reboot journal

[lastchance]

Hi

I'm 35 years old and I'm an addict. First of all, excuse me for my poor english.
Due to porn addiction, I have developed severe HOCD and a severe hypofrontality too. This is a mess because one of the compulsions of my ocd is to watch porn and check if i get excited by females and then watch gay porn to check that I'm not get excited. Few weeks ago I decided to stop doing compulsions and I felt like crap. I had at the same time the anxiety from HOCD and cravings from porn addiction. Step by step using Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz's Four Step method I'm feel better. But I think that my rewiring is taking too long. I have read that other fappstronauts could take an entire year to rewire their brains, and that fact scares me .

This is a list of symptoms that I have or had

Brain fog
Low temporary memory
Sometimes I feel like I had flu
Unable to focus
Bad mood
Mood swings
Feel like a zombie, without iniciative to perform any task
Stuck in weird behaviors
ED of course
Flatline
Sometimes I cry without reason
Shaking
Social anxiety
Headaches, very intenses in a short time. Behind my forehead.
Panic attacks
Unable to put in the others shoes
Etc etc

If anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask.

Gretings

 

[daws]

Hi,
Poor english? I don't think so
Difficult situation, but you are the right place doing the right thing. I had to look up what HDOC was.  Must be confusing, but we know the chase for a fresh buzz alters what porn people watch. Hopefully successfully rebooting will give you some clarity, shift the brain fog, bad memory etc... and enable you to take stock of how you feel about your sexuality and what is important to you in your life.

All the best

 

[lastchance]

Hi,

Well, still no MPO.  This few days are the most boring in my life. No desire for nothing, no pleasure. Only meditation helps me a little bit. I really hate this situation but, maybe in a few months I'll be totally rewired. My girlfriend helps me a LOT, thanks god.

Symptoms that I had noticed
Flatline
Mental fog
Bored to the bones.
Mood swings
Panic attacks


Greetings

PD:I have realized that one of the most powerfull triggers is... yes, my Pc. Tomorrow I'll use my laptop connected to the Tv instead of the FapPC. I'll check the differences.

 

[Alive Today]

I wish you well. Give your self a chance and stay positive. One day at a time and gather hobbies and aims and chip away at them. Don't aim for a year,month,week without sexualized actions and thoughts, just get one in a row and then two in a row sorted first and build on this. I too suffer from all you described and still do when i let my mind wonder so say it loud and say it proud "I am back off the cloud, keeping my feet on the ground"  . You are a warrior that will bot be defeated.. Love your self today .  Good luck friend

 

[lastchance]

Thank you @Alive, I'll do my best.

Well, I have the most brutal flatline in the entire word. I'll never felt like this, without any sexual desire when i see a beautifull woman, And I noticed that I have been watching womans like they were a piece of meat, and today when I look at womans i see human beings instead of pieces of meat.

I started to use Propranolol in order to decrease chilhood traumas like here: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-pill-to-forget/
... I'll tell you any news, thanks for reading

 

[lastchance]

Hi!

Well, since the las time I wrote muy feelings here I have made a few possitive changes:
I had had 3 job interviews got 1 job and change for another job with better payment and conditions. I feel INCREDIBLE self confident and sociable, I sleep all night very well and I have mental clarity enought to do by myself EVERYTHING that I propose. My morning wood has coming back and I'm more empathic than EVER. But somedays I had a bad day and I felt like crap. Thank you for reading and hold on!!!

 

[silent_warrior]

Hi last chance, hope everything is going well for you. How you feeling? I see you haven't logged in for a week now. Please write about your update. I have been through all these conditions and I can say 2 weeks into the reboot and all these symptoms were just gone. They were replaced with some feelings of joy, energetic, and more active. It's been three weeks for me now and I am feeling great and feeling very normal. I am not worry about any flatline or MW at this point because I know this is just part of the process. Also I don't have a partner in my life as of yet so all is going great with myself lately. Please keep in touch.

 

[lastchance]

Hi to all. This week I felt like crap again. Nothing remarkable, flatline, etc.

But I know that the process can take a few months. Thanks for reading