My short introduction

Tom_itsa

Member
Hello everyone,

my name is Tom, I'm 31 years old and really glad to have found this forum.

It's 3am here and I'm sitting in front of my computer screen and trying to make a change in the patterns of my behavior.

The problems have been piling up through out the years and a short summary of my 12 year old porn addiction are these: erectile dysfunction but only with real life partners (this is my diagnosis though), often enough porn interferes with my daily duties and results in me doing maybe 30 or 40% of the things I planned to do and finally long porn sessions almost always leave me feeling empty, weak and lacking energy and initiative and feeling somehow alienated from others. Also, there is a concern about the total lack of excitement around women and the lack of libido which I used to have. And finally, there is a problem that my fantasies are becoming more perverted, more violent towards women and more unrealistic, which I'm sure is related to the ED that I've mentioned, because this is not how it works out in real life most of the time nor I'm the type of person that is satisfied with my fantasies being that way. Also, on top of all that, this porn and masturbation obsession are a way to handle depression and a tool to avoid resolving and dealing with problems that occur in my life.

Since it's so late, I wanted to type this post as a guarantee that I will come back and persevere in my intention to change. It's kind of a big deal that I've even found this place because usually my Internet search would just end up on some sites that are basically commercials for pills or similar products. Tomorrow will be my first day without masturbation and I hope that this forum (combined with my will, of course) will help me stop for a much longer time.

Once more, hello to all the members and I will definitely type more tomorrow after a good night sleep :)

 

Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
@ Tom_itsa
It's kind of a big deal that I've even found this place because usually my Internet search would just end up on some sites that are basically commercials for pills or similar products.

No commercials here, the only thing we advertise is a way out of this mess: rebooting. We are glad you are here.

The things you have described may very well be related to your history of porn use. Feeling weak, empty, and lacking motivation is something I can relate to, and of course the ED. These all went away with my reboot and I hope the same for you. Get active and healthy and leave porn behind. You can do it.
 

bzarfas

Member
Tom_itsa said:
lp me stop for a much longer time.

Once more, hello to all the members and I will definitely type more tomorrow after a good night sleep :)

Hey Tom,
thanks for the well written tale of your past. I can easily relate It seems you have read my own thoughts, except you were able to write them down.
Stick to the reboot  and post as much as you need to or want to.. ...

I'm going to bug you though, since my tale seems so much like you, I'll post in your log if you go too long without posting, just to see how you are doing

Work hard man
 

Tom_itsa

Member
Gabe Deem & bzarfas,

thanks for your replies, guys :) Today was fine, but I expect 3rd or 4th day to be the hardest to endure anyways. I've really made up my mind on this because I'm sick of the embarrassment of not being able to perform sexually and feeling weak and empty. I'm going to browse the site today and tomorrow to find out what would be the most "accurate" way to handle changing my addiction and what daily routine would benefit my body the most.

Also, another problem is the girl I'm casually seeing. I think she is also a porn addict but being younger than me (she's 22) and well, not having a penis that gets tired (as funny as it sounds) I think she doesn't experience as many problems as I do. At least, these problems do not occur in our love making and are not as visible as mine are. We met online and part of our "getting to know each other" was through porn and through weird sex stuff that we both wanted to do. I'm gonna have to find the best way to handle that situation too.

Bzarfas, thanks for your support. I won't mind your "bugging" at all. :) It's good to know there are people out there who are interested in helping their fellow man. My idea, in short is: physical exercise, lack of porn, trying to stop thinking about women in that context (imagining them doing the things I've only seen online) and healthy food. If there's something I'm missing, please, I'd appreciate a sound advice.

Of course, I'll be posting my experiences here too.

 
 

Goldy Brar

Member
Hi Gabe,please tell during your reboot when was the first time you were able to have sex?and how frequent were you?
 

Tom_itsa

Member
@Goldy Bra, I'm interested in that too.

Btw, second day was fine, much work to do, keeping myself busy, almost exhausted today. One game of NBA 2K14 before bed, and definitely shutting down my browser after I type this reply ;)
 

Tom_itsa

Member
Caved in today.... not porn, but just regular cam site...not even nudity...kinda pathetic when you look at it...i'll have to put some electroshocks on my mouse and keyboard heh
 

bzarfas

Member
Hope the day is treating you well, Tom.
I love thursdays, which I mean today is a good day cause I look forward to tomorrow.
I look forward to Thursdays because all day Thursday I know tomorrow is FRIDAY

I do not like tuesday, but today is as far from tuesday as it'll be all week!
 

Tom_itsa

Member
:D I know what you mean. You know my favorite time of the week is friday when you come home from work. It's not weekend yet but you're free as a bird  :)

It's been a good day. Productive. How's your new job?

 

bzarfas

Member
Tom_itsa said:
:D I know what you mean. You know my favorite time of the week is friday when you come home from work. It's not weekend yet but you're free as a bird  :)

It's been a good day. Productive. How's your new job?
Job sucks, I had it 8 years ago at a location  45 mins frm me, the same job is now 25 mins from me(fedex opened  a new hub)
its at night, so, my day is whacked out, I sleep odd times.
Im not eating much,l but that means no sex drive,  because I'm blah a lot and I am mad at myself for past choices, but what the fuck
can I do now,....I can do this and see where it leads.

Im on day 7 of my Ketogenic diet
and the diet is rather simple, BUT I am working graveyard shift  at a warehouse 25-30 hours a week loading trucks.
LOL
Let's see, I have a cataract in one eye,(cant read crap) the other eye has a secondary cataract,(from my cataract surgery last year) so I can't easily read words(I am having the secondary cataract taken care of  June 20th)
i have dysarthria and a spastic gait. and I'm fat....

I get to spend 27hrs a week loading semis full of boxes and I eat <1000 calories a day,  primarily veggies<POM juice<eggwhites<garlic)coke zero/powerade Zero(Brawndo: It's got the electrolytes)<water

I am on the diet from the depression of cataracts/hence the diet. and last time I was this fat, I had a total T of 348-430.
So I am just blaming myself...

I'm just doing my best to not think and just stay on the path I'm on, it should lead to good things that will make me happy.

but, it could be a lot worse, I try to keep that that going....and this diet is working, I can tie my shoes without much issue now(*sigh* shit shit shit)
 

Tom_itsa

Member
I'm sorry to hear all that. What's the cause of all those medical issues? Is it genetic or is it something else?

Good thing is that that kind of work combined with diet must produce results (losing weight) faster. Hang in there, man!

.....................
On the subject of rebooting, I've talked about it with the girl I'm seeing an she was very supportive of it. As I've written before, she is kind of a porn addict too, so she can relate to my problems. It's not quite clear to her how it can cause ED but that's normal. If I didn't have this problem I'd be very doubtful too. I'm also planning to make some tests when my work calms down, mostly the ones you mentioned combined maybe with sugar level tests and some others.

I'm kinda ashamed to have caved in after 3 days, but I'm comforting myself that the every beginning is the hardest.
 

bzarfas

Member
Tom_itsa said:
I'm sorry to hear all that. What's the cause of all those medical issues? Is it genetic or is it something else?

Good thing is that that kind of work combined with diet must produce results (losing weight) faster. Hang in there, man!

.....................
On the subject of rebooting, I've talked about it with the girl I'm seeing an she was very supportive of it. As I've written before, she is kind of a porn addict too, so she can relate to my problems. It's not quite clear to her how it can cause ED but that's normal. If I didn't have this problem I'd be very doubtful too. I'm also planning to make some tests when my work calms down, mostly the ones you mentioned combined maybe with sugar level tests and some others.

I'm kinda ashamed to have caved in after 3 days, but I'm comforting myself that the every beginning is the hardest.

I dated a girl 5 years ago who was also a porn addict, which was fine and all, but I ended up not calling her anymore when I learned(she freely told me) that she smoked cigs, pot and meth/crack.
Not my style at all.
See, my  health issue started back when I was in medical school and I was a passenger in a SUV which rolled off the road, leaving me in a coma for about 2 months.(2000)
2 months after waking up,  8 in out patient rehab left me with double vision, dysarthria, and a spastic gait.
The  double vision, which was fixed with 2 surgeries to allow me to wear prism glasses to be good enough to read. The dystarthria, which is ok if I don't talk very fast(which is 50-80% my normal rate AND I need to breath more to have air support to speak)  My spastic gait is from my left leg that doesnt work very well and a right arm(my dominant hand) which is now not as strong as my left arm.  The reason for the cross in body parts is my brain stem underook most of the damage.
So I told my medicals school in 2010, I wanted back in and they told me I'd been gone to long(after some other crap)  So Ive been depressed, then got cataracts(due to my hyperbaric chamber, most likley) and I had one eye fixed, which means no more double vision, but that surgery left me with a secondary cataract, which is very common and easy to fix, (june 20th I"ll fix it)

Now the driver of the SUV that rolled, physically he's fine, but he has minor frontal lobe damage and still lives with his parents.  I went back to school with my friends after 8 months of rehab, and after they all graduated(MDs) I lived on my own and stilll do.
I've volunteered at the VA hospital, joined Toastmasters speaking group and have had several jobs to get me better(physical gains) but I don't have any friends to hang out with. I occasionally see my sister, whom went to my medical school, for 2 yrs, but left and is now a mom of 2 kids and is a lawyer in a private firm and is married.
Since the coma, I've learned a lot about the body/health and ranged from 8% bodyfat to  35%)  I mostly just want someone to talk to, which my parents think they can handle from 300miles away, but no.
Very often do I wish I wasnt in a coma and had just died, but I tell myself I'm just in a bad spot and I won't do anything to myself, until I get back to 10-12% bodyfat and I get on HRT to boost my testosterone to average of 800ng. (cause at 10% bodyfat, a lack of leptin(which mostly comes from fat cells) will  make my body shut down since it thinks it's going to starve, I know more but that's the gist)
I've helped my parents so much with the knowledge I've gained about their health(both grandpas died from heart disease). One of my profs from medical school told me I am going to be a better person now, than I would have been before.
He's likely right, but when I see my friends on facebook, from med school, living their great lives, with a family, in a nice home, with their friends, I just feel blah.
This is why I got fat, I FAP with porn, then use food(not meth/etc) to get high and feel better and go to sleep. (viscous cycle)
So I'm changing all this now,
 
M

Markos_Thraun

Guest
bzarfas I am sorry to hear you have suffered so much. I'm in the physical therapy field and working with neuro patients is tough emotionally, though all of the ones I have worked with a very motivated and push themsleves harde than most other people, hell, harder I have ever pushed myself.
It's always easier to get through the faping, and even food, if you have something to focus on, an interest; artistic, intellectual, even fitness or gaming.
Keep in mind it may be a gradual process, going from daily to weekly to monthly, slowly fighting uphill with periods where it gets worse. But I find if you keep trying, it gradually gets easier.
 

bzarfas

Member
Markos_Thraun said:
bzarfas I am sorry to hear you have suffered so much. I'm in the physical therapy field and working with neuro patients is tough emotionally, though all of the ones I have worked with a very motivated and push themsleves harde than most other people, hell, harder I have ever pushed myself.
It's always easier to get through the faping, and even food, if you have something to focus on, an interest; artistic, intellectual, even fitness or gaming.
Keep in mind it may be a gradual process, going from daily to weekly to monthly, slowly fighting uphill with periods where it gets worse. But I find if you keep trying, it gradually gets easier.
I am keep in touch with my medical school physiology prof.  and he recommended me to read  Why zerbras don't get ulcers
http://g2gfitness-mma-ccoach-sthqld.com/resources/Sapolsky%20why%20Zebras%20don%27t%20get%20ulcers.pdf


very interesting book about how stress in our enviroment changes us
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ePYet3Fbts&feature=kp
my environment has changed dramatically from being the best of the best(medical school at 18) to being handicapped having a  brain injury.

 
Top