The Silver Bullet to successfully rebooting - simple realization

Pisces21

Active Member
So if you're like me, you've spent countless amounts of effort and time educating yourself,connecting with others trying to recover, watching inspirational vids, etc.- and as helpful as everything else is, it all will always comes down to this- the most powerful bit of advice I could ever tell anyone or myself on this journey is this -

1)ABSOLUTELY NO ONE - NOT THE DEVIL, NOT SOME MYSTICAL HAND, NOTHING , WILL EVER/CAN EVER FORCE YOU TO TOUCH YOUR PENIS. Not even your URGES/CRAVINGS!

If you think about it, this is essentially an offshoot of mindfulness. The idea that we let the urges pass through us, observing them as something external to us- we are NOT our urges.

Yes, the cravings get tough,yes the withdrawals are an absolute PAIN to deal with... but you must shift how you react to these urges

2)Another huge point... NOTHING MEDICALLY IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU FOR DENYING YOUR URGES TO WATCH PORN/FAP
Goes hand in hand with #1 ^

This may seem like a big 'buh-duh..' to so many, but sit there and think about this. Part of the reason we relapse is because the urges become so strong and we almost start going crazy with the dopamine rush, that we deceive ourselves into thinking something simply MUST be done to relieve ourselves, almost as if this is the most healthy thing to do for our bodies lest we hurt ourselves or damage ourselves with just sitting on the flame of lust...well,I am here to tell you today this is BULLSHIT.

PLease, just remind yourselves of this! I call this the 1-2 punch to rebooting! Nothing is going to force me, and no medical complications will ever come of denying the urges.

The great thing is this method actually conserves willpower - instead of jsut having the raw will to just not fap to porn, it's a shift in thought and consciousness and realizing that the urges actually don't have the control over you that you once thought..it's all in our heads ( which tends to be the unifying thread of addicts here- got caught up in isolation in our heads..)

This has been the biggest realization for me and has really been helping me when all else fails during my journey. I'm personally tired of taking the soft route with myself and with other people. Yes this is an addiction/compulsion we face and no it doesn't like to listen to logic and it feels like we're being controlled and have no control... but I've found that when no other advice/reasoning works, the two points i presented do! Maintain personal responsibility!

STAY STRONG !
 

bken

New Member
I disagree with argument 1.

I tend to wake up masturbating every other day, even when I don't want to. It's as if my body masturbates without my mind's permission. I have no problem controlling myself during the day. Please explain.

If you think the devil has no say in whatever trouble you are going through, you are wrong. If you feel as if your will has been taken away from you, know that he is behind it. Just saying.

 
Not to disagree with point number 1, but maybe add an extension to that point regarding fantasy - I have had some experiences where I literally didn't touch my penis, but I was fantasizing at the time and as a result I made cum stains on my boxers. What I am saying is that managing fantasies is also a very important point to consider in a successful reboot.
 

Pisces21

Active Member
bken said:
I disagree with argument 1.

I tend to wake up masturbating every other day, even when I don't want to. It's as if my body masturbates without my mind's permission. I have no problem controlling myself during the day. Please explain.

If you think the devil has no say in whatever trouble you are going through, you are wrong. If you feel as if your will has been taken away from you, know that he is behind it. Just saying.

There's a few variables to your rebuttal. One,when you wake up masturbating , are you half-awake/half-asleep? Fully awake? I know personally, I have woken up masturbating, or at least starting to in this half-woken stage and within a few seconds realized what I was doing and stopped(well before orgasm) - so it is possible . If you do this don't let it discourage you, but just let it underscore how automatic and deeply ingrained this habit has become for us. Additionally, how do you masturbate? The standard way of rubbing your hand down up and down your shaft or through rubbing the penis against the mattress, face down? For me, it's the latter and if it is, then sleep on your back, so you come to notice that lying on stomach=danger potential. Makes it even harder to turn over to have to do it.

Also, I am a Christian man and I absolutely believe the devil is behind all the ills of this profoundly broken world we live in. I do not believe, however, he is physically FORCING your hand to do it, so much as placing tempations in your way.  If the devil or some demonic spirit, you feel, is FORCIBLY taking your hand to your crotch, then you are being demonically possessed and that's a different issue altogether that we could talk about. I do realize however that the temptations, urges and cravings can be so strong that it can feel akin to popular notions of demonic possession. 
 

Pisces21

Active Member
focusedmind said:
Not to disagree with point number 1, but maybe add an extension to that point regarding fantasy - I have had some experiences where I literally didn't touch my penis, but I was fantasizing at the time and as a result I made cum stains on my boxers. What I am saying is that managing fantasies is also a very important point to consider in a successful reboot.

Right, well those cum stains were likely pre-cum stains- that tends to be the most of what comes from solely fantasizing. ANd as counter-productive and bad as that is for the reboot ( at least on hard-mode- which is the only mode folks should be doing imo), most wouldn't necc. count it a relapse.

That being said, I fantasy is a huge part of point number 1 for me. Just add it to the list- NOTHING, not my urges, cravings, or even fantasies can TAKE my hand and place it on my dick.

I do understand your point though that even if it doesn't force you into a masturbation motion, it can certainly arouse you enough to cum, which is a no-no,even if only pre-cum. So, with that in mind, I guess that could be the 3rd point I have for rebooters

3) NO AROUSAL METHOD- no porn, no porn subs, no fantasies- KILL the fantasies. Every lusty thought is your brain sneakily trying to get what it wants

 

nannitac

Member
i believe that by adding point 3 your analisys is perfect, you summed up the rules that will improve day by day willpower and at the same time kills urges and cravings.
It is very interesting point 2: when we experience strong withdrawal symptoms  it is easy think that is our body that need PMO or compulsive sex to function properly, maybe this is the most common defence when we try to justify our addiction. The strong urges and cravings is all a creation of our addicted brain that is desperately requesting his preferred source of dopamine. i believe that in average an healthy men body can perfectly manage 7-10 days without orgasm.
When i was deeply addicted to porn i was able to fap almost everyday 5-6 times during 3-4 hours, the fifth or sixth time in a day i was exausted and almost without erection, just forcing my penis to orgasm...actually my body was screeming: please stop it!
 

Devo22

Member
Good list.

I do believe point one in that we entertain these thoughts and essentially all we have to do is get off our asses pull up our pants and walk out of the room. If that doesnt work walk out of your house. Isolation is the quickest way to relapsing "idle hands do the devils work" or something like that.

I get fantasies too and i just kick them out of my head by breathing deeply. I know I am only 14 days PMO free but I feel like i am 140 days in because I truely feel MOTIVATED AND DEDICATED TO KICKING THIS ADDICTION.

Also stop listening to western medicine. Men do not need to orgasm every 7-10 days. Especially PMO addicts. Its another justification that ultimately leads us to relapse. I know ive relapse 10,000 times due to entertaining these ridiculous facts.


Also this "hard mode" stuff is another means to setup people for failure. The very term hard mode is negative and counter productive.


I have had sex with my gf like 5 times since I have stopped PMO without orgasming once. It has sped up my recovery considerably. Already noticing my PIED recovering, morning wood is returning along with 80% erections

I definitely would not call that hard mode!
 

nannitac

Member
i agree about awakening in the morning. During weekends when i am not pushed to wake up early i stay even one hour in the bed sometimes with morning wood. At the same time willpower it is lower and possibility of relapse are very high
 

h8ful_snob

New Member
i agree with you fully on number 1

every time that i've relapsed i have realized exactly what i was doing and was fully conscious but yet i went right ahead and did it

will power is something that needs to be built and strengthen and you have to own up to yourself first and foremost
 

Pisces21

Active Member
h8ful_snob said:
i agree with you fully on number 1

every time that i've relapsed i have realized exactly what i was doing and was fully conscious but yet i went right ahead and did it

will power is something that needs to be built and strengthen and you have to own up to yourself first and foremost

exactly !! I think many of us , having been educated about what exactly it is we are addicted to and its nature- how it shuts down our reasonable portion of the brain and kind of 'takes control' of us.  If, however, there is even a shred of it left( and there is), then we still ultimately are choosing to do it and can choose to disrupt it.

Will power is a factor, but also I think people just have the wrong idea in mind. We always talk about it in terms of the will NOT to do something. How about the will TO do something. IN stead of mustering up the will NOT to fap, we ought to be focusing also on the will /desire to be FREE from this compulsion!

I think that makes room for a 4th point! (haha, I keep adding) -4) Get out of the mindset that it's something that you have to 'give up' for a period of time. This is what will cause you to relapse, because the subtext is that you still see value of having it in your life. Instead come to see this as something that you can be free from FOREVER! Of course, it's good to break this 'forever' up into smaller goals to help jumpstart you. BUt seriously, this is LIFE- go ahead an get giddy at the prospect of the idea that this toxic habit can be gone. Act as though you've already conquered it- as if it's ALREADY gone! How would you behave then?

"Kill the boy- let the man be born!!"
 
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