help! joined nofap 2 months ago, still my brain not balanced at all

nannitac

Member
hi everybody i started with nofap about 90 days ago. during my first approach i was feeling very good: selfconfident, helpful and carefull to people around, more proactive and successfull approaching girls. I relapsed after 2 weeks (no porn), after that negative throughts started to blow up in my mind...basically i realized how miserable was my life in terms of human relation: inability toi build longtherm friendship and relations, fear of intimacy and problems of communication even in professional life. Becouse of these throughts i relapsed more frequently(3-4 days) and since i feel under pressure i need urgent need to relief (sometimes with gilrs and shemale prostitutes sometimes with PMO). I thruly believe in Nofap but, i feel that joining nofap i started realize all problems i have in my life: i m 34 old, i have good job well payed but my carreer is getting worst year by year becouse of decreasing consideration thru collegues and bosses, i recently failed in my lovestories even if i dont have particular problems to know girls, i failed in my friendships becouse if i see around me i cant see any close connection with anybody). Sometimes i feel like life gave me lots, lots of opportunity but i was unable to catch them, meanwhile i wasting girlfriends, friendships, job opportunities. In some way i believe nofap showed me the bitter thruth of a miserable life...before when i had some problem felt stressed, bored, sad it was automatic go with prostitutes and PMOing just becouse considered " a way to get some relax"...the process was: problem, inability to solve it, panic, need to relief (PMO or prostitutes) ...actually i was escaping the reality! after some hour of relief whithout thinking about all my problems were there. Now i m fed up to escape reality, when i feel in anxious or a bad throught ruminate inside my mind for long time i m not able to concentrate to face a problem and can feel a kind of monster that grow up inside me a tell me: "stop thinking about it, you cant do anything! get some relax checking internet for best escort to have sex, best girl for webcam sex and so on"....if i resist i feel like in panic almost paralyzed and uneble to get rid of bad throughts. I was shoked to realized how deeply psycological is the need and how violently it appears when i need to get concentrated to face and solve a problem. Maybe i am  flactening as many peple said, euphoria of first days is gone and realize how miserable is my life is pushing me again to PMO, escort, shemales and social segregation. I m even getting scared becouse after reading thru YBOP and reddit i m realizing i m deeply addicted to sex (PMO, camgirls, escort, shemales), now i m getting able to understand which situations lead me think about sex. Please help me sharing some similar experience, i will be grateful to all of you.
 
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Numez

Guest
this is what happens when you start to move away from any addiction. i have similar experience.

your brain is trained to get pleasure from your drug (porn) and it got desensitized to all the natural life's pleasures. everything else except porn becomes much less enjoyable. when i became porn addict even video games became so boring. my social skills were down, no girls, social anxiety, suicidal thoughts, less creativity, just no fun. when i stop everything intensifies but because now i know its normal and natural to happen, i get through it. i get in bad mood, argue, get pissed off, have some bad interactions with people, feel physically sick here and there, cant concentrate.. but so what?

there is no way around it, only through it. and the way through it is to learn as much as possible what is going on in the brain. study your addiction. there is a lot of studies and guys who are talking about porn addiction. YBOP is great site for that. gabe deem, noah church, gary wilson and lots of other guys are talking about it.



 

nannitac

Member
i agree with you, knowing what is going on inside the brain is the key to face difficult situations during flatline. I considered myself not only porn addicted, since during the years i ve alternated porn/promiscous sex/webcam sex, anyway what happened to porn addiction seems matching  my addiction. I dont have any crave for porn now, but still suffer for intense cravings for real sex with prostitutes and shemales (attraction to shemale seemed porn induced from escalation to festish porn between 19 and 22 y.old)....i often tempted to read thru escort profiles.
i quit smocking sometimes ago...it is amazing that was 100 times easier!
concerning my reeboot, i relapse every 5-7 days from 1 month. I noticed:
- flashbacks of past sex come when i feel anxious, stressed, bad mood...i start thinking that is the result of my mood, it seems working to get rid of them
- even if i am in flatline i have quite regular morning wood, i believe becouse i am sex addicted rather than porn addicted
- had sex with nice girl during flatline, i was attracted by her...even if i was excited and had pretty decent sex i was not excited as i am usually with prostitutes and shemale
- i feel a bit depressed and self esteemed during usual activities
- thinking about shemales and sex with them seems reduced in last 2 weeks. i saw last images, profiles of some more than one month ago
- in general i feel less attracted by hot/slutty girls.
- i defenetely believe my addiction to porn and sex hijacked my sexual tastes. i feel aroused looking at girls with big tits or in general girls that dress, behave, talk in a quite slutty way (more or less same kind of girls you find in porn movies or work as street prostitutes). I realize it when i was in a club with friends, i noticed a woman not beautiful but with big boobs, red hair and really dressed as a slut...i felt aroused looking at her, when i comment with friends they start laughting saying "are you crazy? it s rediculous, she look like a low class slut...after that they did not paid any attention to her
- i feel attraction to shemale becouse of my ascalation to festish porn
- i knew a girl i like a lot recently, i feel impatient to meet her, not only for sex actually. she s nice but not "hot or slutty" like gilrs i feel usually attracted
 

nannitac

Member
during last couple of days flactening i noticed following:
- i still dont get enjoyment in normal activities, i feel my brain does not get enough dopamine from daily activities
- even if i m not entusiastic i never feel surly or intolerant with people around me
- my mood i pretty stable
- when i think about problems i dont get anxious like before
- i dont feel need to PMO ing when i have some bad mood, i just wait that bad throught pass
- cravings for sex are decreasing day by day, good sign becouse all my cravings are conneceted to porn or arousing sex with prostitutes i had in my past
- i have some morning wood, but not spontaneous erections during the day
- at work i am more able to concentrate without sex fantasies pop ups in my brain, it seems i am really starting rewiring
- sometimes i see sexy images by chance in internet or tv, but i am able to stay indifferent even if i am alone 
 
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Numez

Guest
you are doing good, keep going on like that forever  8)

its okay not to have spontaneous erections. just look for erections in situations where they are needed and avoid looking at explicit stuff even if you are feeling indifferent. it seems to get you day or two after if not in the moment. thats my experience. i may look at pics now and feel nothing but tommorow i may get extreme urge to PMO. i was actually watching some pranks on youtube and i was not feeling anything except the laughter because they were pranks but the day after i had the strongest craving of my life and managed to stay strong. same thing happened when i was watching ID channel on TV. they talking about murder but actresses were sexy. i was indifferent but two days later i had immense craving. i was not connecting the dots but i read somewhere that this happens this way and im thinking its possible.

you may have cravings from time to time its normal, just dont make it even harder for yourself.
 

nannitac

Member
after 10 days i relapsed, as usual a moment of loneliness and some hot girls in tv triggered my fantasies. I went to 2 hrs binge of porn.
now i believe is important dont blame myself, what makes me pissed off is that i whatched porn since i am not fully against masturbation.
i defenetely should learn to be stronger when i feel lonely or boredom
 
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Numez

Guest
educate yourself a little more about the addiction, it can only help you. after every relapse read some more. education helped me the most. i didnt changed the loneliness and boredom but i changed the level of awareness of what is going on, why i keep relapsing even though i obviously know that i have a problem.

remember you are not back to 0, 10 days is good. you can stay clean more next time, maybe forever  8)
 

nannitac

Member
you re right, rather than blame myself i keep going reading. About withdrawal Gabe said  "be comfortable to feel unconfortable".
After porn binge and relapses i felt better, becouse i gave to my addicted brain what he wants to feel balanced-
next time i feel withdrawal symptoms i must be strong becouse rewiring process will start again, i dont want to miss it again!
 
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Numez

Guest
gabe said it perfectly. its not about avoiding uncomfortable, you have already been doing it with PMO for too long time and it does not work, does it? this time we are facing it.

and to be comfortably uncomfortable you need to be aware of what is going on. you become aware through education. there you go, keep it up!
 

nannitac

Member
you re right PMO as addiction in general are just a big big illusion, you PMO thinking that will help you to relax but you dont realize that you are escaping from life
 
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