L
Leon
Guest
I hit my sixth and final 15 Day Goal, which now equals 90 days since my last lapse.
Though I stated earlier that this was not a reboot as such, but rather a probationary period since my last lapse- I tricked you, brain, straight up tricked you!!!
Not really, of course- we're smarter than that. However, this serves as an example that we need to use 'mental trickery' on ourselves until that we actually find ourselves overcoming. Fake it till you make it is a well known motto in the recovery community.
I Hit my 90 Day Goal!!!
This serves as my official reboot, as stated previously. While I'm very aware of the dangers and pitfalls that still lurk around, I am happy and whole without the need for pornography or masturbation in my life- especially as they're faulty coping methods.
I have no desire to get on line, and look up stuff in order to get off, or have a quick dopamine hit. I'm well aware when I start, for whatever reason, to go down that path- edging up to porn through it's substitutes, etc...
If I catch myself in a mood, I attempt to ascertain what is happening, or just non-judgmentally observe. I breathe through most of these things. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and prayer are my coping methods. I am still training my mind to think of porn, masturbation and women differently than I have in the past, and that's sometimes on going in terms of perception- but this is rapidly changing.
I so much prefer real-world sexuality to the made up fantasies as occur in porn and masturbation. This 'real-world' insists on emotional intimacy, and that best occurs within a committed relationship, as in the marriage covenant. That provides the best context for real love, intimacy and sexual experience. All else outside of that is only selfish and unreal, and hence, unsatisfactory.
Quitting these behaviors of porn and sex addiction has been, and sometimes continues to be the most toughest thing I've ever had to deal with. Keep in mind, this has been for me a 20-plus year addition, since the summer of 1993, though the makings of this were certainly forming long before that.
* I've found that to beat this addiction requires a dead-dog seriousness with ourselves, a diligence, a tenacity to never give up, and a receiving of the radical grace of God that, no matter what, you're forgiven and reconciled to Him.
* I've found that to beat this addiction, one must learn how to face and deal with urges. One cannot avoid this, white-knuckling, and creating a monster that looms larger than life. Screw that, men! Life is too short. What? Do we want to continue this addiction another 20 years? When, if ever, are we going to change? It certainly doesn't happen 'magically', we have to change ourselves, in His grace.
* I've found that to beat this addiction, we have to understand and appreciate the science of it. We've created sensitized neural pathways that require you to do the same old thing, require you to respond exactly as you've been responding in order to continue and grow stronger in it's selfish quest to consume and destroy your life. The ONLY way that we're going to beat this addiction and change ourselves is if we do something different in response to the triggers and urges that come upon us, whether these are exterior to us, or emotional and interior to us. Trigger/Urge ----> Response -----> Habit. It's that simple. If we change our response, we'll change our habit.
Remember: a definition of insanity is in doing the same old things, while expecting a different result.
To the men (and women) here: if I can change in this area, anyone can. My story, with it's very dark corners, serve as an example that no matter how bad, how ingrained is this addiction, it can and must be changed.
I am currently writing something I call the Sati Method, and will post a link in my journal when it's complete, which will represent the various techniques used by me to overcome this 20-plus year addiction.
Thank you all for reading my journal if you did, for supporting me, and praying for me.
And thank you Reboot Nation, and for the men who're behind it's creation.
Though I stated earlier that this was not a reboot as such, but rather a probationary period since my last lapse- I tricked you, brain, straight up tricked you!!!
Not really, of course- we're smarter than that. However, this serves as an example that we need to use 'mental trickery' on ourselves until that we actually find ourselves overcoming. Fake it till you make it is a well known motto in the recovery community.
I Hit my 90 Day Goal!!!
This serves as my official reboot, as stated previously. While I'm very aware of the dangers and pitfalls that still lurk around, I am happy and whole without the need for pornography or masturbation in my life- especially as they're faulty coping methods.
I have no desire to get on line, and look up stuff in order to get off, or have a quick dopamine hit. I'm well aware when I start, for whatever reason, to go down that path- edging up to porn through it's substitutes, etc...
If I catch myself in a mood, I attempt to ascertain what is happening, or just non-judgmentally observe. I breathe through most of these things. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and prayer are my coping methods. I am still training my mind to think of porn, masturbation and women differently than I have in the past, and that's sometimes on going in terms of perception- but this is rapidly changing.
I so much prefer real-world sexuality to the made up fantasies as occur in porn and masturbation. This 'real-world' insists on emotional intimacy, and that best occurs within a committed relationship, as in the marriage covenant. That provides the best context for real love, intimacy and sexual experience. All else outside of that is only selfish and unreal, and hence, unsatisfactory.
Quitting these behaviors of porn and sex addiction has been, and sometimes continues to be the most toughest thing I've ever had to deal with. Keep in mind, this has been for me a 20-plus year addition, since the summer of 1993, though the makings of this were certainly forming long before that.
* I've found that to beat this addiction requires a dead-dog seriousness with ourselves, a diligence, a tenacity to never give up, and a receiving of the radical grace of God that, no matter what, you're forgiven and reconciled to Him.
* I've found that to beat this addiction, one must learn how to face and deal with urges. One cannot avoid this, white-knuckling, and creating a monster that looms larger than life. Screw that, men! Life is too short. What? Do we want to continue this addiction another 20 years? When, if ever, are we going to change? It certainly doesn't happen 'magically', we have to change ourselves, in His grace.
* I've found that to beat this addiction, we have to understand and appreciate the science of it. We've created sensitized neural pathways that require you to do the same old thing, require you to respond exactly as you've been responding in order to continue and grow stronger in it's selfish quest to consume and destroy your life. The ONLY way that we're going to beat this addiction and change ourselves is if we do something different in response to the triggers and urges that come upon us, whether these are exterior to us, or emotional and interior to us. Trigger/Urge ----> Response -----> Habit. It's that simple. If we change our response, we'll change our habit.
Remember: a definition of insanity is in doing the same old things, while expecting a different result.
To the men (and women) here: if I can change in this area, anyone can. My story, with it's very dark corners, serve as an example that no matter how bad, how ingrained is this addiction, it can and must be changed.
I am currently writing something I call the Sati Method, and will post a link in my journal when it's complete, which will represent the various techniques used by me to overcome this 20-plus year addiction.
Thank you all for reading my journal if you did, for supporting me, and praying for me.
And thank you Reboot Nation, and for the men who're behind it's creation.