Dealing with rebooting after being broken up by girlfriend

bamcoffee

New Member
Hi, my story will be short.

Met a girl a little over a year ago. We started dating, had a great time and less great times, but overall I was having the greatest time in my life. Finally met a girl I really liked and she liked me back. I'm 25, so my first serious GF I had was at 24. Well, my ONLY girlfriend. We started off nice and good. But after about a few months of having sex I started having problems with ED. We had some talks about porn and all. She didn't even know I watched it. I did and I thought it was pretty common (and it is - too common actually among ppl) so I had no worries. My erection problems only worsened and she started searching and reading about porn and its effect on users and found yourbrainonpron site. I read some and came to a complete turn around about dangers of porn. I realized I was (AM actually) addicted too it. Had problems when tried to reboot. She wasn't happy. Still have problems. But I am confident I will manage.

Here comes the current problem I have. She broke up with me a week ago and I didn't even suspect it. The relationship was totally utterly heavenly  beautiful through my eyes. My heart has never been so broken and I feel like dying. It's sooooo hard these days. And to make things "worse". On the day of the break up, I had the biggest record of one week of no orgasm. Before that I couldn't manage more than 3 days. On the day after the break up, my morale fell down like shit and I masturbated twice. After that, until today, I had no interest in masturbation at all, because my mind and heart is so broken I can't even think about it. But today I did it again once.

My question comes here. I am certain I want to overcome my problem. I don't want to disappoint my next GF that will come down the line and overall I want to be in COMPLETE control of my life. No addictions whatsoever. Interestingly, I have a very "strong" mind when it comes to alcohol or drugs. I use alcohol, magic mushrooms, ecstasy and marijuana, but I never need them out of addiction or never had nor have any immediate urges to take some. Can easily go long times not using any and can have great fun if sober too.

Ok, so the question. In these days of being broken hearted I need anything that will make my mind go off constant thinking about the good memories and my now ex GF. I need a good distraction. And I've been thinking that using porn and masturbating can do the job in these next few weeks of recovery. How smart or stupid it is is what I'm asking? Knowing that I never went more than a week without porn. So I won't make a lot of damage if I continue for a few weeks. I really need a certain fall back from the bad depression I am currently in. It is SOOOOO hard to live life like this.

EDIT: Have to clarify she didn't brake up with me because of my problems with ED and porn. She explained I just wasn't the right for her. That our personalities were just too different and so on.
 

fugu

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Hey man! I can relate - I was in a relationship with a good girl, and she broke up with me. My ED was prominent during the relationship, too, but we some how worked around it.

I found motivation a few months afterwards. I envision my future and getting a new girlfriend, getting married, having gets...I knew none of these great things could happen to me if I was in the porn habit.

Try your best not to use porn - I've found learning guitar and running to be AMAZING distractions.
 

robust

Active Member
Reminisce about all the positive things you've experienced for one last time. And than start to focus on new goals. Conquer. Be aware of your thoughts, they might play tricks on you and tell you to reminisce again. But stop that. It doesn't make the situation better. Nobody can help you with that, man. But I wish you all the best. Live with dignity. Good luck.
 

Damn_yUO

Member
feel you, mine broke also up with me. I think they actually do brake up bcs ED. And its normal i guess to... Though i'm not in counting mood, had some progression untill this weekend. Alot of drug use bcs my gf broke up with me litle sleep. Had also this weirdist crave since idk how long in porn. Didn't even checked it!!! Gz to myself, but now again in flatline...

Is this normal?!

Anyway I hope you manage to keep yourself away from porn. It can only helps and I just put in my head NEVER EVER AGAIN ED BCS PORN! Just if i fall in love again I won't be embarrased/feel unsertain/lie/make up excuses to my gf.

The quest for GF is back open. Go sport or read or game but don't forget to go out! The more time you spend outgoing the more likely you'll find another GF :)
For me I'm gonna hurl down and be sad for another 2-3 weeks I guess.

 
Hey, don't fret my brother, don't let anyone rob you of your right to smile, it's our best quality. You will hear this mentioned a lot on such sites as this but really, p is all hype, like sensationalist media stories. Without m it's nothing. What makes it pleasurable is the O, personally speaking I never enjoyed the m, heck I'd probably have rubbed my nose just for the o, but that shows the power of o. Remember Hugh Hefner is 80 something, has plenty of women and yet still prefers porn to them (there was an article on this). So it will never satisfy you.

As for the girlfriend situation, ed is not a good reason to leave someone in my opinion. I'm sorry about the heartache, but why can't it be the summer of love for you? Far as I'm concerned it's not for you to regret but rejoice.

Be Well Bam
 
bamcoffee said:
Ok, so the question. In these days of being broken hearted I need anything that will make my mind go off constant thinking about the good memories and my now ex GF. I need a good distraction. And I've been thinking that using porn and masturbating can do the job in these next few weeks of recovery. How smart or stupid it is is what I'm asking?

The short answer to your questions would be NO! Porn is not a good distraction in the next few weeks. I totally empathize with you as my addicted brain has also tried to use this one on me. That's all it is; an addicted brain suffocating by being deprived its precious shots of hormones and trying to get you to use your free will to act out and fall deeper into despair. The fact of the matter is that you are not in recovery while you are using porn. You are going away from recovery. Once again, I get it; I don't think you're stupid. It's just that this thing is gonna take more than a couple weeks. You might as well get started now rather than lying to yourself saying you'll start in a few weeks when all the porn has made you "feel better" about yourself and your situation. Expect the withdrawals and flatlines and scariness and anxiety. If you see this through, I guarantee you it will be temporary and you will come out the other end a happier, better you. I'm sorry to tell it like it is, but I really write it for myself.

Take care. Stay porn free friend
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
[size=12pt]Welcome bamcoffee.

Let me address the breakup with your first girlfriend. Nothing I can write here
will make the pain go away. It's agonizing and if you had the strength and fortitude to
seek out a portal like Reboot Nation, then you have it in you to get pass this.
But it's going to take time. It's normal part of life and you really get to know yourself
as you cope. Sleepless nights and anxiety and of course missing that warm body
that you felt so much security with.

You may not know it now, but your life does get better. You don't realize it simply
because this is your first real girlfriend and something inside you feels like you're
not sure if you can capture that feeling again.

I will spare our members here with a long story that is related to this that I
believe will be beneficial. Because what you're going through now really hits
home with me even though it happened back in the 90's.

I'll send it to you directly when you have the time to read.
I hope it brings a refreshing perspective.
 
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