Rolling to the bottom, rising to the top


New Member
Hi everyone,

I'm here to write what has bee going on with me, first for myself to remember where I was, where I got, and where I should be striving to reach.
Second for others to know that if any part of my history applies to them, there is a chance that they are addicted to porn/masturbation too.

So let me begin by telling you that before I get addicted, I was among the 1% of the population in terms of talent, but when I underwent a series of financial and environmental pressures, I got more and more of the pressure released by pornography. Just as any other addict, I became numb and happy that what a strong person I have become that I can cope with all that pressure, alas I was not coping, I was just running away from them.

That went on for 2 years more, where I achieved the acme of my business owing to what I had done before my addiction develops, and as my responsibilities grow to full-time mentally challenging problems, I figured that I am not who got there, I couldn't even believe that I was there, it all seemed to me like a mistake. I had totally forgot a sense of who I was, and what I could do. I couldn't speak with someone more than 5 minutes, let alone be a girl. My mind was always either wandering around sex or like a hot potato that couldn't concentrate, and even when it felt like concentrating, it couldn't get tenth of the job done. Why? because my memory had become impaired. At that point I had developed so many other physical problems too that when I used to got the doctor, I couldn't pinpoint the exact source of all those problems, ranging from asthma, backache, dizziness, lack of appetite, sleepiness, hair-loss, severe depression. But one thing that I remember is that I brought up the issue of porn addiction with my psychologist, where he questioned me whether I watch it more than 1 hour a day, and my answer was not a strong affirmative, so he didn't get persistent on the idea of porn addiction.

So I started solving so many problems. First and foremost was loneliness!!! Something that I was always nagging about when seeing my psychologist.

For now I will put it in a nutshell. I studied (on every each of my problems, making graphs out of them), I ate well (a lot more veggies!! and purely natural snacks), I exercised (still doing it 30 mins a day), I found that the purpose of life is happiness, I cut out internet from my house and cell-phone, I put rules and reminders in my cell-phone on how to live, alarming me 10 times a day (using the life reminders app), I studied the science of male attraction, took short trips at peaks of my desperation during recovery, crossed out watching series and movies as a hobby.

It has been ~3.5 month were I started my recovery. I relapsed on the second month. Since then I have been masturbating without porn every week or so. But I can never forget the absolutely great feeling I had before my relapse. I could kick higher than ever multiple times in a row, I could solve problems at speeds that I once used to have before I get addicted. When I was listening to someone, it was like I could hear them with 4 times more quality and my dizziness was all gone and instead of +9 hrs of sleep a day, 6 hrs had become more than enough for me. I could run literally like the roadrunner. I didn't know how to backflip, but I am sure if I knew, I would broken a record on that too.

Something really tricky about this business is that it is so much about imagination, so try your best to stick to reality and snap your mind back to reality (your past, your present, your dreams and your future) before a distraction can affect you.

Take lots of notes, and use an app like T2 Mood Tracker to track your mood to know where you are and where you are going, things that help you, and things that you should avoid.

Use an app like Brainwave Studio to calm yourself down at times of stress.

Avoid musics with explicit stuff that may trigger something in your brain.

Even if you like you can't get much work done in the first few weeks of rehab, consider it as a layoff that has a take off to heights ten times higher where you had been in terms of efficiency, sociability, memory, intelligence, physics,......

Eat well,

Exercise well,

Find healthy habits and goals.... (This is the hardest part)

Pray for me to stay on track, use the power of the balls to push my mind beyond boundaries, and tell you guys many more details and hopefully see you all on the top!!!

(Nothing is better than having a bro companion who knows about your past to help you with your future, without them my existence would have been summarized in an abased dick)


Great post. Sounds like you're doing well. You might find this article interesting in light of your experience:

Also, are you thinking of cutting out masturbation for a while again? It would be an interesting experiment. Inspiration: