So im 22 almost 23, and i haven't watched cam sites for about 3 weeks now, and haven't had an orgasm for 9 days now( i masturbated without porn). about 7 days ago i reverted back to looking at craigslist posts, which was a strong trigger for me, and i was contemplating masturbating to porn because the thought of it got me decently hard. Luckily i got a call from work and i took the oppurtunity to go in so i would get out of my house, i was just thankful i didnt PMO, although I was bummed out about considering looking at craigslist, because my pattern usually went from craigslist to porn or cam sites.
I didnt add my entire story before so I thought i should edit it. I have been masturbating for a long time about 12 when i would download porn off of Ares etc. Before that though the local programming showed naked girls on TV late night so I would stay up to watch that. I was about 8 at the time, and me and a friend also tried to search for "boobs.com", things of that nature which is fitting for an 8 year old. Sorry to back track but after the Ares days I began doing ERP with female characters on video games, which had alot of psychological impact I believe. I continued that plus porn mixed in with fantasizing without either for about 3 years, atleast PMOing 3 - 4 times a day. I was 16 after those 3 years and really toned it down on the porn, PMOing only a few times a week, 2-3, really depending if i was home or not because I was hanging out with friends more often, but I still masturbated to it. This time is when i had my first sexual encounter past kissing, but not sex. It was just with her hand, but it felt really good and I had full sensation in my penis. I can remember how it feels, but It wont feel the same now. Shortly after this I really started getting into drugs, probably porn as well, I cant remember vividly for I was using alot of drugs at the time. When I was 17 though I got a job, stuck to just weed, but I was still PMOing pretty much through my entire senior year. I had very bad issues with it at this time and I was also very stressed at this point in my life. I was unhappy that i was going to graduate a virgin and it sent me into a deep depression which involved alot of addictive behavior like smoking more, heavy video game playing, and of course porn use was in the mix as well, similar to the 3 year binge but not quite as bad. It continued to evolve into sick fetishes that were introduced to me early on and it started getting out of control. Around this time is when I feel like I started to physically damage my penis. I continued porn use that was getting alot heavier, and eventually led me to craigslist. I started checking out the personnel's section when i was 18 and had been doing so since then up until I quit watching porn, with one slip up that led me to view some posts but didnt lead to porn use. The porn use continued, and along came the ED. I think the ED hit me the hardest when I was about 21, but i cant remember if I was having erection problems before that with porn. When i was 21 though, i used to masturbate very rough to porn because i wasnt getting an erection, and it has damaged my penis And i feel is responsible for my low sensation to touch and also the abnormal curve. I havnt spoke with a urologist yet but i plan to, my GP said everything looked fine though. So that leads me to my current age, 22, and after my birthday I tried my first sexual encounter, but couldnt get it to work. We passed it off as me smoking and I tried the next day, with less preformance pressure and not having PMO'd earlier that day. I still had little sensation and i didnt feel much, but none the less worked in a way. Changing positions was out of the question though. I again saw her a couple days after that so forth, PMOing in between the days seeing her and i still had issues keeping up and it wasnt very strong when it was. Thats when I started searching to see if i may have physically damaged my penis with masturbation, and saw somethings that i still think i have issues with, which is why i need to see a urologist. But it leads me to today, i found this website in january and took it into consideration, doing slight research here and there. Quitting around april 21st i really started to read what the site had to offer( even though i need to read more). Im having more troubles with MO than with PMO, so im really wondering what should be done.
Anyways, thanks for having me here, wish me luck as I continue my journey, and apologies for my writing. Talking about my self is much more difficult than a research paper.
I didnt add my entire story before so I thought i should edit it. I have been masturbating for a long time about 12 when i would download porn off of Ares etc. Before that though the local programming showed naked girls on TV late night so I would stay up to watch that. I was about 8 at the time, and me and a friend also tried to search for "boobs.com", things of that nature which is fitting for an 8 year old. Sorry to back track but after the Ares days I began doing ERP with female characters on video games, which had alot of psychological impact I believe. I continued that plus porn mixed in with fantasizing without either for about 3 years, atleast PMOing 3 - 4 times a day. I was 16 after those 3 years and really toned it down on the porn, PMOing only a few times a week, 2-3, really depending if i was home or not because I was hanging out with friends more often, but I still masturbated to it. This time is when i had my first sexual encounter past kissing, but not sex. It was just with her hand, but it felt really good and I had full sensation in my penis. I can remember how it feels, but It wont feel the same now. Shortly after this I really started getting into drugs, probably porn as well, I cant remember vividly for I was using alot of drugs at the time. When I was 17 though I got a job, stuck to just weed, but I was still PMOing pretty much through my entire senior year. I had very bad issues with it at this time and I was also very stressed at this point in my life. I was unhappy that i was going to graduate a virgin and it sent me into a deep depression which involved alot of addictive behavior like smoking more, heavy video game playing, and of course porn use was in the mix as well, similar to the 3 year binge but not quite as bad. It continued to evolve into sick fetishes that were introduced to me early on and it started getting out of control. Around this time is when I feel like I started to physically damage my penis. I continued porn use that was getting alot heavier, and eventually led me to craigslist. I started checking out the personnel's section when i was 18 and had been doing so since then up until I quit watching porn, with one slip up that led me to view some posts but didnt lead to porn use. The porn use continued, and along came the ED. I think the ED hit me the hardest when I was about 21, but i cant remember if I was having erection problems before that with porn. When i was 21 though, i used to masturbate very rough to porn because i wasnt getting an erection, and it has damaged my penis And i feel is responsible for my low sensation to touch and also the abnormal curve. I havnt spoke with a urologist yet but i plan to, my GP said everything looked fine though. So that leads me to my current age, 22, and after my birthday I tried my first sexual encounter, but couldnt get it to work. We passed it off as me smoking and I tried the next day, with less preformance pressure and not having PMO'd earlier that day. I still had little sensation and i didnt feel much, but none the less worked in a way. Changing positions was out of the question though. I again saw her a couple days after that so forth, PMOing in between the days seeing her and i still had issues keeping up and it wasnt very strong when it was. Thats when I started searching to see if i may have physically damaged my penis with masturbation, and saw somethings that i still think i have issues with, which is why i need to see a urologist. But it leads me to today, i found this website in january and took it into consideration, doing slight research here and there. Quitting around april 21st i really started to read what the site had to offer( even though i need to read more). Im having more troubles with MO than with PMO, so im really wondering what should be done.
Anyways, thanks for having me here, wish me luck as I continue my journey, and apologies for my writing. Talking about my self is much more difficult than a research paper.