Backstory - Hello. I am a newly, self-diagnosed sex addict. My introduction to this nightmare started when I was around 14 years old (and possibly younger, but that's my starting point for the more hardcore stuff). It started off innocent enough with friends bringing a dirty magazine to school or finding a parent's video stash. Then the Internet made its arrival into my life, and things unknowingly started getting worse. First it was chat rooms, getting thrills from chatting to those I thought were genuine, not considering anyone being a predator since I'd never heard of such a thing then. After that, it progressed to porn picture sites, and then, ultimately, video sites. I remember the thrill and excitement of seeing my first video ever - seeing the pictures finally come to life. At the time I still hadn't really discovered masturbation, so I hadn't related the two at the time, but that came about shortly afterwards. Thus began a steady diet of online porn viewing, and more frequent PMO. I had also met my girlfriend at this time, not realizing the torment that I was about to put her through. Flash forward to my twenties, and I am still watching porn in college. I am now engaged to my girlfriend, and still feeling the urges to watch porn when she is not around. Our sex life is pretty regular like any one else's I imagine, but I have already experienced some light ED issues, chalking it up to fatigue or diet, anything but porn. She has caught me with it a couple times, and even picture swapping with strangers from chat rooms. She had threatened to leave, but I convinced her I would change and got her to stay. Next, we are married and shortly after, have our first child. I should be stopping the porn viewing but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's becoming pretty regular now and routine - I'll wait until my wife goes to sleep and then, saying it was out of boredom as I stayed up late, would start viewing porn. The interest in my wife I feel is ebbing away at times, until she calls me out on it and I confess. Again, she threatens to leave with my child. This manages to scare me off the porn for a while, hoping I have turned a corner in my habit. Soon enough, though, the old habits return and I am back in front of the computer screen, doing what I know I shouldn't be doing. Not only am I doing this, but now I start fantasizing about other women, too, thinking that I have some sort of machismo aura that would attract any woman. This leads to inappropriate flirting with my wife's friends, as well as very inappropriate chat conversations with co-workers at work. I have only recently discovered that I indeed have a sex addiction problem, stemming from porn, and am working to make the necessary improvements to keep my family together. My wife has all but given up hope on me, and we are currently living together, but as separated people. Her level of trust is next to nothing, and rightfully so. She has told me that even if I do get better, there is no 100% certainty that we would be together again. She just wants me to be a better human being for myself and our children. My goal right now is to break this vicious cycle once and for all. I am going to meetings and checking out information on YBOP and YBR and feel that it speaks to me, so it looks hopeful. I've been a few days clean so far, and want to see if I can reach a simple goal of 30 days to start, then go from there. I am still trying to figure out what my triggers are, besides just being by myself. My ultimate goal is to win my wife back, both in her trust and her love. Here's to the first step of what I know is a long, tough road.