M
Markos_Thraun
Guest
I can say I have never known what it is like to feel normal.
For as long as I can remember i have been fascinated, obsessed with sex, I guess I could be classified as hypersexual, whether due to my ADHD, or to something traumatic I do not know. I got into porn when I was in my early teens, roughly around the time I started masturbating. By the time I was fourteen I would masturbate up to ten times a day, sometimes to the point of bleeding.
I escalated fairly quickly, fantasiszing about rape and pedophilia at my lowest points, which was around my late teens, very early twenties. I moved away from that but still watched very rough, misogynistic porn. i have only had one long term relationship, it ended after a year. Partyl due to my ED and premature ajaculation, partly because I didn't want to tell her about my problem. I never really got serious about quitting until I lost her.
I had seen a therapist who strongly pushed meetings. I've never liked meetings, especially not 12-step oriented ones. I found this forum because it was somewhere I could share with people that actually had effective results. The therapist also said I need to share with my partner what I had done, everything. That is when I realized I could never be in a relationship. I can't tell anyone about the things I have seen, that would not want to be with me and I would not blame them.
Having tried to quit long term from fapping and porn for the past 4 years, I realized I was undermining my attempts by looking at photos of coworkers and old hookups. I was still looking at a type of porn, even if I wasn't directly watching erotica.Having gone two weeks wtih almost no fantasizing, I have found things coniderably easier.
Will I make it longer than a month? I don't know. Three months with out masturbation, no porn, but lots of fantasizing has been my limit.
I do not believe will ever have a close relationship, its too far gone for that.
So why am I tryign to even quit? Because i want to know what it feels like with my brain freed from porn and fantasy. 2-4 months is what i have read is the recovery time, I don't know if I can make it that far but I will try.
For as long as I can remember i have been fascinated, obsessed with sex, I guess I could be classified as hypersexual, whether due to my ADHD, or to something traumatic I do not know. I got into porn when I was in my early teens, roughly around the time I started masturbating. By the time I was fourteen I would masturbate up to ten times a day, sometimes to the point of bleeding.
I escalated fairly quickly, fantasiszing about rape and pedophilia at my lowest points, which was around my late teens, very early twenties. I moved away from that but still watched very rough, misogynistic porn. i have only had one long term relationship, it ended after a year. Partyl due to my ED and premature ajaculation, partly because I didn't want to tell her about my problem. I never really got serious about quitting until I lost her.
I had seen a therapist who strongly pushed meetings. I've never liked meetings, especially not 12-step oriented ones. I found this forum because it was somewhere I could share with people that actually had effective results. The therapist also said I need to share with my partner what I had done, everything. That is when I realized I could never be in a relationship. I can't tell anyone about the things I have seen, that would not want to be with me and I would not blame them.
Having tried to quit long term from fapping and porn for the past 4 years, I realized I was undermining my attempts by looking at photos of coworkers and old hookups. I was still looking at a type of porn, even if I wasn't directly watching erotica.Having gone two weeks wtih almost no fantasizing, I have found things coniderably easier.
Will I make it longer than a month? I don't know. Three months with out masturbation, no porn, but lots of fantasizing has been my limit.
I do not believe will ever have a close relationship, its too far gone for that.
So why am I tryign to even quit? Because i want to know what it feels like with my brain freed from porn and fantasy. 2-4 months is what i have read is the recovery time, I don't know if I can make it that far but I will try.