Model for Real Habit Change

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Leon

Guest
Below is a model for habit change, and works with any addiction including sex/porn/masturbation addictions.

Addiction: trigger/urge + repetitious response = habit.

Freedom: trigger/urge + repetitious non-response, or a different response = habit change.

Given the above illustration, habituation first occurred toward the original addiction, and must also occur toward habit change.

Enough times in saying, 'No' to our usual responses, enough times in changing it up, and we've successfully desensitized the porn-addicted neural pathways.

Or, if we lapse and repeat the behavior, we risk re-sensitization of the old neural pathways, and hence relapse occurs.

Habit change is very scientific, though it takes courage and tenacity to never give up in it's implementation.

Danger: What we want to avoid at all costs is being a serial relapser, meaning that our habit has now included a cyclic and predictable pattern of lapsing and 'getting back on the wagon', only to repeat it again and again.

I hope that this illustrates for many that there is hope for any of us in real and lasting change, and that it's not a hopeless disease one has to live with for the rest of their lives.
 

freedom2015

Active Member
I really needed to hear this message, thanks for the post friend. So in your opinion, what do you feel like is a good habit to build up while trying to dry up the porn addiction. And is it something that I should do when I get the urges or is it something I should just do everyday at a set time.  For example, I could walk on the treadmill for 30-45 minutes every day. Or do you feel that it is better to have something in a response to an urge like walking as soon as I start to get the urge.
 
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Leon

Guest
freedom2015 said:
I really needed to hear this message, thanks for the post friend. So in your opinion, what do you feel like is a good habit to build up while trying to dry up the porn addiction. And is it something that I should do when I get the urges or is it something I should just do everyday at a set time.  For example, I could walk on the treadmill for 30-45 minutes every day. Or do you feel that it is better to have something in a response to an urge like walking as soon as I start to get the urge.

You're welcome, Freedom2015.

There are several good habits we can cultivate, tailor made to fit your own lifestyle and goals. Speaking of goals, we must have in mind an entirely new self, not just the old self without PMO. As such, take some serious time to list (on paper) what your goals are, what your hopes are, your dreams. Go all out in this list, make it so compelling that it makes you excited about being a new person. This is key to habit change. Then, whatever is on your list, you could practice it in place of PMO.

A set routine, a discipline that you practice every day is ideal. If you're spiritual, it can be prayer/meditation or reading the Bible. If you're not, that's okay, you can do other things like reading someone who inspires you (e.g. Anthony Robbins?), or meditation can be performed without necessarily having a particular belief. But, something that will be a daily routine. Physical exercise, too, can be included- like push ups, sit ups, and so forth.

Again, follow the model above- being patient with yourself, because after all, it's not a habit yet. It may take 3 weeks or more for a new habit to stick. Consistency is key. Start off with smaller goals, and build it up over time.

To answer your question another way: both. These newer and better habits are to be consistently practiced like a discipline, but also have something in place for when urges arise. For me, it's mindfulness practices, like deep breathing- but whatever you do, wait out any urges/triggers, and they will subside. It may not feel like it, but they do subside. They may even come in waves, but ride out each wave (urge-surfing), until they subside. If in the process of 'acting-out', find ways to disrupt these urges or behaviors. If you use an iPhone, hold it upside down. If you act out on Tuesdays at 9 pm, set an alarm at 8:59 that would disrupt your pattern. It takes knowing yourself, and hacking your addiction. If you fail, don't ever give up, keep trying new things.

One thing I've done is, while acting out on an obsession, I'll set a timer to go off in 10 minutes. That kind of snaps me out of it, and gives me a chance to do something else, something different. Reward yourself for any victory, no matter how small.

Your ideas about walking a treadmill as a daily routine is good, and also to do so (or anything else) when urges come upon you is also good.

As a bonus, I'll add here a link to something I wrote called 10 Principles of Recovery. They are things that I myself implement in my own recovery efforts.

Be well.
 
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BigAl2016

Guest
This is a brilliant post, Leon. I think everything you suggest is spot on. I work in the addiction recovery field (drug and alcohol) and what you are suggesting are many of the strategies we recommend. Doing that job is one of the things that made me look at my own addiction to PMO and sugar. I have also had addictions to Cocaine, Cannabis and Nicotine in the past but overcome each of these quite a long time ago. My PMO and sugar/food addictions have been the most stubborn to shift, but I've never made a concerted effort like I am doing now - we all have blindspots I guess! :)

I practice mindfulness too - I think its probably the most effective approach there is to working with cravings, urges and negative thoughts, as well as, over time, cultivating a more balanced, less reactive state of mind.
 
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Leon

Guest
BigAl2016 said:
This is a brilliant post, Leon. I think everything you suggest is spot on. I work in the addiction recovery field (drug and alcohol) and what you are suggesting are many of the strategies we recommend. Doing that job is one of the things that made me look at my own addiction to PMO and sugar. I have also had addictions to Cocaine, Cannabis and Nicotine in the past but overcome each of these quite a long time ago. My PMO and sugar/food addictions have been the most stubborn to shift, but I've never made a concerted effort like I am doing now - we all have blindspots I guess! :)

I practice mindfulness too - I think its probably the most effective approach there is to working with cravings, urges and negative thoughts, as well as, over time, cultivating a more balanced, less reactive state of mind.

Indeed. Mindfulness is quite the rage in all kinds of fields of psychological therapy.

I, too, had addictions to other things when younger and PMO has by far been the toughest one. I also studied how PMO is similar to other addictions like to food, or eating disorders, and to OCD and other anxiety disorders.

Using all tools have been necessary to combat this addiction. It's great to meet you.
 
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