57 yo addict

05mako

New Member
Hey everybody,
Well I have been trying through Will power to give up my porn addiction and was doing well for about three weeks. Then I started looking at CL and Backpage and couldn't take it anymore and had a relapse. I read before starting that sheer will power will not work, so here I am looking for some support from others.
After relapsing I felt absolutely terrible. Depressed and feeling beaten ( no pun intended) anyway feeling like I did only made me more resolved to be successful at giving up porn.
Being as old as I am and using porn for many years has gotten me to a point in my sex life where I can no longer sustain or get an intimate erection in addition to the ed. My wife god bless her is going thru menopause and says it's her. I can not tell her about myself because she would not understand and already have had arguments about my possible porn use.
  I really want to kick this habit and get back to normal sex with my wife. If and when she will be ready after her issue.
  I have a great job, and work very hard. I do spend lots of time there but do so to avoid putting myself in a compromising situation with possibly being home alone and wanting to fap.
I am going to stop here because I feel it's just running on and could probably go on for quite awhile. I know others on here have issues like mine that's why I'm here for all your support and maybe one day I could help some other person. Thx for reading this and I look forward to hearing from you.
 

jstock

Active Member
Welcome 05
I know for me, and a lot of other people here, I told my wife right away,about  my addiction. Having the addiction is hard enough,  without trying to hide it from my wife. You will need all the support you can get. Telling her will also let her realize it's not her fault.  It's actually no one's fault. I will pretty  much guarantee if you tell her about your problem, she will be in your  corner. Don't tell her EVERYTHING. I know in my search for the ultimate dopamine hit, I've watched some pretty  unusual things. Keep up the good fight brother.and welcome to the nation
 

hoopvol

Active Member
Hi 05,

Welcome to RN!! Glad you found your way to this forum! I know from experience, that it's hard to fight this on your own. I'm a partner and my husband and me were trying to fight this for 1,5 years before we found RN. It was a life-changer. Knowing there are many others like us, helps. We felt we were the only couple having this problem. You will find a lot of support here.
If you decide to follow Jaystock's advice and tell your wife: educate yourself and her! Use all the info here on RN and on YBOP as well. Watch the video's and read journals by other rebooters and partners. (this will help you to understand, what P does to a relationship: it's not just physical). It will help you (and her?) to understand what's going on in your brain. And I have to agree with Jaystock again: if you tell her about your reboot, don't tell her in detail about the P you used to watch. I saw some of the stuff my husband watched and I really wish I didn't!
I hope to read about your progress and I wish you all the strength you need!!
 

Bango Skank

Active Member
I told my wife after a few weeks but only because she wondered what the hell was going on with me acting differently and having more interest in her. I expected that she would be all hurt and judgemental but she was cool as a cucumber. I guess because she could see the proof of the pudding already. I very much underestimated her actually. Talking about this with my Mrs has been a positive thing.
 

Mickvick

Member
Its a hard path indeed i find the reading resources here fascinating especially the faq about how sexual tastes morph and distort and how the brain is maleable and capable of recovering from porn addiction..read read read my best 3 bitsnof advice for you..and of course you can succeed..
 

Brooklyn Jerry

Active Member
  I am quite a bit older and for sure can attest to the damage PMO can cause.  I guess when I was younger my hormone levels were high enough to sustain my want for sex. With the availability to watch porn easily accessible, I could and did have a quick fap before leaving work and still be able to be with my wife.  When my wife became ill, sex was infrequent and I used this as an excuse to myself to not feel guilty using porn. After she passed away, it was a free for all for me. Later on I met a lady and had sex, no problem. But after a while I began using porn, since I was home alone most of the time. It affected me to the point of getting Viagra. Some how I came across this site and have been trying my best to quit the PMO. Doing pretty good, once went 4 months clean. I am now on day 24, and things are working well. I know that the porn was draining me physically and mentally. I actually came on here today because after being with my lady today,after she left I did have thoughts of going to one of my favorite sites. I read this is called the chaser effect. But I am determined this time not to cave in. Good luck to all who read this.
 

05mako

New Member
I appreciate all the feedback. Maybe my wife after awhile will be able to understand if I go in the direction I should and she sees things in my sexual performance changes. Not really sure but I do feel good talking about it and having all of your support.
I am going to forego telling her for the time being and am taking it day by day. I guess like others a couple of weeks without porn and onto the hard 90 days will be my goal. Thx again for the support and I look forward to hearing from more of you.
 

05mako

New Member
Hi everyone well I am back to 5 days w/o pmo. Before my relapse i was up to 3 weeks. Reading all the different stories on here has helped a lot. Great encouragement thx to you all. I too am waking with rock hard boners and maybe since I've quit the pmo that's a good sign.
I know it takes time and do feel terrible when I stray a little. I.e Craigslist and Backpage. I know in an earlier post I stated my wife was going through menopause. That's why I was on the sites. I would go on there to hook up with women and to be honest in the beginning had great sex with them. But after being with the same women I would go back to having ed.
I do know the porn is screwing me up and am determined to kick the habit. I really am determined this time to shake this monkey off my back and get on with my life. Hopefully soon my wife will get over her issue and we can enjoy having sex again. I don't want to ruin my marriage but, between the cheating, not having sex and the porno I am doomed. Thx for all your support and I will keep reading your posts.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Okay, your "wife will hopefully work through her issue?"  Menopause is something that happens biologically to all women.  It is not "an issue".  What if the shoe was on the other foot and you could not get an erection due to age related prostate problems?  Then instead of being supportive, she could just use alternate means and wait for you to get over "your issue".    This PMO thing is not just about sex.  It is about self medicating every problem someone thinks they have with an orgasm.  Please men, recognize this.  If you are using porn on a regular basis, you are ignoring your wife.  If you spend an hour a day seeking out porn, try spending an hour a day being totally there in a conversation or activity with your wife.  You can make any excuse to avoid sexual intimacy with your wife.  But the longer you make excuses, the longer you are choosing to be disconnected.  Reach out to her, love her, cuddle her. 

For women, menopause is not pleasant.  Our bodies are betraying us.  We feel young and with it and our body is telling us we are old.  Our hormones actually change.  It is not an issue.  Help her!
 

hoopvol

Active Member
Hi 05,

your wife is going through some very difficult changes now. I have to agree with Gracie: support her! It's not impossible for a woman in her menopauze to make love. It just takes a bit more effort to get in the mood. You can help her with that. Give her attention and seduce her, like you did when you first met. I know P is an easy and lazy way to get your thrills, but believe me: putting in a bit more effort is worth it. it's about feeling connected to her again and having fun together.
It's not just about the sex, it's about making love. And that's something that doesn't start after you turn off the lights at night. It sounds to me, that your brain is already giving you an excuse to turn to P (or worse). Don't let P seduce you, but seduce your wife.....
You are both going through some changes now: try to support her and after you tell about your struggle, she can support you as well.
 
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