Change is mandatory, suffering is optional

unabombis

New Member
Hello


We probably have little in common with each other, and wouldn't be here if it wasn't for this seemingly harmful thing, "that all guys do".

But I heard that sharing was caring, so here it goes. Maybe it will help you, surely it will help me. Writing things down tends to give them more... substance?

Introduction & General infos

I'm a 20 years old male, student.

I don't like self-pity, so I'll make it brief. I first came in contact with internet at age 12. Started to have sexual encounter with the opposite sex at 15. First noticed ED problems at age 18.

Back then in highschool, being madly in love with the most beautiful girl I knew, and having constant, regular sex, porn was held at bay. Seemed dull and unexciting compared to the real thing.

Fast forward two years later and first break up. Feeling depressed, end of highschool, losing contact with childhood friends... I went from being a really outgoing and athletic person, with really good grades, to an introverted guy at age 20.

Stayed home on week ends, smoking weed, playing video games, and "consuming" porn.

Grades took a deep, deep dive.

Had a girlfriend or another for most of the past 5 years. But when I started doing porn on a daily basis, after the first heartbreak, I was less and less enthousiastic at the thought of sex. I didn't get random erections at the thought of sex. Actually I didn't think of sex much anymore.

A feeling of being numb. But not numb to porn. Pornography would make my body react much more intensely, compared to real sleepovers with girlfriend.

I was a total dick about it and convinced myself that it was because the girl simply didn't met my standards.

Then I had this first humiliating experience with ED.

It was at a party, with a beautiful blonde, with devilish curves. Way hotter than any girl I've had the chance to make further carnal acquaintance with. And I'm only an average guy. Not ugly, not beautiful either. Her boyfriend couldn't make it tonight somehow. One thing leading to another, I ended up following her to the bed, eager to do my duty, like any 18 years old teen should.

You guessed the next part. Yup, couldnt get it up. Not even a shameful semi to save the honor. Dick went AWOL. For the hottest one-night-stand I had the luck to pull off.

That was the eye-opening night. No, the girls were perfectly attracting. The problem was me.

So here I am, two years after this act of high treason from my organs, I took a decision. No more porn. No dieting, no images, no gifs. Going cold turkey.

My goal is to channel my desire and urges back to the real world. I want to stop cheating on my partner with pixels. My virtual porn life has been poisoning reality for too long.


I am in a warrior mindset. My bushido being slaying PMO and it's devilish apostles from the darkest corners of the interwebs. I'll never be a sad bastard binging on sinister fetishes, ever again.

As I write this I've been without porn for one +30 days, without masturbation, but had sex on two occasions. It may be too early, but my sex drive seems to have improved, just by going dry on PM, and erections are strong during sex. Could be placebo, but it makes no difference to me.


So the journey goes on. A relapse could happen at any moment, but I try to keep my mind occupied. Urges come frequently, several times a day. But still going strong, I managed to tough them out.



I wish you all godspeed, strangers on the same path.                                  (and forgive my english blah blah)







 
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