New life begins

jjyb

Member
I like making smoothies for breakfast, or sometimes just oatmeal with lots of cinnamon.  Started out with just fruit smoothies but now they are mostly vegetables, with flavored soy protein powder.  It's got to taste good or you probably won't continue, so get a good smoothie app or look at youtube videos.  You can probably keep most of the ingredients in your room.  They say a good breakfast will help the whole day, I find it definitely helps.  If I get too hungry then I eat bad, and too much.  So I also use healthy snacks throughout the day, like cliff bars or rice cakes (there are some really good ones out there). I also am vegan, I got started by just trying it for three days.  I never thought I would make it, I didn't think I would get enough to eat.  But it turned out to be a lot of fun and I never went back.  I think what I have learned from switching that would help you is to start looking for tasty yet healthier alternatives, get out of the rut of ordering the same thing at the same places and try something different.  You might be surprised at how much better you can eat and still be happy. Try different restaurants as well: subway is an excellent choice (go light on cheese, meat and sauce, just enough so it still tastes good, mustard gets you a lot of flavor and oil vinegar is good as well), baja fresh (skip the chips), chipotle (black beans instead of pinto, sofritas instead of meat), etc.  I guess my point is you can still eat very tasty food that is much healthier, you just have to look for it.

Recently the biggest change I have made is portion control.  I am literally eating half what I was eating before, and much to my surprise I'm not dying.  Granted, I supplement with vitamins and soy protein, but it's still shocking how much I ate was just overeating and mental addiction to eating.  I've realized I'm at an age where I need to eat much less, and it makes me very sad, I loved getting stuffed. But that's another idea: I find vitamins help keep the appetite down a tad.

Exercise: I think what really helped me the most was an indecent about a year ago.  I love the couch as well but would remember fondly the days when I was young and running felt great, but the few times I would try it again I would feel like crap and never get very far.  But one day I had to run to get the car so I could get my wife somewhere on time, I literally ran 1/2 a mile really fast in my jeans.  I felt like crap as usual most of the way and had to push myself really hard, but towards the end I suddenly felt great. A light went off in my head, the problem was I always stopped to soon.  I started running again, and I told myself "you are going to feel like crap for a while, but then it will get better." Sure enough, I push through the crap and usually each run ends with me feeling great, and overall the runs feel better with time. If you try it progress slowly with two or three days in between and don't push too hard, you don't want to get injured.  If running is not your thing try swimming, or the gym, even walking is excellent.  Just remember that it will feel good, you just have to get there.

I mention exercise because it really seems to help me with this addiction, and it tends to motivate me to eat better.  And I'd say at this point it's becoming a replacement hobby for this addiction.  That's kind of my logic, if I'm going to eat out and eat tasty food, at least it can be healthy, if I'm going to be addicted, at least it can be to something healthy like exercise. 

My wife uses myfitnesspal.com to track calories and steps, I'm not into it but it really helps her and you might find it motivating.

Hope this helps.
 

Jimbo

Active Member
Thanks for the replies. Yes all of your suggestions are being taken into account. I think what helps most in all of this is the commenting by others in my journal. Just knowing people are here to help and give encouragement is the best tool we have. Thank you very much.
 

Punk Monk

Active Member
Hang in there L.T.D,

I feel you about not eating healthy. If it wasn't for the fact that heart disease and diabetes run in my family, I'd probably be 300 lbs (and I'm 5' 10").  I love to eat. But also sort of like to be alive.  So I've been active in one way or the other throughout my life.

But I've also found that doing something active (weightlifting, yoga, swimming, martial arts) bleeds off a lot of the tension that might otherwise lead to me looking for self gratification. It clears my head.

The yoga sounds like a good idea. Give it a shot. Or just head to the gym and literally throw your weights around  ;)

As for eating out on a healthy budget, it CAN be done. You just need to have disciplined and be willing to have some severely limited options (Boston Market, sandwich shops like Subway or Jimmy John's, or lots of grilled chicken).

Good luck, man. You're doing great.
 

Jimbo

Active Member
Thank you! Subconsciously I have been eating more Subway and getting fish sandwiches instead of the double monsters more often. So I guess I have been eating slightly better. I'm 240 but it's a fairly sliming 240. Got the gut but it's not that bad. Sodas are gone. Been drinking lots of Brisk iced teas. But that's a start too. I'll be on water soon.

Talked to my friends girlfriend, a fitness nut, about joining a yoga class. Gave me some tips in picking one out. But I'm not sure I want to do this yet. Wednesday is her yoga day. She works out at home. And I'll be attending her workout just to see what it's all about and if it's something I can put up with. :)  If it goes semi-well then I'll start taking a few classes a week or month....whatever.

This whole experience has kinda woke me up. It's time to grow up. Get my shit together. The main goal is to get my own apartment when this lease ends (spring). So that's gonna take financial discipline. Need to work for that to happen. So, need to be organized and focused enough to concentrate on the work task in front of me. This leads to getting done with work early. What to do with that time? Join a yoga class leads to eat better. This is going to be a total 180 overhaul. And hopefully that leads to seeing a man I'm truly proud of in the mirror. Getting easier and easier to look at that jackass everyday tho.
 

Jimbo

Active Member
Took a little nap this afternoon. Woke up with uber MW.  "So horny. I could beat this thing to submission in minutes." Nope! Not today! Day 11 going strong. 
 
L.T.D. said:
My story is similar to most on here. I'm 41 and have not been very successful in relationships. Was married for 8 years and that ended 3 years ago. Had a few girlfriends since and recently got dumped by someone I truly care for.  Basically due to a lack of intimacy connected to ED issues.  Why is this happening to me? I was just chalking it up to being older and this is just the the way life is. Starting to believe that all guys my age are having the same problem and I guess little blue pills are the answer. Then surfing the web I come across articles on porn addiction. Porn addiction? What kind of loser is addicted to porn? Me, that's who. As I read the article I realize all the symptoms describe me and my issues to a T. Then watching some of Gabe's videos I realize that this is great news! I'm addicted to porn! I can be cured! This will be fixed! There are support groups for this? Even better! Just finding this out has changed my attitude 180 degrees! Now the road to recovery begins. Trying to cure a routine habit of 15-20 years is not going to be easy. Been 2 days without pmo (not exactly sure what this stands for yet) and so far I'm feeling inspired and hopeful. Not looking forward to the withdrawal but knowing there is an end to this sexual Hell is so relieving.

This is a journal of my progress. I'm happy to be here and any advice or support is welcomed. Thank you in advance.

Hey, you are not alone. That's a good start. Porn addiction can affect ED, so can an unhealthy lifestyle and lack of fitness. Don't let these ruin your life. Cheers, pal.
 

Kurall_Creator

Active Member
Good job LTD!

On the food front, I make myself a smoothie every morning. 2 cups of mixed milk and orange juice, one banana, a large handful of mixed frozen Barrie's, two heaping tablespoons of probiotic yogurt, and some honey.

On the weekends, I make myself a dinner in a crockpot, like spaghetti sauce, or a stew, soup, or something I'm craving. I package it away in ziplock containers in the freezer and when I am about to eat, I take out the container, microwave it and then eat. Quick, easy, and healthy!

Exercise is so important. Taking yoga classes should help both the fitness and the social aspects of your life! Go for it!!!
 

Jimbo

Active Member
Long story short....the ex and I are back together. It just makes sense. So I pick her up and we go for a little drive and eat/drink at a beachside bar. OMG The crab melt was to literally die for! Had a few beers then took a walk down to the beach. I stopped her half way there and kissed her (got a mini chub). Held each other on the beach for a while. Very nice. Took her home and things heated up quickly. I am proud to report the little soldier was given the Silver Star! No V penetration, due to monthly issues, which was great to have that pressure off. (My ED would be ok thru foreplay but pushin rope when going for penetration) I am certain that if penetration was going to happen tonight he would have been up for that challenge too. I know I'm not cured but that was an awesome experience. Yes I got my O and one of the best Os I've ever had.

Now time to sit back and see what's happens. Is this gonna push me into another flatline? I don't care. I'd do it again in a minute.

I should add it was the emotional connection that made this possible. That was the little things like holding hands, her touching my arm when driving, the red light kissing, and just looking into her eyes.
 

Jimbo

Active Member
Well, 13 days in. The anxiety is still there, although it seems to be better. I did have sex yesterday afternoon. And everything worked well and it was a wonderful experience. Maybe a little DE but no woman ever complained about a little DE. I have noticed that the urge to M has been stronger since being "active" again. I just keep reminding myself of the consequences and the urge fades pretty quickly.
 

Punk Monk

Active Member
Just read your post.  Good to hear it, man!

Sometimes all it takes is one success to be a confidence booster.

And yeah...I had the urge to M after my success earlier this week. Still fighting it right now as I type this.  I guess when them juices start flowing they want to keep going!

Just keep reminding yourself how much better the real thing is than the self help.

Eventually, your body will catch on.
 

Jimbo

Active Member
2 weeks in the can. Resetting goal for 30 days.

The ED issue has improved dramatically but I'm finding that I'm being selfish in bed. This is unusual for me. I've always gone into sex thinking this is not about me. This is about her. But this week I've noticed the opposite. My sexual habits over the past years were completely selfish, I get that now.  So when it came to having actual sex it wasn't about me (mostly due to knowing I couldn't preform anyway). I always had my pmo to fall back on. Take the pmo away and I've become a selfish lover.

I sure hope practice makes perfect. I really don't want to lose this woman....again. She is being a trooper through this though. We talk openly and honestly about all of this, which is really nice and helpful.
 

Punk Monk

Active Member
I was the same way...pretty unselfish in the sack. Usually because it took me longer to get off and I knew it would happen eventually. So I could afford to be and enjoyed being "generous".

But as the PIED and DE really took off, I began to focus a lot more on me which, as you all know, can lead to its own set of problems.

Like you, I've been very open with my wife about my situation. And she's flat out said we can "focus on me" for now as we work through this. 

However, I find the opposite happening. As the PIED and PMO haze has started to lift, I find myself exploring more of the sensations around the real thing and am just enjoying the moment.

 

Jimbo

Active Member
Just an update/check in.

Overall life is good. The relationship has rekindled and progressing nicely. Even missing her when she's not with me (Something I didn't feel while PMOing). Sex is improving, meaning I'm improving. The last couple of times no problems with the ED but it feels so damn good now that I can't last long enough. This has never been an issue. I was considered the ironman lol. I'm sure this is just a little phase, like the others I've had recently.

Had 1 soda (today) over the last week. And eating better overall. Went out and instead of the bbq bacon cheese burger with onion rings, I ordered the avocado BLT and a house salad. It didn't kill me and tasted better than I thought it would. Probably not going to join a yoga class. That might upset the relationship. So still figuring out what I'm going to do exercise wise. Sill doing the sit ups and push ups twice a day. That's getting a little easier.

Work has been a little slow lately but it's still paying the bills. Started a budget for the first time ever.

Still going strong. Get the desire to M often and P rarely makes a appearance in my thoughts. The P is easily dismissed by remembering the consequences. The M is getting tougher to blow off. Now with this hypersensitivity I'm getting during sex, I start thinking that maybe I should rub one out every now and then to off set the premature issue. Not yet. Gonna see what happens without that for now. The girlfriend has been a real sport during all this. I'm lucky to have received a second chance with her.
 

bob

Respected Member
You are doing great L.T.D.
L.T.D. said:
Get the desire to M often and P rarely makes a appearance in my thoughts. The P is easily dismissed by remembering the consequences. The M is getting tougher to blow off. Now with this hypersensitivity I'm getting during sex, I start thinking that maybe I should rub one out every now and then to off set the premature issue. Not yet. Gonna see what happens without that for now. The girlfriend has been a real sport during all this. I'm lucky to have received a second chance with her.

I am following your progress and I think your headed in the right direction. Keep up the good work!
 

Kurall_Creator

Active Member
L.T.D. said:
The ED issue has improved dramatically but I'm finding that I'm being selfish in bed. This is unusual for me. I've always gone into sex thinking this is not about me. This is about her. But this week I've noticed the opposite. My sexual habits over the past years were completely selfish, I get that now.  So when it came to having actual sex it wasn't about me (mostly due to knowing I couldn't preform anyway). I always had my pmo to fall back on. Take the pmo away and I've become a selfish lover.

I know what you mean on the reboot thing, you just want to take her, and it's all about you. You can take some time with her first though. My girlfriend and I will spend time priming the hanger for the airplane, so to speak, and it really turns me on more to hear her squeal as I go to town with my nimble fingers.

And then the plane goes into the hanger. . .
 

Jimbo

Active Member
3 weeks and no P.

Yesterday morning I M'd. Thought of nothing but the girlfriend and things we've already done. Then, just a couple hours later she sends me a text basically saying come over and take me. So my work day ended early. Initially every thing was great. I spent time attending to her.  Penetration (my weak spot) went fine. Had to take a break due to needing to catch my breath. The little soldier took a little break too.  A few mins later the fondling began again. The soldier woke up but he lost interest when it came time to penetrate again. Tried this 2-3 times and no dice. Pretty sure the M earlier was the culprit. Lesson learned.

Can't really complain tho. Been having sex almost daily for about 10 days, mostly without ED issues (some DE at times and some PE at others). This woman has really been a blessing in my life. Not for the sex but for the closeness, the intimacy, and the companionship. We have busy conflicting schedules today and meeting up probably won't happen until work tonight.

Home life has gone south again. This roommate continues to make my life a living Hell. She is straight up psycho. Continuing to steal and then ask me for favors. I work from home during the day and the Internet is a necessity. I pay my share every month. I was told a month ago by her bf, after the cable/internet got shut off and cost me about $1000 in lost income, "You need to get your own fucking Internet." So that's what I did. She then has the balls to ask me for the wifi password. Of course I say no. After a verbal war I leave the house and return to find the cable coming to the house is cut. Can't live like this much longer. Took off my doorknob and replaced it with a deadbolt. Which I lock every time I leave my room. And I now unplug the router when I leave the house. The only thing I ever did wrong with these people is catch her stealing. And I'm the bad guy. Looking for my own apartment now and will break the lease to live in a healthier environment. If I don't leave I'm afraid she'll get even nuttier. Like give herself a black eye and call the cops on me. Who needs that BS? I know this isn't pmo related but might as well put this on paper too.
 

hopeful

Member
L.T.D.,
good to hear you're making progress, and not indulge yourself into the safety of old habits.M.O,ing is, at least in our case, not a good idea.
For me MO will go to PMO very easily.
Sorry to hear that your home life is such a mess.One thing you really don't need right now.
Try to stay focussed.
Regards!
 

Bango Skank

Active Member
Just got through your story; you're really going through the wars mate. Good job on 3 weeks especially with all the other shit going on. Not surprised at all that ED has come back to haunt you, I expect most of us would be the same in your situation.
 
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