a married man attracted to young girls.

[SickOfIt]

Hi,

I have a question about my husband. I recently noticed that everywhere we go my husband notice young girls, like teenager girls. When he watched porn he would only watch young, teenagers girls so my question is, is it normal? Or is it still part of his porn cravings?  He apparently stop watching a year ago but still I haven't noticed any change. I am not kind of person to get upset about it but recently it got worse. Like he would look glance at women and then he would go on, now is like he would stare at them like a creep.

 

[BailHope]

Hi,

The fact that you notice he's staring like a creep, to me, tells me that he really is doing just that. Are you absolutely sure he quit watching porn? Talk to him about this. It's very important.

Next, be sure to point out to him the way he's watching. Avoid the word 'creep' though, unless you really have to be blunt. Maybe call it 'scary' instead?
Even if he's not doing anything wrong and he really has given up porn, he probably doesn't want to be watching at teenage girls like a creep. Sure, there is a part of any man's brain that wants to fertilize young women, because we are told to by evolution, but we all have a prefrontal cortex as well which tells us not to act like that. So he shouldn't either, and it's not an excuse.

 

[SickOfIt]

I did talk to him but he says he doesn't stare.  Which causes us to argue because he would deny about staring and says it is in my head. The thing is  that I do notice, it used to be just glances at other women which didn't bother me at all. But now is creeping. I refuse to even go out with him anymore because I don't want to even argue about it. We were doing really good for few months but  lately he has been doing it more often. I am at this point now that I might as well pack my bags and leave so he can find a young girl for himself.

 

[Emerald Blue]

Hi Sick Of It,

I'm new here and I've yet to write up my story as a partner of a habitual porn user. I recognise some of that ogling behavior you describe. My SO never used to do it in an obvious way but by the time the problems caused by his porn were becoming more serious for us as a couple, I noticed that he was ogling women who were way too young - not underage or teens but maybe 19-23 perhaps and 30+ years younger than he is. Porn does make men objectify women, no doubt. It may well be the case that he has stopped watching porn but you need to find out. Unfortunately they become too clever at avoiding detection and become super careful about deleting any evidence, so it can drive you mad not being able to prove anything and even if you do find something they only admit to what you can prove but won't admit to the bigger problem. I get a bit fed up with this "cavemen" fantasy that men use to justify their ogling and all the rest. Sorry guys but you old dudes would be having competition from younger, stronger and fitter men and no young woman in her right mind would prefer an old guy well past his prime. You really need to get to the bottom of this one SickOfIt, because his interest seems inappropriate and quite worrying. Good luck.

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

Hi,

I have a question about my husband. I recently noticed that everywhere we go my husband notice young girls, like teenager girls. When he watched porn he would only watch young, teenagers girls so my question is, is it normal? Or is it still part of his porn cravings?  He apparently stop watching a year ago but still I haven't noticed any change. I am not kind of person to get upset about it but recently it got worse. Like he would look glance at women and then he would go on, now is like he would stare at them like a creep.

      Hi Sick of It., I am  a 65 yo man. I was married for years and I can't tell you how many times I was punhed in the arm by my late wife while driving for turning my head to look at an attractive female.
I have been attracted to women since I was a young boy way before ever knowing why. Even though the man doing may not think it is obvious, I understand how it makes his female companion feel.
I don't particularly look a younger girls,  just any women that I'm my mind is attractive.
My wife passed away five years ago and I am dating a lady about my age. One night we were at a social event at a restaurant and I cast a glaze towards a waitress at another table. My lady friend nudged me and said " see something you like" . I said what are you talking about, I was not,looking at anything. But I was busted. Since then imhave made a conscious effort to curtail this habit.
To me it has no relation to the PMO issue , I haven't found my trying to quit this nasty habit change me in that are. I have read here that some men find they notice real women more since they quit the porn.

 

[Gracie]

Actually, I have found that porn and ogling go hand in hand.  Women too have found boys and men attractive since an early age.  Love and being happy with your partner are the things that should go hand in hand.  Noticing an attractive person of either sex is not the same as ogling.  Give it the two second rule.  Admire first second, none of my business is the second after that.  And then on with your life.  I too get irritated with the caveman young fertile mindset.  Even cavemen got old and if they thought a young thing was going to take care of them instead of "being fertile" with a young guy, they must have had mush for brains.  As a very attractive woman now and an attractive woman when I was young, I never liked older men.  At all! 

My husband ogled when porn addicted.  Once we had that gone, the ogling was done.

 

[Emerald Blue]

Hehe, Gracie, ain't that the truth!! These old guys would have been eaten by the very animals they were trying to hunt!!


Even cavemen got old and if they thought a young thing was going to take care of them instead of "being fertile" with a young guy, they must have had mush for brains.


Agree, it's one thing to admire youth and beauty whether male or female, but it's another matter to ogle and pin one's sexual fantasies onto someone who does not welcome that attention. Where I come from it's considered a form of sexual harassment.

Many men do no realise just how threatening this kind of behaviour can be - even "innocent" ogling - and especially young teenage girls who are vulnerable because they have not quite learned how to negotiate the big wide world on their own yet. I went through that as a young girl, being ogled by teachers and neighbours, and it really feels horrible. At the same time you think "that's my teacher" (so we think he won't harm us) or "he knows my dad" (so we think he won't harm us either)  or "he's Clair's dad" (so we think he'd look out for us like he our dad would). And how would they think of a man like that if it was their own daughter or niece who was being ogled by some dirty old man? It's horrible, it's creepy and it's an abuse of a girls or a woman's right to privacy and dignity.

 

[SickOfIt]

You see when I notice an attractive man I don't follow him or creep on him or glance more than once. I am perfectly fine with my husband looking at women but his glances are little bit too long and those girls are young. I mean like what 8 years younger than me. I am in my late 20s.  But when other man looked at me and give me attention he gets all pissed off.  I can only imagine he looks more at girls because our sex life is not great at the moment as I have been sick for a month now.  I also noticed every time we are going somewhere I supposed to look like an old grandma, we had fights about my make up, my high heels and low cut shirts. I am young woman not 60 something old grandma. I still want to look attractive to him. Anyway  I doubt he watches porn as his phone and every single device he uses is connected to my phone. If he does watch than he must be very good at it and have another device hidden somwhere. Everything will come out sooner or later.

 

[newDilemma]

Re- is it normal for guys to be attracted to in appropriately younger women: I saw an article recently in a magazine that said the average age men find attractive (no matter the age of the man whether he's 12, 25, or 65) is 20! I'm not sure how accurate the test was and how scientifically it was done (may need to google it) but it did make me want to vomit a little on the inside. I agree with you in thinking men need to grow up from that fantasy and realise how gross and unrealistic it is.

It could be that since giving up porn he's noticing women more, or it could be that he's relapsing looking at younger women porn. It's really hard to tell as every reboot is different and both scenarios are logic but point to opposite reasonings.

But it seems he's doing the typical insecure rebooting thing of denying and lying even if it makes you feel crazy in the process- which might suggest something is amiss... I like the other guys response of saying that after his partner pulled him up on 'enjoying the view' he toned down a little- I think this is generally the thing someone aiming to have some common decency does. Staring does legitimately creep most younger women out especially by older men- a look is ok, a glance is best, but ogling is a bit too obvious and unnecessary and awkward.  Having said that I know sometimes men look because they are 'appreciating the beauty' and it doesn't go any further than that thoughts wise- but I guess it depends on the person.

 

[uglyduckling]

Don't have any answers but have noticed that most of the google searches my husband has made are much younger women also. He's pushing 60, so to me it is creepy and disgusting.

 

[Emerald Blue]

I find the age thing very unsettling too. In the real world it's considered rather creepy and most girls would find the thought of being ogled by a man old enough to be her dad or even older to be quite nauseating and "pervy". The problem with internet porn is that it normalizes such behaviour.