A 29 year old virgin's sad story

[solidahn]

I'm a little embarassed to tell my story but I'm actually a 29 year old who has not had sex outside of hookers.  I grew up with a lot of friends and had a handful of interest from girls but I guess the fantasy of masturbation was more exciting than facing the normal trial and error of trying to have sex with a real girl.  I wasn't really addicted to porn but more to masturbation.  Ever since I was in middle school I would masturbate using a vibrator not knowing the consequences of what it would do.  It got to the point where I would not even get hard and ejaculate.  I would do this quite frequently.  Pretty much everyday for years.  I also had a serious fetish for rape and it was ultimately what turned me on the most so the times I would look at porn, that is what I would look for.  A lot of people that know me would never think this of me but I know inside I needed to change and do something.   

Continuing on, towards college I realize that this was not normal and I started masturbating just using my hand instead of the vibrator.  I would do this everyday till now and now I think all these years have taken its toll and caused ED.  I can get it up but I would need frequent and conditioned stimulation from my hand.  I picked up hookers in the past to try to get some experience for when I get a real girl but I would never keep it up and was never stimulated by the vaginal contact.  My penis would die out during the intercourse.  The occurences would always be awkward. 

I think a lot of my anxiety with getting intimate with girls is caused by this and I am not getting any younger.  I come across girls that have a little interest in me but the shame of not being experienced plus not being able to keep it up to have intercourse causes avoidance. 

I know that my first step is to get my ED fixed and I am glad there is a support group for this.  I have gone 1 week now and it's been tough but I plan to make the change to see where it can get me. 

I do have a couple questions: 
1) I used to practice penis exercises such as clamping so I would stimulate my penis to try to do the exercise.  Is it okay to do this or should you try to abstain from any touch of the penis as the process? 

2) Is it bad to masturbate and get hard even though you don't orgasm?  (I have been doing that thinking that I just shouldn't orgasm.) 

3)  I also masturbate towards the point of no return and stop before I cum because I heard it was good for your sexual stamina?  Is that something not recommended? 

4)  Would using vaginal toys be an okay substitute if you had to? 

5)  I don't get turned on that much by looking at attractive girls and of naked picture of girls anymore.  Is this something that has happened to anyone and has been overcome? 

Sorry for the long post but any help from answering questions to success stories would be graciously appreciated. 

Thanks guys.
 

 

[robust]

I do have a couple questions: 
1) I used to practice penis exercises such as clamping so I would stimulate my penis to try to do the exercise.  Is it okay to do this or should you try to abstain from any touch of the penis as the process? 

2) Is it bad to masturbate and get hard even though you don't orgasm?  (I have been doing that thinking that I just shouldn't orgasm.) 

3)  I also masturbate towards the point of no return and stop before I cum because I heard it was good for your sexual stamina?  Is that something not recommended? 

4)  Would using vaginal toys be an okay substitute if you had to? 

5)  I don't get turned on that much by looking at attractive girls and of naked picture of girls anymore.  Is this something that has happened to anyone and has been overcome? 

Sorry for the long post but any help from answering questions to success stories would be graciously appreciated. 

What's up. 8) Good to have you here, mate. You've made a good choice, already. I'm trying to answer your questions as well as possible, but surely Gabe and many other guys here will help you too.

First of all, you don't have to apologize for you "long post". That's perfectly fine, man. We are here to share our thougts. So don't worry.

Concerning your questions:

1). I'm telling you that you will get to the point where every touch can become critical. I don't want to masturbate for 90 days. If I touched my penis now and "played" with it, I would freak out. Anyways, it's even recommended to not touch yourself (of course, washing is ok etc.). The best results were made without masturbating, without porns, without fantasies.

2). See 1). Also, "edging" is regared as even worse than just finishing of. So you'd better avoid that.

3). See 1+2). From my experiences, your stamina won't be increased.

4). See 1) again.Don't know. Nothing can substitute a woman, of course.

5). As I understood, you've already gone through seven days. You might be flatlining. That would indicate some progress. You will get through this, most (if not all) guys have this. Don't worry.


You might also want to read the stuff available on www.yourbrainonporn.com. Some of your questions will be answered there more detailed, I guess.

Good luck, bro. Enjoy your journey.

 

[LTE]

Like yourself, masturbation was my pro primary problem. Porn was a convenient stimulant to facilitate masturbation, but not the root of the problem.

I would advise no touch as a policy. My take on this is to never touch my penis for pleasure. I have developed the mindset that I only seek sexual satisfaction from a committed partner. It's been over 440 days since I've ejaculated and I'm just fine. You can do it too.

 

[LTE]

5)  I don't get turned on that much by looking at attractive girls and of naked picture of girls anymore.  Is this something that has happened to anyone and has been overcome? 

Doesn't happen to everyone (not me), but does happen to many. Very common issue.

Some guys in this situation feel compelled to "test" their arousal with porn pictures, but I would advise caution. That can lead to relapse.

It's happened to me. I've seen some R-rated nudity in movies and not felt a thing. However, I would repeat the caution of testing by peeking at porn; don't do it! I'm glad that incidental, non-pornographic nudity no longer triggers me, but I'm not going to tempt fate.

 

[SlaveToRighteousness]

5)  I don't get turned on that much by looking at attractive girls and of naked picture of girls anymore.  Is this something that has happened to anyone and has been overcome? 

Doesn't happen to everyone (not me), but does happen to many. Very common issue.

Some guys in this situation feel compelled to "test" their arousal with porn pictures, but I would advise caution. That can lead to relapse.

It's happened to me. I've seen some R-rated nudity in movies and not felt a thing. However, I would repeat the caution of testing by peeking at porn; don't do it! I'm glad that incidental, non-pornographic nudity no longer triggers me, but I'm not going to tempt fate.

I've been toying with the idea lately that not being turned on by looking at women (other than my wife) is actually a good thing. If you're not going to have sex with a woman, what's the point in being "turned on" by her? That only leads to frustration, and possibly fantasy/masturbation.

 

[Gabe Deem]

what up Solidahn,

I'm a little embarassed to tell my story

Don't be... a lot of us here had/have penises that don't work. We except you with arms wide open lol. This is a safe place to share eveything.

but I would never keep it up and was never stimulated by the vaginal contact.  My penis would die out during the intercourse.

Relax and no that this is a very common type of porn-induced dysfunction. Many guys have been in your same situation and rebooted just fine. Know you are not alone.

1) I used to practice penis exercises such as clamping so I would stimulate my penis to try to do the exercise.  Is it okay to do this or should you try to abstain from any touch of the penis as the process?

It is best to not touch yourself during the reboot. Leave it alone and let it regain normal sensitivity. Most guys report that touching their penis a lot hurts their progress.

2) Is it bad to masturbate and get hard even though you don't orgasm?

Yes, masturbating without orgasm is called edging. This is very harmful for your reboot as it keeps dopamine elevated high for long periods of time. This teaches your brain to need your hand to and also appears to numb your brains reward circuit. Most rebooters strongly suggest staying away from edging.

3)  I also masturbate towards the point of no return and stop before I cum because I heard it was good for your sexual stamina?

Same answer as above, this is edging and has been seen to be very harmful during a reboot.

4)  Would using vaginal toys be an okay substitute if you had to?

If it ain't real..no deal. I suggest only having contact with a real person.

5)  I don't get turned on that much by looking at attractive girls and of naked picture of girls anymore.  Is this something that has happened to anyone and has been overcome?

Yes, many guys have been in this same spot, as well as me. I can get turned on fairly easy and can get an erection at the anticipation of sex alone.

Just relax and breath.... give this reboot some time and stay away from touching yourself and watching porn. Replace masturbating/porn with something healthy like working out more or spending more time learning/working.

Hope the best for you.

 

[LTE]

JMO, you can have make believe sex or you can have real sex, but you can't have both. Which do you prefer? If you pleasure with your hand your brain wires to that sort of pleasure. If you reserve sexual stimulation for the real thing your brain will wire to the real thing and you be able to perform in that situation.

 

[solidahn]

I didn't realize that masturbation without orgasm could be a problem as well, plan to stop that now and try to keep the progress up.  Minus the touching I am going on 10 days with no orgasm through masturbation which is huge progress for me.  Hopefully I get through till the 90 day period. 

Thanks guys I really appreciate all the advice and encouragement!

 

[LTE]

I didn't realize that masturbation without orgasm could be a problem as well, plan to stop that now and try to keep the progress up.  Minus the touching I am going on 10 days with no orgasm through masturbation which is huge progress for me.  Hopefully I get through till the 90 day period. 

Thanks guys I really appreciate all the advice and encouragement!

It's at least as bad as having an orgasm.