Advice? Suggestions? ? Porn induced acquired DE and acquired ED ? Road to recove

bbkenpo

Member
54 years old, have acquired DE and ED for about 4 years or so.  I believe I have re-wired my brain so that I can only ejaculate to porn and for sure to masturbation alone.  All of this started with DE and then the ED set in after I got performance anxiety.

All through my youth I masturbated (thank God) to Playboy, or solo as there was no porn to look at.  There was no internet, no crazy porn situations.  Only normal sexy girls in magazine.  The craziest it got was Hustler magazine and only crazy because they showed actual penetration.  Seems like soft porn now.  You still had to use your imagination and maybe that is why I never had an instance of ED (can?t get erect) or DE (delayed ejaculation)

Been divorced 4 years after 22 year divorce.  Towards the end of my marriage I was taking Clonazepam for anxiety (not sure if the Clonazepam is indicated in the delayed ejaculation I experienced) and started to masterbate for release and pleasure.  There was never enough sex in my marriage so I masturbated quite a bit, but my memory is that was in the shower or sometimes to a magazine, rarely with porn until the end.  Since my ex and I were not having sex I turned to masturbation in the end.  Of course by then we had high speed porn and like many of you, that is how I was teaching my body to respond.

I noticed several times that even solo I couldn?t cum or it took a long time.  I do wonder if the Clonazepam had something to do with it and since then have researched this and it can cause DE.  However regardless I was wiring my brain to pleasure from the cycle of masturbation with porn.

Since my divorce I had several encounters with women none of which I was ever able to finish (ejaculate) with.  Can you imagine the frustrating and embarrassment?  Yes it was great to be able to last super long but not finishing is awful.  Then got into a 2.5 year relationship which ended not too long ago.  The entire relationship I suffered from DE and sometimes from ED.  The ED I assisted with A pill which of course worked but I have since (since about 1.5 weeks ago) decided not to use as it is a crutch I don?t want it.  At the time it was prescribed the doctor pushed for its use so I could get and stay hard and not worry about cumming.  However as I now know I was just conditioning my mind to rely on it.

Also I set myself up for failure because I had so much failure in the past that I just expected it each time.  Each time I would have sex with my long term girlfriend I would desperately try not to think of cumming and just enjoy, but then at some point she would be done and I would not be so most of the time I just masturbated afterwards which took a huge amount of time and effort.  She was also bummed she was not able to get me off.  I wanted it so badly but it just wouldn?t happen.  Perhaps it happened once in 2.5 years from a hand job and maybe 10 times from regular sex.

Since that relationship I have been with 3 women, the current one is my girlfriend.  Was not able to finish one time with any of them.  But I had not stopped my masturbation to porn and have been wondering about death grip as well.  Or at least my brain and body are used to the pleasure of cumming with my hand and porn.

So she and I started a new sexual relationship and I have never been with anyone so sexual.  I thought of taking a A pill so I would not disappoint her but luckily have not.  I have never ever been able to stay hard for so long and had such libido? I am 100% convinced I do not have ED and never will use A pill again.  That part of me is fixed for sure.  Thank goodness.  However I still have DE, cannot cum.

We had sex many times over 3 days and I never came, got close but did not.  She was going away so I asked her to let me masturbate with her in the room.. I just literally could not stand it and to not touch it for the following week.  So I did it and it took a while but I came.

So now I have not looked at porn for over a week and it has been 2 days with no sex or masturbation.  I am hoping and praying that I start cumming naturally with her soon.  I have no idea how long this will take but I refuse to look at porn and will not masturbate myself.

Any thoughts or suggestions are so much appreciated.  Anything you suggest or would do or would not do.  Thank you!
 

harry

Active Member
Welcome to the forum, BBkenpo -

You're in the right place for recovery and support.

I suggest you read all you can about this disease on http://yourbrainonporn.com/. There are great video and porn free radio.

Trust me, we can imagine your frustration and your embarrassment. We know your pain - boy, do we ever.

It sounds like you may have desensitized your dick by masturbating with what we call the 'death grip'. You can look it up. Once you become used to the death grip, the friction (lack of) created by normal sex no longer works. I my case, in the end, I had to squeeze the very life out of my half erect dick just to come. Horrible.

The good news is this can be cured, and your dick can become sensitized to simple touch again. It may take some time depending on the damage. I would suggest you continue with not masturbating for the time being. For me, sensitivity has returned, but it took about 30 days.

Stay strong and keep posting.
 

bbkenpo

Member
Thank you so much for your support.  I will agree that it seems that I have deathgrip.  I don't' understand how it could have happened, it doesn't seem like I grip it that hard, but the term is more applicable due to the fact that I can't cum with sex or even my partner masturbating me.

When I am solo and do it, it doesn't seem like I have to grip that hard, but if I am with a partner I DO have to grip much harder and it takes more time.  Perhaps that is the part of my problem related to porn?

Either way, I know inside I am fine but need to recover, and hopefully this is the path.  Thank you so much
 

harry

Active Member
You're welcome.

For me, the death grip wasn't always a tight squeeze, but was a really fast up and down motion which created a lot of friction. The quickness of the motion could not be duplicated via intercourse or oral sex.

Here's the definition -
Death Grip Syndrome
A condition in which frequent masturbation by hand desensitizes the nerves in the cock, thus lessening the pleasure of jerking off.

The cure is to stop the behavior for a period of time. When and if you resume, try being gentle. The sensitivity will return.

 

bbkenpo

Member
harry said:
You're welcome.

For me, the death grip wasn't always a tight squeeze, but was a really fast up and down motion which created a lot of friction. The quickness of the motion could not be duplicated via intercourse or oral sex.

Here's the definition -
Death Grip Syndrome
A condition in which frequent masturbation by hand desensitizes the nerves in the cock, thus lessening the pleasure of jerking off.

The cure is to stop the behavior for a period of time. When and if you resume, try being gentle. The sensitivity will return.

Thanks Harry - now I feel better as my death grip also feels like heavier speed then squeeze.  Also I am able to ejaculate in a normal amount of time alone but the minute I am with a partner, regardless of having sex, handjob, I don't cum.

Even if I masturbate myself with them there it takes much much longer and requires a serious death grip - so I think that perhaps it is the porn induced issue at that point since I was masturbating to porn?

Either way seems like rebooting is what should work.  I hope, I pray!
 

bbkenpo

Member
Success!!! First time cumming in so long! I can?t even believe I am writing this, I feel like a miracle has taken place.  It has been 10 days since starting no PMO.  I have read story after story of success from DE and always knew I could do it but of course still questioned if it would ever happen to me. 

Last night with my new GF while having regular sex I had the most amazing mind-blowing orgasm ever. It was from penetration in doggie position.  Thank you to everyone thank you for all of your stories and assistance. 

Of course I have no idea what happens next with O but I know one thing for sure, no P and no M.  She was as happy as I was because she shared in the experience.  I don?t feel like a sexual loser anymore or someone that just has to ?go with it? and accept it.  I know now that I AM capable of being normal.
 

Phase2

Well-Known Member
Congrats, man. Post more as you go along. Most guys go through a flatline when they stop PMO but you've already 'rewired' at just ten days. Great for you! But you may very well have some issues (flatline, chaser effect) ahead so keep close to Reboot Nation and ybop. This journey is different for each of us, but we still share many commonalities. Learn all you can and stay determined!
 

bbkenpo

Member
Thanks so much, I literally am giddy.  I can not believe it finally happened.  Of course like anything I want to have many more times so that it becomes the new normal for me.... I am more hopeful for that than I have ever been.

One thing that definitely happened with my new GF is that I do not need any help from pills for ED.  Ever since I met her I have the ability to get hard, stay hard and please her.  Each time we make love it reinforces that until right now I feel like I can be ready anytime.  The little voice scaring me in the back of my head is smaller and smaller.  If this can happen for ED, then I am guessing it can happen for O!
 

harry

Active Member
I'm really happy to read your post - a little jealous, too, but I'll bet over it. It simply proves this process works, and that keeps me hopeful for a full recovery. Some of us just need more time than others. Congrats! Keep us posted on your progress.
 

bbkenpo

Member
Unfortunately I relapsed and masturbated on Saturday night.  This was after cumming two nights in a row.  I have not cum two nights in a row since my divorce 4 years ago.

I am ashamed and don?t feel really great about myself, had to reset my counter.  What happened was we were making love many times during the day.  I had no issue getting or staying hard.  She had multiple orgasms. I kept getting so close, literally right on the edge.  I kept telling myself I was ok, that it would happen or pass.  Neither happened.  I had that feeling where I literally could not stand it.  I had to have a release.  She was more than willing to give me a super amazing and very long HJ AND BJ.  But nothing happened, I could not release.  So I masturbated with her there.  I was using my hand and motion and finally I came but I broke the rules.  Now she is back staying at her place and my unit is very sore from overuse but I am so happy about ejaculating twice and also sad that I relapsed.
 

Phase2

Well-Known Member
Sounds to me like you got caught up a bit in the Chaser Effect. Read up on that so you'll know what to expect next time. Yourbrainonporn.com

I have a piece of tape on my computer that has the date the last time I PMO'd: Dec 14, 2014. And under that, I wrote a quote I read on here somewhere that says 'just slow down and let yourself be.' Your last couple of posts remind me a little bit of myself before I started understanding how much porn had addled my brain: like a whirling dervish of sexual anxiety, mind spinning, sexuality heightened, comparing yourself to porno actors, will my dick get up?, will it stay hard?, when's my next orgasm, how do I look?, who will have sex with me next?, look at that hottie!, etc, etc, etc.

Blech!! This is what Porn does to our brains. Makes us crazy!

That quote isn't poetry, but it makes sense. Just sloooooow down and BE. I think your brain needs the rest. I'd recommend some hard mode time.

Don't beat yourself up about that slip up. You're doing good. You learned a lesson. Now jump back on that horse and reboot and do it right. Learn everything you can! Good luck buddy.
 

bbkenpo

Member
Phase2 said:
Sounds to me like you got caught up a bit in the Chaser Effect. Read up on that so you'll know what to expect next time. Yourbrainonporn.com

I have a piece of tape on my computer that has the date the last time I PMO'd: Dec 14, 2014. And under that, I wrote a quote I read on here somewhere that says 'just slow down and let yourself be.' Your last couple of posts remind me a little bit of myself before I started understanding how much porn had addled my brain: like a whirling dervish of sexual anxiety, mind spinning, sexuality heightened, comparing yourself to porno actors, will my dick get up?, will it stay hard?, when's my next orgasm, how do I look?, who will have sex with me next?, look at that hottie!, etc, etc, etc.

Blech!! This is what Porn does to our brains. Makes us crazy!

That quote isn't poetry, but it makes sense. Just sloooooow down and BE. I think your brain needs the rest. I'd recommend some hard mode time.

Don't beat yourself up about that slip up. You're doing good. You learned a lesson. Now jump back on that horse and reboot and do it right. Learn everything you can! Good luck buddy.

Thank you so much for your support.  I read about the Chaser and can't really tell if that was what I had, but maybe it was.  I have had almost 0% urge to watch porn, thank god!  I think I am pretty much done with P.  I have had small urges more out of boredom when I am alone but they were easy to fight off.  I was also using P as a way to procrastinate and then of course sometimes that led to M.

This time what happened was that my GF and I had sex multiple times and I got close to cumming over and over, it was like edging I am sure.  Then before she was leaving I just had to M with her by my side to release.  I guess I should have just not but I did... urgh..
 

bbkenpo

Member
Success again! I almost can?t believe it.  (have had DE for 4 years since my divorce) I had an orgasm with my GF last night during sex.  It was mind-blowing and unexpected.  The other day we had sex and I was just tired and didn?t push it.  Then last night at her house we made love after I gave her a backrub.  I was getting close then sort of stopped.  Then tried again in missionary.  I thought I was getting close but still have a bit of a difficulty really knowing.  But then it seemed like I was getting really close and then pop!

Oh my god, it was heaven.  I have been putting creams on my unit for a few days to get sensitivity back and of course have not looked at P for about 2.5 weeks and as you can see had to reboot after M.

But now that is 3 times and I am starting to really get my confidence back.  Last night was the easiest time ever, was in a new sex position (was a bit concerned the first 2 times were both doggy style and started to think I would ?need? that position).

This makes me think that having an O for the first time ever from a HJ and a BJ may be just around the corner.  That will be insane.  Thank you for all of your support and for showing me the way!
 
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