Wolverine reborn

W

Wolverine

Guest
Relapse happened few days ago, it was quite stupid because I expected that cravings will raise and I thought that I was prepared for that...well obviously I was not...

But here I day 3 again.

My therapist advised me to retry (I did try before) with antidepressants (SSRI). I have decided to try it again. Theory says that my major problem is OCD not porn addiction. Actually according to my therapist I am not addicted, it is rather compulsive habbit related to my OCD...

So I am taking my medicine (lexapro) since 6 days, so far it is OK.

Best of luck
 
angrydad

angrydad

Member
Hi Wolverine,

I just read your journal and I found your last post of particular interest. Around 7 years ago I was diagnosed by a psychologist as having a mental form of OCD. I too took lexapro 20mg for around 2-3 years, which I found did little for me at the time. Occasionally I think I'd like to try an SSRI again, at a lower dose, now that I am in a more mature / mindful head space. But then I remember the difficulties I had when withdrawing from the drug and it scares me off ever going near anti-depressants again. I also had the frustrating problem of delayed ejaculation when taking lexapro and that became the primary reason I decided to cease taking the drug.

I hope it helps you resist the urge to PMO and improves your quality of life. Stay strong mate, and keep us updated.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Thanks Angrydad

Could you explain what do you mean by withdrawal from lexapro? Was it really that hard?

I also have delayed ejaculation problem but I thought it will pass...

Most important question, did it helped for OCD?
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Next two days will be very hard for me, I am tired and feel like I'm gona be sick, on top of it I will be alone for the next two days.
I need to be strong to overcome cravings which are rising, yesterday I've almost relapsed.
 
T

theonlyoption

Member
You should be proud of yourself for making the determination to go PMO free - I have full faith that you can do this.

Be sure to set up little rules of habit to keep yourself from entertaining any triggering actions / content for you. Meditate and place yourself in the frame of mind where you are often tempted to look at porn or masturbate - how does it feel when you're in that state? What automatic thought pattern do you want to generate when you're in that state to keep away from PMO? It's easy to go PMO free when you're well rested and feeling good - it's important that you set up habits / rules for yourself for when you're anxious, tired, and vulnerable.

Be strong! You can do this.
 
angrydad

angrydad

Member
Hi Wolverine,

I found it hard to get off. I had the brain zaps and found it to be a soul wrenching experience. My memory is a little vague on the whole experience now, so I can't give you much information but I remember it wasn't fun. It took a few months before I began feeling like myself again.

I think the delayed ejaculation will pass, especially with no PMO. At the time I was still doing PMO multiple times per day, so had I not been doing that, I'm sure the sex would have been a lot better.

As for the OCD, I'm not sure if it helped. I wasn't very mindful at the time. I think if I took it now, I would have a better experience. I thought it helped at the time, but it could have been placebo. I was looking for a quick fix, a pill to solve my problems. I didn't realise how deep my issues go, and what was actually required to help myself feel better.

I'd say give it some time, and see how you feel. I have read that SSRI's are meant to be one of the best options for OCD.

Also stay strong the next 2 days mate, you will feel so much better for it. I relapsed yesterday on day 9 :( and let me tell you, it's not worth it! Don't let your brain tell you it is.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Thank you guys for your support,
I will try with SSRI for at least 2-3 months to se how it works, maybe it will help me in some areas. I need to get back to my morning routines which is cardio workout and meditation. That helped a lot in the past

Today I need to be extremely focused...cravings are strong and I am home alone, that is always dangerous mix.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Last few days I've felt tired and sleepy, maybe this is autumn maybe my medicine i don't know I hope it will pass. I have really hard time at work and it will remain like that until may 2016 I have to be strong and take care for myself to survive that. On the other hand I have my limits and I have to be prepared for failures and unpleasant situations...this is life...

Anyways I don't have cravings now which is OK. I will start with exercise and meditation tomorrow and I will try to find some additional hobby for the winter time.

Thank you guys for the support.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
I really need to find something that allows to release the steam, I am in the cycle 7-10 days PMO free and than relapse...it is much better than a year ago and so much better than two years ago. But still I can't overcome cravings, it is so fucking strong that nothin, absolutely nothing can compare, exercise, meditation it is all OK but compared to porn it is fucking bullshit. I don't know if I will ever stay away from P longer than month, three months is absolutely out of my reach...

I am so fucking mad, I love girls so much that I can't resist watching them, this is the most beautiful thing to watch and admire. This is my fucking nature I love girls and I want to fuck them, I don't do that because I love my wife more than the world so my only option to release the steam is fucking porn.

I can't stand that I am so addicted to this shit.

Lost Druid you are my hero, I can't understand how you are able to stand so long with your first attempt, I admire your mindset.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Hi guys

I'm still here, day 4 nothing sensational so far, since this week I'm going to start working out in the morning, it is the best option for me because after work I can't find motivation and I feel tired.

I will also meditate as often as possible, I will try everyday.

This is the time I need to improve my physical condition, I need to lose some weight 5-7 kg.

I hope you guys are well, best of luck.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
I feel that P is not going to disappear from my life, that does not change the fact that I can limiting it more and more up to the point where I will have more control over it.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Day 2

I'm feel depressed when looking at my counter. I am trying to quit P since 3 or 4 years now and I'm weaker than most guys with their first attempt. This is so frustrating, I don't now if I still believe that I can quit. I know that I am missing something important, but I don't know what.
 
CrazyGopher

CrazyGopher

Active Member
Hi Wolverine,

It sounds like you are feeling pretty glum today :( I have also been trying to quit P for many years, so I know how frustrating it is to watch the newbies rocket past while you are still struggling.

This year things have finally turned around for me. I believe it will happen for you, too, if you keep learning and don't give up. You will find that important thing you are missing! Keep going.

Wishing you the best, man. I am here if you need somebody to talk to.

-CG
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Thank you CG for your kind words, you know how I works...I will be OK within a few day, most important is to keep myself in a good condition and avoid PMO. Sounds so easy:)
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
Day 7

Still calm and focused, no cravings. I thing I hit a flatline.
 
W

Wolverine

Guest
I am addicted to porn I can't stay away from it my brain craves it so much, I am not able to beat it myself, I can't beat it with other peoples help, the only hope I have is God. If I ever quit porn it will be blessing from Higher Power...
 
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