form was so bad. I have been putting off going to a SSA meetings. But now I think I might need it. Failing to abstain from PMO for so long has really beaten me up.
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
The90daywar,

My advise would be to try a meeting, then try another (different) meeting. It takes time to get with a crew that clicks. Their website does a pretty good job of showing when and where meetings are located and you get a chance to read the literature so you can understand what it is all about.

I fought it for a long time. But, after 5 years of really trying, i felt it was time.

Good luck.

Thanks Iloveicream. I appreciate your support.

Peace
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Thank you idunno,

Right now I am attempting to explore what it was that cause the pain. What is it that required self medication? I want to go to the source, not just ease the symptoms.

My compulsive sexual behavior is not the root of my problem.



 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Feeling a great deal of stress at work. Seems like I don't have time to do what needs to be done. With that comes worries and triggers. I know I need to stay away from specific behaviors but I also need to take care of my self.

Depression plays a big role in this whole thing too.

Just need to accept where I am and work to stay positive, continue to move forward.

 
F

Free-man2018

Active Member
Resist Bob.

All we know that there are forces that control us behind porn.
There is an article in YBOP very interesting to all the rebooters:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/
All that he says here is right. This is a part of it:

"Porn is not the reason you?re a procrastinator. Porn is not the reason you?re depressed. Porn is not the reason you?re lonely. Porn is not the reason you haven?t been able to lose weight or gain muscle.

Porn is the symptom.

You watch porn to escape reality. You watch porn to manage your emotions. You watch porn because you?re bored, lonely, stressed, depressed, angry, isolated. You watch porn to feel good for a moment, to replace uncomfortable emotions and situations in your life."

Resist man, you're doing very well.
Please comment some lectures or some of the group discussions, it would very helpful too.
Stay strong!
Cheers!
 
C

cranm329

Guest
Right with you with the stress/pain/depression. Accepting yourself as you are is essential. Can't give advice just hold on to truth that PMO is not an option.
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
I'm going forward with that thought. I just feel so dejected sometimes. It's what I have to watch out for and when you feel like this, you don't really give a shit about anything.

Not saying that its has me running for pmo, its just hard to handle sometimes.

Thanks for your thoughts.
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Rhetorical statements here.

How does one balance the time spent within the additive process against the time spent in recovery. Both consist of time away from loved ones, family, community. Does it constitute an addiction unto itself?

Depression looms dark today. I question almost everything. Why oh why.

 
F

Free-man2018

Active Member
Hey bob
Depression is one of the main symptoms of the withdrawal.
I'm feeling depression these days too and I understand you, sometimes is hard and everything you see is dark and with no meaning.
60 days ago I started the rebooting and except flashbacks and arousal images that comes to my mind sometimes, I have the flatline since then.
We have to focus in the 'real life' and fight against the everyday issues and avoid porn and procastination. I think that will help us in personal development, we will know how to handle with mood swings.

Don't give up man and stay strong!
We'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.
 
workinprogressUK

workinprogressUK

Well-Known Member
bob said:
Depression looms dark today. I question almost everything. Why oh why.
Click to expand...

Completely empathise with your sentiments, Bob. Being a compulsive porn addict made me miserable as sin. Giving up porn made me even more miserable. Made me cold and disinterested to everything.... Anhedonia.... Depression.... I don't know. But it persists. I think it's part chemical and part psychological and the two perpetuate each other. My perspective - based on books like The Marshmallow Test, The Chimp Paradox and Thinking Fast & Slow.... your emotional brain is strong and it desperately wants to cling on to its drug, so it plays havoc with you to try to get back their easy fix. All sorts of Cortisol and other "downer" chemicals rush your brain and you suffer depression. Do I have an easy fix? Nope. Far from it. But I'm increasingly of the view that if your reality without porn is a reality that aligns with your values..... you have a chance of building happiness over time.

Good luck, Bob. I feel for you. We've both been trying to crack this for a long time!
 
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