Wolverine reborn

[Wolverine]

Hi All

My story is no different than hundreds on this forum, so I will make it as short as I can.
I'm 35 married trying to quit PMO since 4-5 years now, at the begging mostly on my own way - using will power and faith, as most of you know not so effective strategies if not supported by other important pillars. For me the breakthrough was (2 y. ago) when I asked my wife for help and I honestly told her about my addiction to P. Another milestone was individual therapy, started a year ago. My current status is a cycle with 2-3 PMO free weeks, usually followed by 2-3 relapse days. The longest period I managed to stay PMO free was last year and it was 7 weeks.

Now I am trying to brake this cycle and eliminate PMO for as long as I can. At this point I know that to achieve it I need to fulfill the space that PMO had in my life with other healthy and interesting activities. My major goal now is to build healthy daily routine incorporated into my daily life, which will help me to stay away from PMO. For me single strategies like therapy, forum etc. are not enough to achieve my goal. That is why I will do whatever is necessary in all other parts of my life that needs to be improved. Basic pillars of my strategy are as below:

RULES
NoPMO

TOOLS
Mindfulness / awareness
Sports
Journaling

TRIGGERS
Boredom
Loneliness
Stress
Anxiety
Alcohol

IMMEDIATE actions to avoid
Call someone, wife, friend
Go outside if possible
Do some breathing exercises

GOAL
SHORT TERM
I want to feel happy, be focused on here and now, think positive, have my mind sharp, fell the strength in my whole body.
LONGTERM
To be the person that I usually am, but to be that person all the time... I would like to be honest with myself like I was as a young boy. I want to be present and focused while I'm with my family, I want them to feel that they can always count on me. I want to give them love so they can feel they are fully loved and important for me. I want to be healthy. I want to reinforce my connections with friends, they are also important for me. I want to be financially safe and independent. That is what I'll work for for the rest of my life.

 

[heisenberg]

Welcome to RN, Logan (aka Wolverine)!  Looking forward to reading your story.  Not sure what has happened to YBR as i was a frequent visitor to the site but never created an account.

Keep fighting brother!

Heisenberg

 

[Wolverine]

YBR is down since few days

 

[A.J.]

Welcome Wolverine. I too recently switched over from yourbrainrebalanced. I have to say Reboot Nation looks to be an awesome community.
As far as your binge goes....stop! Do not let yourself be alone. The first couple of days are always the toughest. Go outside, run, go to the park, go to the mall, go drink coffee and read a book, anything, even cook!
Best of luck to you! I look forward to reading your Journal toward your successful recovery.

 

[phoenix0015]

Welcome guys.

yes rebootnation is an awesome community with a common goal. it's a great help and support on this tough path of recovery.

Best of luck to all...  :

 

[Wolverine]

I relapsed, nothing else to say now... Tomorrow is the new day...

 

[heisenberg]

Hey wolverine,  i know its tough and ive been there...just refocus and find motivation anyway you can to beat this...check out phoenix post in my journal which helped me through it.  Basically, told me that we are better than this addiction, you made it over 30 days before and your next reboot you will make it even further.  When you are ready, let us know what is going on as we all here for support.

Stay strong brother!

Heisenberg

 

[Wolverine]

Thank you guys, for your support It means a lot to me.

Heisenberg I have read the post on your journal (good job Phoenix), and it helped me as well. I need to stand up again and get back to my proper mindset. Biggest mistake that I make is skipping my daily routines after few clean days. So usually after 2 weeks I do not meditate, I eat junk food and I do not pay attention to my emotions. I think I am getting bored after some time and I (my sick brain)"need" this shot of dopamine with all it's consequences...but I DO NOT WANT IT AND I WANT TO BRAK THIS CYCLE FOR GOOD!

 

[heisenberg]

I had the same problem too. After i broke my routine the urges were strongest.  I had caught a head cold around day 70 of my reboot and i wasn't able to exercise and take my cold showers and it really effected my will power.  I'm now getting back to my routine and it is helping tremendously (although this is only my 2nd day).

 

[Lost Druid]

Stick with it bro. You got this. Something that has helped me very very much was I sat down with the woman I love and figures out what I was neglecting become of my addiction. I have a list now of things I NEED to do that I go off of when I hit one of my triggers. Another is a good support group. RN is an awesome place but when tempted nothing takes the place of a friends voice; you don't even have to talk about PMO. One last piece of advice, turn it up to 11 in the bedroom, try new things, open up completely. My Raven was always great in bed; but now that we have opened up to new things it is ALMOST more than I can handle. I'm sure some of that is due to the fact that I'm clear headed now, not clouded by my addiction but the honesty helps. Good luck brother we are here if you need us. I check my messages daily so drop me a line if you need to talk.

 

[Wolverine]

Lost Druid

Thx for your advice I've also experienced huge improvement in bedroom when I had a clean record, usually after 10 days or so. I am at individual therapy and I have tried SLAA meetings but I have bad experience with it, I felt like I don't belong to this group and I was not identifying myself with it. Maybe this is another tricky story produced by my addicted mind but it does not change the fact that I felt bad there while I should feel support.

Heisenberg

What is the deal with cold showers? How does it help?

 

[heisenberg]

it helps you deal with urges\stress by doing something uncomfortable 1-2x a day.  it also has many health benefits.  one thing i noticed it was a lot better for my skin as i get eczema frequently and warm/hot showers tend to dry out my skin.

whenever you get an urge, try taking a cold shower.

see this link below:
http://www.thehackedmind.com/7-reasons-to-take-cold-showers-and-1-that-really-matters/

make sure to watch the ted talk video mentioned in the link.

 

[phoenix0015]

Hi wolverine.

I am glad that I could be of some help. We are all sailing in the same boat my friend. But we all deserve a better life.
what will make us worth for it ? - All the efforts and pain we are going through to get rid of this addiction.

So stick around till you succeed and keep sharing. I strongly believe that we need to focus on becoming a better person rather than just abstinence from PMO. Only abstinence is NOT recovery.

And yes having a daily routine with positive activities is the best way to go about it.

Meditation is a proven way for any brain related problems and is a great help. I have also lost my way and been inconsistent with my routine. Reading your post is making me think about it more seriously.

Best of my friend and you got this. Trust me you got this.

 

[Lost Druid]

Let me tell ya brother, if your here and serious about getting past this point in your life you DO belong here. I have never had issues with other addictions, but have known many people who have. Without help and support most of them would not be here today; and just as many who didn't seek help are not. One of the biggest snarky remarks I have herd about my addiction is "it ain't gonna kill you"... Apparently those people have never felt the depression that helplessness brings. I am putting my life back together one day at a time, the woman I lost is giving her and I another shot, starting from 1, I'm rebuilding friendships, and making new ones. Life is better clean and sober. Like I said before if you need support drop me a line I'll be happy to talk to you one on one. Stay strong and keep the faith.

 

[SouthwestGuy]

Hey there, welcome!  Don't worry, your taking proactive steps.  I didn't see anyone else mention it, so I'll bring it up.  Something that helps me is to read.  You may be able to simply read a book... I found sites like this one and others where people would talk about their stories, their hardships and their progress.  I found it helped redirect my mind to other things.  Just something else to try.  But having a friend to talk to during the difficult times can also be very beneficial.  Anything to redirect your urges until your brain has a chance to re-wire itself.

It's hard in the beginning, because your trying to change what your brain is telling you to do.  Just keep at it, and if what your doing isn't working then try something else.  Just don't give up, find what works for you and stick to it. 

Even though we are all on the same journey, everyone's journey will be different. 

 

[Wolverine]

THX guys for your support!

I had a great weekend with my family so it was easy to keep my mindset. I think I'm hitting Flatline which is good it gives me some brake from obsessive thoughts related to P.

Since 3 days I do cold showers and it is absolutely fantastic, It is unpleasant at the beginning but very energizing for a day (I do that in the morning). I hope I will be able to make it my habit txh Heisenberg for the advice

Now I have to be focused and motivated, I also need to prepare for the next hit of the urges, I expect that within 10 days.

 

[heisenberg]

Glad the cold showers are helping. just another tool to add to the arsenal to fight this. 

 

[Wolverine]

This week at work is going to be hard, actually I expect next 3 months to be extremely hard. I need to consider that as another threat for my reboot. Need to do more mindfulness  practice to give my mind some rest. I also need a good plan for up coming weekend, I will be home alone which is not good right now.

I have a problem to describe my emotional state now, I fell lime I do not feel anything - this is not good I know that from experience...

 

[phoenix0015]

Dear Wolverine,

First of all thanks for your support and advise in my journal. They are of great help.
I like your overall  concrete and focused plan. Yes stress can be one of biggest triggers (I am telling from experience).
So you to be extra cautious. As you only mentioned in your strategy,  if you are going to be alone then make sure you are in some public places. For me watching kids play always work or being close to nature is another option.  Playing with kids is the best.

Plan accordingly and have strategy for each possible vulnerable situation so that when you are weak your mind does not have to think too much for a replacement behaviour.

Best of luck my friend. And stay strong. 

 

[heisenberg]

Hey Wolverine,
Thank you for your support and advise. September is a new month and i am determined to get back on track and leave August in my rear view mirror.  As what phoenix advised, try to go to some public places if you can like the park, mall,etc.  I am currently on a 4day weekend, and it led to my relapse because i've been inside most of the time.  Learn from my mistake and don't let that happen to you.

Stay strong friend!

Heisenberg