Hi! I'm 29 and just started my journey to reboot and no self stimulation 3 days ago.
I guess I will start from the beginning (so I don't know how long the post will be).
Well, as for girls I was a real slow starter. I had my first girlfriend at 19 and we didn't have sex because it ended really quickly again. I just wished I had experienced sex, because it probably would have made me aware of the problem much sooner. My next girl friend I had with 24 and this is where I first became confronted with Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and Delayed Ejaculation (or in my case: NO Ejaculation at all).
But there was that other problem: I had only heard about guys that finished too early during sex. You can hear about that everywhere, so I thought it was the only problem guys have to struggle with and when I was younger I tried everything to prevent this (trying to hold orgasm back for at least 30 minutes and the like). It never crossed my mind that I would be facing exactly the opposite...
So I first had sex with the girl I liked and it was such a pathetic display...
I got hard in the beginning, but then I felt not what I expected (or was used to). There was almost nothing, I only felt the warmth of her body which was good, but there weren't the typical stimuli, it felt like my penis was numb. I was so far away from an orgasm (and maybe I also was disappointed) that my erection decreased alarmingly fast after about ten minutes.
We thought it might have sth. to do with new experiences and that it will become better over time. I have to mention, that I used to masturbate regularly since I was 13, started to use porn/nude pics since I was about 15 and when having access to Internet I guess I developed PIED very rapidly. When I had my first sexual contact with 24 my PMO decreased for the first period of a 3-year-relationship, maybe because we often had sex (sex itself improved and she had a lot of fun, because i started going from erectile dysfunction to delayed orgasm and I was able to stay hard for almost an hour, but still w/o orgasm, I enjoyed that she loved it so at first I was happy as well, even w/o climaxing during sex). But over time it just felt wrong not to be able to ejaculate during sex so I started to think about what has gone wrong. Of course I did never blamed porn for that. I blamed my year long self-stimulation (and it wasn't that wrong, it of course has s.th. to do with the problem but what has porn to do with ED, I thought). I thought it would help adapting the feeling during masturbation to the actual feeling of having sex, so i started masturbating via fleshlight, slowed my motions a bit down and attached the fleshlight to my desk, so that I had to move myself instead of just moving my hand, sounds freaky and idiotic I know...). I needed much longer and it only worked with heavy use of porn but after months it improved my feelings during sex, just a bit but it improved so I thought I was on the right way. It even helped me having the first orgasm in my girlfriend without my own stimulation... but it remained a rarity... then over time I failed having orgasms during sexual intercourse. My gf started to feel unattractive even if I told her that I loved her and that all this hadn't a thing to do with her but even if she knew this it made her sad. So I wanted this problem to be solved. I looked in the internet but only found either women with delayed orgasms, men which came too early or other reasons why men didn't perform well in bed (anxiety, stress, nerve problems, alcohol/smoking... nothing that just even touched the problem I had: PORN AND MASTURBATION!!).
I started watching more porn (I felt that I barely had an erection while watching it, in sharp contrast to what I was experiencing in the past, back then I always got an erection while watching even nude pics) and to "train" more with the fleshlight. But nothing changed and I guess THIS manifested in my subconsciousness. I felt unmanly, I hab almost lost my libido for my gf (not for porn of course!) and I was worried about the future (will it always be that way? I wanted it to be normal someday... I wanted me to be normal someday...). I got depressed and then my gf broke up with me, because sex didn't work anymore at all, my character changed as well and she thought I didn't love her anymore and just did not want to admit it. And finally she didn't love me anymore.
Half a year later (of course I did use porn at that time) I met my current gf and after a few weeks of being together we wanted to have sex (well I'm still not sure if I wanted it 100% because of the bad experiences I had. At the first sex i lost my erection, but at the next 2 attempts it worked fine.
Then the nightmare came back... I almost gave up. I asked myself questions like: What am I good for? Will I disappoint her too? Is this my fate?
But the turning point came just a few days ago! I found "Yourbrainonporn.com" and "Rebootnation.org" here (funny side note: I found this page during PMO because I somehow felt that what I was doing was wrong and I started to browse for help again). I read the stories from some of you, guys, and for the first time since i experienced my problems I had with sex, I felt that I found the reason, I found the cure. When I read some stories, I thought that they could have been written by me. All the problems and all the feelings. I know that this will help! I talked to my gf and explained her the problem. At first it was hard for me to tell her. I was afraid that she would not understand but actually she appreciated my honesty and my willpower to stand up and find ways to change the conditions that affect me in a very negative way. She didn't even judge me because of the heavy use of porn. I will try not to self stimulate anymore and I will never watch porn or even nude pics. One cold turkey for me here! And to all of you, who have the same problems and who stumble across this post: Go and read more about PIED and that stuff! Oh and try a reboot read about that as well here on this page!)!
Kind regards and thanks for reading this. You don't necessarily respond to it. I just wanted to get this off of me and out of my head.
I also have some good tips for porn addicts and guys who suffer ED or delayed ejaculation (due to an overuse of self stimulation and/or porn):
1. Never watch videos or pics or read stories that arouse you. Never. Stay away from that.
2. Never masturbate (again). Do yourself the favor. Use Kegel exercises instead to improve your health (google it!)
3. Erase all traces! (videos/pics on your PC or phone that arouse you, toys you used to masturbate with)
5. Talk with someone about it (partner, true friends, forums with a related topic). You need to feel free and understood. It helps tremedously!
6. Never give up! There may be several setbacks or withdrawal symptoms (be aware: porn addiction is a real addiction, just like alcohol and smoking!) but you only lose if you do not always try it one more time.
7. Find something to do in your spare time that you gained by erasing PMO from your time table. Do sports, work, learn, find a new hobby or extend an old one. Meeting friends or spending more with a partner is a perfect alternative!
I guess I will start from the beginning (so I don't know how long the post will be).
Well, as for girls I was a real slow starter. I had my first girlfriend at 19 and we didn't have sex because it ended really quickly again. I just wished I had experienced sex, because it probably would have made me aware of the problem much sooner. My next girl friend I had with 24 and this is where I first became confronted with Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and Delayed Ejaculation (or in my case: NO Ejaculation at all).
But there was that other problem: I had only heard about guys that finished too early during sex. You can hear about that everywhere, so I thought it was the only problem guys have to struggle with and when I was younger I tried everything to prevent this (trying to hold orgasm back for at least 30 minutes and the like). It never crossed my mind that I would be facing exactly the opposite...
So I first had sex with the girl I liked and it was such a pathetic display...
I got hard in the beginning, but then I felt not what I expected (or was used to). There was almost nothing, I only felt the warmth of her body which was good, but there weren't the typical stimuli, it felt like my penis was numb. I was so far away from an orgasm (and maybe I also was disappointed) that my erection decreased alarmingly fast after about ten minutes.
We thought it might have sth. to do with new experiences and that it will become better over time. I have to mention, that I used to masturbate regularly since I was 13, started to use porn/nude pics since I was about 15 and when having access to Internet I guess I developed PIED very rapidly. When I had my first sexual contact with 24 my PMO decreased for the first period of a 3-year-relationship, maybe because we often had sex (sex itself improved and she had a lot of fun, because i started going from erectile dysfunction to delayed orgasm and I was able to stay hard for almost an hour, but still w/o orgasm, I enjoyed that she loved it so at first I was happy as well, even w/o climaxing during sex). But over time it just felt wrong not to be able to ejaculate during sex so I started to think about what has gone wrong. Of course I did never blamed porn for that. I blamed my year long self-stimulation (and it wasn't that wrong, it of course has s.th. to do with the problem but what has porn to do with ED, I thought). I thought it would help adapting the feeling during masturbation to the actual feeling of having sex, so i started masturbating via fleshlight, slowed my motions a bit down and attached the fleshlight to my desk, so that I had to move myself instead of just moving my hand, sounds freaky and idiotic I know...). I needed much longer and it only worked with heavy use of porn but after months it improved my feelings during sex, just a bit but it improved so I thought I was on the right way. It even helped me having the first orgasm in my girlfriend without my own stimulation... but it remained a rarity... then over time I failed having orgasms during sexual intercourse. My gf started to feel unattractive even if I told her that I loved her and that all this hadn't a thing to do with her but even if she knew this it made her sad. So I wanted this problem to be solved. I looked in the internet but only found either women with delayed orgasms, men which came too early or other reasons why men didn't perform well in bed (anxiety, stress, nerve problems, alcohol/smoking... nothing that just even touched the problem I had: PORN AND MASTURBATION!!).
I started watching more porn (I felt that I barely had an erection while watching it, in sharp contrast to what I was experiencing in the past, back then I always got an erection while watching even nude pics) and to "train" more with the fleshlight. But nothing changed and I guess THIS manifested in my subconsciousness. I felt unmanly, I hab almost lost my libido for my gf (not for porn of course!) and I was worried about the future (will it always be that way? I wanted it to be normal someday... I wanted me to be normal someday...). I got depressed and then my gf broke up with me, because sex didn't work anymore at all, my character changed as well and she thought I didn't love her anymore and just did not want to admit it. And finally she didn't love me anymore.
Half a year later (of course I did use porn at that time) I met my current gf and after a few weeks of being together we wanted to have sex (well I'm still not sure if I wanted it 100% because of the bad experiences I had. At the first sex i lost my erection, but at the next 2 attempts it worked fine.
Then the nightmare came back... I almost gave up. I asked myself questions like: What am I good for? Will I disappoint her too? Is this my fate?
But the turning point came just a few days ago! I found "Yourbrainonporn.com" and "Rebootnation.org" here (funny side note: I found this page during PMO because I somehow felt that what I was doing was wrong and I started to browse for help again). I read the stories from some of you, guys, and for the first time since i experienced my problems I had with sex, I felt that I found the reason, I found the cure. When I read some stories, I thought that they could have been written by me. All the problems and all the feelings. I know that this will help! I talked to my gf and explained her the problem. At first it was hard for me to tell her. I was afraid that she would not understand but actually she appreciated my honesty and my willpower to stand up and find ways to change the conditions that affect me in a very negative way. She didn't even judge me because of the heavy use of porn. I will try not to self stimulate anymore and I will never watch porn or even nude pics. One cold turkey for me here! And to all of you, who have the same problems and who stumble across this post: Go and read more about PIED and that stuff! Oh and try a reboot read about that as well here on this page!)!
Kind regards and thanks for reading this. You don't necessarily respond to it. I just wanted to get this off of me and out of my head.
I also have some good tips for porn addicts and guys who suffer ED or delayed ejaculation (due to an overuse of self stimulation and/or porn):
1. Never watch videos or pics or read stories that arouse you. Never. Stay away from that.
2. Never masturbate (again). Do yourself the favor. Use Kegel exercises instead to improve your health (google it!)
3. Erase all traces! (videos/pics on your PC or phone that arouse you, toys you used to masturbate with)
5. Talk with someone about it (partner, true friends, forums with a related topic). You need to feel free and understood. It helps tremedously!
6. Never give up! There may be several setbacks or withdrawal symptoms (be aware: porn addiction is a real addiction, just like alcohol and smoking!) but you only lose if you do not always try it one more time.
7. Find something to do in your spare time that you gained by erasing PMO from your time table. Do sports, work, learn, find a new hobby or extend an old one. Meeting friends or spending more with a partner is a perfect alternative!
