Is it wrong to fantasize about a work colleage and MO if you are married?

[PhoenixRevival]

Have this work colleage, which talk to very rarely.
Really attractive sexy type which wears sexy clothes everyday.
It wrong to MO thinking of her?

 

[Tom_itsa]

I don't think it's wrong. But I think that if a person has difficulties controlling the urge to masturbate then one should be careful about how often these thoughts come to mind. I've read an article (I don't know if it's true, lots of shitty articles in the newspapers lately) that up to 60% of people fantasize about other people while having sex with their partners. We all need a spark here or there to keep things interesting just keep it moderate.

Btw, just my opinion: much healthier to M using ones imagination then using P.

And yes, I'm very liberal when it comes to sex. I've just found out that porn and porn abuse is really fucked up

 

[PhoenixRevival]

Yes Tom_itsa, it is fucked up
Somehow in my mind, I tend to believe that fantasizing over a stranger (example a Porn actress) is healthier than fantasizing over someone you know. The prob is that this might lead back to porn watching.
I think that fantasizing over real people makes you want it to happen in real life, if it happens in reality it could be wrong (betrayal) or if it happens your feelings from it will never match your expectations thus leaving you disappointed.
Am confused about that actually.
I just feel guilty after I do it but damn I get turned on when I think of her.

 

[arthur]

I try to avoid fantasies about everybody but the person I'm actually having sex with. Not because I think it's (morally) wrong, but because I think there's a possibility that such thoughts might lead me back to P. There are two possible mechanisms I see here:

Fantasies about colleague are inspired by P I watched in the past --> reminds me of P --> cravings

Fantasies about colleague cause guilt  --> P is my proven way of dealing with feelings I want to push away --> cravings

 

[jkkk]

Have this work colleage, which talk to very rarely.
Really attractive sexy type which wears sexy clothes everyday.
It wrong to MO thinking of her?

Hey Phoenix. I did that many times in the past. It's not good. It will not help. But I understand your craving and your pain and I feel the same. My journal is much about this problem.

Objectifying women is real real real big problem in the PMO reboot - treat with due care and diligence. There's a great topic on this in "above 40" journals sections -> read it

Keeping fingers crossed for you and myself.