L
littlewing
Guest
I'm not really sure where to begin except to say that this is most definitely not the first time I have tried this. I must have heard about NoFap on Reddit about three years ago and have been trying on and off ever since to reach the elusive 90 days (and beyond). To date the longest I've gone is around 45 days but there was a lot of bending the rules along the way.
I feel like a fuck up but I keep reminding myself that I haven't failed until I give up. Most of the time that doesn't help but I keep trying.
A bit about me...
I am 32 years old, married with one son and another on the way. We're happy and I've fortunately never suffered from ED with my wife (before her it's a different story though, maybe I'll save that for another day) but we probably don't have sex as often as either of us would like and that's not all down to my PMO but some of it is. I work a shitty job but it pays the bills and it gives me time to pursue other interests like writing.
I want to stop PMO and obsessive internet use in general. It is taking up too much time in my life (because I can't just have a ten minute session, it always turns into an hour or more) and leaving me with little enthusiasm for anything else. I feel shitty afterwards and sometimes even during. I have social anxiety which I suspect is in no small way related to PMO, when I have been off it before it all but dissapears.
Confession is good for the soul and here's one from yesterday when I was at work: I used Tor to bypass the company filters and spent about two hours reading sex stories. Then I went home and watched porn while my wife was out swimming. I rushed putting my son to bed so that I could get back to the computer and didn't do any of the productive things that I'd done in the evening. Not good.
So what do I want?
I want to be free of PMO, not for a week, not for a month, not for a year, forever. I want to stop wasting time on the internet. I want to spend more time doing the things that are important to me and being with my family. I want to be in better shape and more comfortable around other people.
How am I going to do it?
I am completely changing my routines. It clearly isn't enough to just say "I'm not going to look at porn" there needs to be some radical change to prevent me from doing so. I am not going to leave the old routines in place because fighting against an established habit is killing me. I figure it will be much easier to build completely new habits. I am going to start exercising again, just pushups and situps and stuff to begin with and I will start cycling to work again too. I am going to check in here every day to post on this journal and it is going to be the story of my success.
It's time for things to change and no one is going to change them for me. I might be my own worst enemy but I have it within me to be my own best friend as well.
I feel like a fuck up but I keep reminding myself that I haven't failed until I give up. Most of the time that doesn't help but I keep trying.
A bit about me...
I am 32 years old, married with one son and another on the way. We're happy and I've fortunately never suffered from ED with my wife (before her it's a different story though, maybe I'll save that for another day) but we probably don't have sex as often as either of us would like and that's not all down to my PMO but some of it is. I work a shitty job but it pays the bills and it gives me time to pursue other interests like writing.
I want to stop PMO and obsessive internet use in general. It is taking up too much time in my life (because I can't just have a ten minute session, it always turns into an hour or more) and leaving me with little enthusiasm for anything else. I feel shitty afterwards and sometimes even during. I have social anxiety which I suspect is in no small way related to PMO, when I have been off it before it all but dissapears.
Confession is good for the soul and here's one from yesterday when I was at work: I used Tor to bypass the company filters and spent about two hours reading sex stories. Then I went home and watched porn while my wife was out swimming. I rushed putting my son to bed so that I could get back to the computer and didn't do any of the productive things that I'd done in the evening. Not good.
So what do I want?
I want to be free of PMO, not for a week, not for a month, not for a year, forever. I want to stop wasting time on the internet. I want to spend more time doing the things that are important to me and being with my family. I want to be in better shape and more comfortable around other people.
How am I going to do it?
I am completely changing my routines. It clearly isn't enough to just say "I'm not going to look at porn" there needs to be some radical change to prevent me from doing so. I am not going to leave the old routines in place because fighting against an established habit is killing me. I figure it will be much easier to build completely new habits. I am going to start exercising again, just pushups and situps and stuff to begin with and I will start cycling to work again too. I am going to check in here every day to post on this journal and it is going to be the story of my success.
It's time for things to change and no one is going to change them for me. I might be my own worst enemy but I have it within me to be my own best friend as well.