Wolverine reborn

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Wolverine

Guest
Today I had very unpleasant situation with one of my workmate's, that cost me a lot of unnecessary stress. I felt that I should and I could avoid that but I didn't. It is like looking for the arguments to relapse, whenever I feel tension I do stupid things to produce even more of it, like eating junk food, watching stupid movies or things like that.
I need to react faster, and use my tools to release the tension.

I still have this blurry mind, that is strange usually it was after a binge and it was getting better following clean days. Now I feel like I can't express myself....strange.
 
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Wolverine

Guest
Usually after few clean days I am starting to feel much confident, calm and relaxed, generally more happy. I feel that this positive flow is coming, I will try to feel it and appreciate it as much as I can.
On the other hand there are cravings, now very weak but present. It is strange because when I'm start to feel better, cravings should be weaker, at least from logical point of view, but addicted thinking is not logical.

 
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Wolverine

Guest
I relapsed...

I do not want to go into a binge but I now it will be hard, I have never managed to avoid that. I need to stand up again and clear my mind.
 
heisenberg

heisenberg

Active Member
Hey brother,
You know i was at the same place you are right now a couple of days ago.  Relapses are difficult to avoid and almost always part of the process.  The most important thing to remember is to not let it bring you down and to get back on your feet when you are ready.  This weekend will be especially difficult if you will be alone so try to keep busy and remember your routines. 

Stay strong!

Heisenberg
 
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Wolverine

Guest
Thanks Heisenberg

I will do whatever I can to stop myself at this point, but as you've said in your journal actions speak louder than words.

Routines are crucial I agree, I need to be more consistent with my routines!
 
phoenix0015

phoenix0015

Active Member
Hi Wolverine,

First of all, sorry to hear about your relapse. But has heisenberg has said, it's part of recovery process. I am telling you this from experience. So don't worry much about it. Just LEARN from the experience and move on.
Understand what caused it and be prepared for it the next time. Recovery for different people happen in different way so you create your own path here.
As you only have said,  getting back to routine is the topmost priority as of now.  Your frequency of relapse of quite ok so there is a good chance of you making it to your goal soon.

Remember,  only abstinence is not recovery. So keep doing new and positive things.

Best of luck my Friend. Stay strong and keep sharing.

Smiles
 
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Wolverine

Guest
I managed to avoid binge which is actually great, I think it was the first time ever I did that. Saturday and Sunday was quiet hard but I did everything to avoid being alone. Tomorrow I need to be focused on some important task I hope that two clean days was enough to avoid brain fog. Actually I feel quite well, it is because I was not binging. I need to remember that recovering after short session is much easier than after a binge.

Tomorrow is a new day, great day, I am really excited about it.
 
Lost Druid

Lost Druid

Member
Your still here bro. You didn't lie, not to us and not to yourself. Relaps happen. Don't beat yourself up over it. Tomorrow is a new day. Make the most of it.
 
phoenix0015

phoenix0015

Active Member
Hi Wolverine.

I know it's difficult to snap out of a binge. I am going through the same thing. Chaser effect is killing. But we have to do it buddy. At any cost. For nobody but ourselves. Because we deserve a better and life full of so much possibilities.  Life with so much happiness and love.
This is very small pain compared to what we are set to get.

Stay strong and stay focused. 

Best of luck
 
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Wolverine

Guest
Thanks Phoenix

I feel that I am done with it..., now I need to recover as soon as possible and on top of everything keep doing my daily routines. Yesterday I had this thought that I am fighting with myself with my nature and maybe that is not the best strategy. I should change this mindset and shift into positive aspects of reboot. I am doing so much positive and productive stuff when not using P, that is huge value and it works for entire life. On the other hand P is destructive and it is messing with my brain my mood my relations with people my work performance - this is real piece of shit fucking disease eating mu time my power my life...

Thank for your support phoenix!
 
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Wolverine

Guest
Finally my wife is back from vacation, I am not alone now and I feel that I will be much easier now to stay away from P. I feel OK but this autumn weather is bit depressing, especially at work. I need to keep myself in a good condition especially in the 3 coming months. This is very challenging period in my carrier and fighting P addiction at the same time does not help. But it is always something in life and it is never a good time to quit. I believe I can manage both my work and my addiction, and that it will reinforce my character my soul my personality. It is exciting journey to become a better man, husband, father...
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
7 days!

I am OK no cravings no flatline nothing special at all.
 
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Wolverine

Guest
Again after 10 days I am feeling depressed and anxious, sometimes it comes later but always close to second week. I know that next that I will feel will be strong P craving, I guess that is how long my mind can handle without it. I am not doing all of my routines I do morning workouts but I skip meditation. Today I will have 2 beers and I will see a movie. I hope it will bring some relief and I will feel more relaxed.

I need to be careful and keep doing my routines, I am in critical period now.
 
Lost Druid

Lost Druid

Member
Remember brother its not a race. I look at as I will ALWAYS be in recovery. There is no "cure" for addiction. I'd rather go through life believing I'm an addict then go throw life numb believing I'm not. Stay strong. You can do this.
 
P

Passing river

Member
Hi Wolverine

Good luck man. You are changing you life. Pmo is just one part of it. Be proud of the changes in your lifestyle.

I have my the bad feelings and cravings as well. We all do.

Wish you best.
 
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Wolverine

Guest
Than you guys, it is great to know that we are not alone in this battle and that it is possible to overcome our weaknesses.

Best of luck.
 
Lost Druid

Lost Druid

Member
That's one of the things the industry would have up believe... That we are alone. An isolated addict is easier to control, to keep addicted. The only problem is they can only hide the truth for so long. Sometimes it's long enough but everyone here has seen the truth. They can not force us to consume. They can not force us to be alone. The have no power over us but what we allow them to have. Since I quit my "drive" is set to 11... My poor wife even in her roll as sub can hardly keep up. I love the energy I have now. I love my life again.
 
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