My Journey to Recovery - The One

The One

Member
Day 37/

Had 2 wet dreams the past 2 nights.

Been spending lots of time with my family lately and really enjoying it.

As for as my libido goes, its gone. Not even morning wood anymore. I don't understand! I've only watched porn once since January. I didn't expect things to get so much worse. I'm scarred.
 
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CrazyFrog357

Guest
The One said:
As for as my libido goes, its gone. Not even morning wood anymore. I don't understand! I've only watched porn once since January. I didn't expect things to get so much worse. I'm scarred.

Don't worry man! Just remember it happens to a lot of people, and it's only temporary. You'll get through it eventually, and life will be a lot more rewarding afterwards :)
Wet dreams are a good sign - I had one once after going without for 20-odd days or so - great experience (except I woke up immediately once my body realised I was basically pissing my pants, lol).
Keep going! Ignore the anxiety and push through, we're here for you.
 

The One

Member
Day 38 & 39/

Emotionally, I have high highs & low lows. I'll look at it in an optimistic way & consider it an improvement.
 

The One

Member
Day 40/

Woke up with morning wood even though I was lying on my stomach. I'll consider it progress.
 

The One

Member
Day 41/

Holy fuck, I'm on day 41.

Woke up with some morning wood again today. Cool.

Also finding girls attractive again and mentally getting out of this weird asexual frame I was uncomfortably in the past few days.
 

Wabbajack

Active Member
This is great news :) This is the breakthrough that in my case made me believe in the reboot :) This is when you create a mindset that can get you going for the rest of the reboot with no relapses :)

Good luck!
 

The One

Member
Day 42/

Another day with morning wood, sweet news!

Also noticed that, although its only noon; so far today i can get pretty hard erections to thought (of real people)
 

The One

Member
Day 43 & 44/

I'm thinking about sex like a crazy mofo. I do get hard when I think about it but i never think its as hard as a want it. Maybe I should think about that too much.

Also pretty good wood when I sleep. Cool.

i have 3 potential dates I can go on with 3 different girls but I'm scarred i wont be able to perform. Fuck.

I'll wait a week before I do that I think.

I need to get back into meditation.
 

The One

Member
Day 47/

Hi,
I'm getting very good morning wood and its getting much, much easier for me to get hard to my thought alone (thinking about REAL PEOPLE).
I'm happy to say that for the past little while I have had no more desire to watch porn at all and I think it's here to stay! Yay. Although I do have porn flashback occasionally; I can think about a porn video I watched once for maybe 30 seconds and for some reason I can remember it from like 5 years ago, it's crazy weird.
I am now past the halfway point in my 90 day challenge. I am going to allow myself to M again after 90 days if I feel cool with it. I'm considering testing myself... stroking my cock for a minute or so to see what happens. I am very nervous nothing will happen though.
I've made a decision that for the next 2 weeks, I am going to meditate every day for 20 minutes. My mom also bought me this online budhist course on getting a peace of mind, very happy to have it.
Also kinda wanna start going back into the dating field by next week. Cool.
Onwards!!
 

The One

Member
I'm on day 50/

I'm back to being very scarred. I had another anxiety attack about this, i can tell its making my family very uncomfortable.
I did something I may be regretting. I looked at other reasons I might have ED and my mind is playing the most ridiculous games with me.
I'm afraid my foreskin may be too tight and it caused me ED.
I'm afraid I may have 'broken penis syndrome' from masturbating prone as a kid.
I'm afraid my dick is too small and even if I did get fixed no girl would want me for its size.
I'm afraid my dick may stop working from not giving it sexual stimulation.
FUUUUUCK. Please God, I just want a happy sex life!
I am scarred I will never get better and the thoughts make me suicidal. I am seeing a therapist.
I need to see a urologist or sex therapist.
 
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CrazyFrog357

Guest
Calm down, man.
Things are going to turn out alright.
Don't listen to those anxious voices in your head, you'll be fine.
Just don't obsess about this, if you can.
And don't forget we're here to support you ;)
 

The One

Member
Day 53/

Seeing psychiatrist, they say I have OCD. Beautiful. I know I have HOCD and SOCD too now. It's hard to remain optimistic.

Bonders are... whatever.

I want my sex life back that I never had.
 

The One

Member
Day 54/

Bought Norman Doidge's book The Brain That Changes Itself today; great read. It's actually calming me as I read it. I was skeptical that a book like this would assist me during my reboot but actually recommend it from what I am reading so far.

 

The One

Member
55/

My psychologist is going to set me me up with an appointment at a sexual dysfunction clinic. This is very good because I do want to rule out any organic issues that could be present. After this appointment I will go back to dating and start rewiring with real people.

As for the flat-line. It's well... it is what it is. Random 50% erections and whatever.

 
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CrazyFrog357

Guest
Whether or not your ED is caused by PMO, staying abstinent is still the right thing to do and will help you in many other ways :)
You're doing really well - 55 days, f*ck :D
Stay optimistic and keep fighting.
 

The One

Member
@CrazyFrog357 - Your an amazing individual. When I write my Success Story, I'm gonna dedicate a paragraph too you cuz of your super-awesome support haha.

56/

New genre of withdrawl symptoms -- problems concentrating, memory problems, brain fog... people around me are noticing.

I've additionally given up snap-chat a while ago. I decided tonight to give up instagram and timehop for a few months.

I want a 100% hard on so bad. I miss the days i could balance shit on my dick that it was so hard. It's been so long since I could do that.
 

The One

Member
Holy shit, its Day 61/

Since my last post... I had a wet dream; twice I had considerably good morning wood; one time I got a woody on the subway.

Emotionally I am getting worse though. I wish I never masturbated prone for a few years. God, how could i have been so stupid.
 

The One

Member
Day 62/

Had morning wood this morning lasted a lil bit after getting up.

Today I realized that it was actually the age of 16 that I started masturbating... making it only 2 years that I masturbated prone. That is a bit of a relief for me. Phewww.
 

The One

Member
Hi all, its Day 64/

Past few days have been bad.To be honest, yes I am feeling suicidal at times, but I have promised my family and psychologist that I will not do anything drastic for the next little while. Now let's talk about what has happened lately.

It's time to talk about wet dreams, gentlemen.

Wet Dreams

Okay, so I had 3 wet dreams the past 3 nights. At first I thought, Okay good, this is normal in my reboot. But now, after getting one every night for the past 3 nights, I'm concerned. Some guys report that wet dreams can raise libido, but I have had so many the past few nights that it has dropped my libido so much that I am in the deepest flatline I have been in. I hate it. I'm starting to worry that because I am refraining from M and O that I am humping the bed in my sleep without knowing it. Because I did M prone for 2 years it does scare me. I don't want to be making shit worse for myself.
Stay optimistic; at least your not watching porn.
Is it normal to have this many wet dreams? This recent experience has caused my dick to go even more frail and limp (UGH, F*CK) and my dick was actually sore at times after the 3rd night. I'm interested in responses.
so that's that. Moving on..

Morning Wood; getting it every night but still not completely hard & it will indeed go down by the time I'm up and walking around in a minute's time.

No spontaneous erections. Even when I think about sex with real people i get 10 percent hard. Fuck, it's really concerning.

I'm so sick of my friends and co-workers talking about love, sex, flirting, hot girls, etc. At one point yesterday I walked away form my co-workers to cry because a hot, fit customer flirted with me with her boyfriend behind her amazed that I was flirting back so easily. My co-workers then came up to me congratulating me on it; then I went and cried. Fuck.

I'm starting to think I may be Asexual. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Remember James,, every symptom of withdrawl you have seen in other people's recovery stories. You can get through this. BE STRONG.

Thank god I only PMO'd for 4 years before this (2 years prone, 2 years the normal way).

I'm seeing a family doctor tomorrow for a physical. I already know when I tell her what I'm going through she wont believe me. She better refer me to a urologist.

My dick feels limp as shit.

That's it to report for now. Sorry for the long post. 



 
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CrazyFrog357

Guest
Hey man, 64 days, you're doing so well.
About the wet dreams - I don't think it's them affecting your libido. I wouldn't really know though, I've only had like 2 or 3 my entire life, and none at all in the almost 40 days I've been clean.
I can only advise you to stop obsessing so much about your sexual health. It will quite probably take care of itself once your reboot is through.
And at least your drive to flirt seems to be pushing you in the right direction... If you're even remotely interested in girls in such a way, you're definitely not asexual.
And don't worry about the whole morning wood thing, either. I rarely get it and (as far as I can tell) I'm perfectly healthy and don't have ED.
It's not something every guy HAS to have every single morning. Or at all, even.
Don't let all this crap pull you down too much. We're here for you ;)
 
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