My Aggressive Pursuit of a Great Life

[vigilantwarrior]

Journal Entry 1 ? Mon, 3/28

Getting Current
What's up guys!! So I want to introduce myself to everyone while I start my journey through this journal. I?m 26 and have tried to quit porn for 10 years, which feels pretty insane. I?ve put a lot more energy into it for the past 5 years, and yet I still haven?t broken free. This is, by far, the hardest challenge, of my entire life.

I?ve reached the ability to go for about 2 weeks without withdrawals, but it?s so hard to break through that barrier; I just shut down into kind of like a subhuman form, and everything feels wrong. I have to get through that Dead Zone. Despite my rough day yesterday, I actually feel? okay. I am not feeling depressed, and my head is somewhat clear, which isn?t always the case. Often, my porn relapses last many hours, sometimes in the double-digits, just bingeing as long as humanly possible, and I end up with severe dark thoughts and intense self-esteem issues, which are only encouraged by my constant failures. Without porn I can be a pretty great guy. But while it captures my life, it really deflates any shred of awesomeness that I've built over life.

That said, I?m ready to hit the ground running and not let *anything* in my head trick me out of my path to sobriety and enlightenment.

Learning & Expanding
I am putting intense focus towards learning and expanding my perspective during this process, to make personal growth while I fight this battle.

First of all I have to say that Gabe Deem's direct yet level-headed conversation about the potential destructive nature of porn with "Porn on the Brain" is very encouraging and impressive, and anyone who hasn't seen it should definitely check it out.

Craig Perra, one of the more notable online coaches and advisors for men with porn addiction, makes a hugely dramatic statement in his entry video. The one cure for porn addiction, sex addiction, mediocrity, etc. is: The Aggressive Pursuit of a Great Life. He keyed in on this and it made me think, obviously I haven?t done a good job of trying to replace porn addiction. Instead, I might play more video games and watch more movies, and spend more time doing things I should do and yet don?t always enjoy (working out, recovery reading, cleaning). Can I find what drives me and discover a passion instead of trying something new, failing, and giving up? That would be a great boost in my pursuit of sobriety.

Also, Tony Litster from ?curethecraving? insists that there are 4 important areas to focus on ? The body, the mind, the spirit, stress management.

• The BODY ? physically, it?s an organism. How am I feeding my body, and setting myself up for cravings? Bad foods and stimulants literally can make the body more likely to crave porn.
• The MIND ? replace the shame cycle. Get our mind in alignment with the inner dialogue, and then learn how to meditate and visualize.
• The SPIRIT ? We need to bring the inner world of our feelings and our emotions into alignment with natural law of the earth, processing the chatter and the stress, and finding internal peace and quiet. It may include spending time in nature and being very still, and honoring the space within us.
• STRESS MANAGEMENT ? Stresses build up over time and can?t be eliminated, but we need to look at habits in our brain that are proven to unwind stress so you don?t need to crave an escape any longer.

I am looking forward to a new chapter.

 

[muhammadtaha2016]

Yeah tony is one of the oldest guys on this issue.
Game deem and yourbrainonporn has brought new revolution to this porn issue.

you can take cores from all three guys and make your own plan to fight addiction.

Important thing is to stick with one plan.

get help if needed.

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Thanks muhammad! Yep, I think that I'll have my specific identity and path more defined in time but I'm definitely aware that I limit myself in life on what I can and should be accomplishing. I have few hobbies or passions and don't know where to look to expand them. But I'll keep my eyes open and take it one step at a time.

-siphus

 

[Ka-Kui]

Hey man! I can relate to many of what you wrote. After a relapse (binge) I really feel living in a dark world, alone, completely hopeless.

I just arrived from the gym. Even if the work out wasn't the best I felt happy in getting there and doing my exercises.

I liked very much what you wrote about de developing in all the aspects. I think in some strange way we need to thanks in knowing the truth about what is going on with ourselves and our brains. We in a way know what we have to do and begin to worth the importance of giving our best in the things we do, even if we end up failing. It's tough...

All the best for you, we're together in this journey.

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Ka-kui, thanks for the supportive words. Man, it's good to know that other people experience this a similar way. I'll definitely push myself to get a good work out in tomorrow. Thanks man

Day 2 - Nature Overdose

Getting Current
Today has been crazy therapeutic. An acquaintance of mine invited me on a hike today, and we pretty much spent the whole day there. The view from the top was like this, minus anyone on the beach:

BOOM!! Ridickalous. And I had enjoyable conversation with everyone and great physical exercise. So things feel pretty good right now.

I should add a bit more info about my life. During the past couple years, this addiction has chipped away at every part of my life, until the point that I recently quit my job and moved back in with my parents for a few months. Sounds lame I guess, but it's nice to have parents that are willing to help out in that way. But the sad thing is that they're still not good at communicating about anything personal. Even though they know I'm going through this, my dad completely avoids the issue with me, and my mom jumps around the topic. I sort of wish they were available for talking about this kind of stuff, but that's what my Counseling Group buddies are for. I have what I need; just sometimes wish that the communication paradigm within our family could somehow change. You know.

Anyways, my day was mainly all hiking, and it was very fulfilling.

Learning & Expanding
A couple recent semi-obvious, yet necessary conclusions of mine:

• 1 Relapse is simply *never* allowed. When desperate, I can get into this form of thinking where I?ve technically "relapsed" hundreds of times, so what?s 1 more? But 1 more is the one that can technically lead to years more of fighting and struggling. But 1 more success/win can technically lead to years of contentment, developing my dreams, and pursuing them. So no, 1 relapse is never just 1 single slip.
• Also, no looking up pictures of attractive girls. That sounds obvious, let me rephrase it ? no more allowing myself to get lax when I'm in a good place so that when I randomly think about punching in [insert actress name here] because she was cute and really good in this movie, then I must decide against doing that. This is my choice to make. If I don't decide to avoid this, then I can easily succumb to my compulsions and lose control of myself.

On my way!

-siphus

 

[LeirTheFox]

Hey man,

Seems to me that you went to an awesome place. Incredible!
It leads me to the first conclusion I got after starting No-PMO: staying busy and outside is crucial for not only success, but enjoyment of this process.

I know how parental support may be helpful ? I spent an entire life without the capacity to open to my parents about my stories with women, sexuality and feelings, and that led me to be a very repressed child. Took me some time to crush this out, and I believe the same will happen to the barrier between you and your parents. We break it step by step, slowly. Not to mention that it might be too much a novelty for them to believe that PMO is a problem ? some societies still see just discussing it as a taboo.

Your conclusions were precious to remind me of this muddy waters I was starting to enter.
Keep your life fulfilled, man and if you ever need, we'll be in touch!

Cheers,
L.

 

[vigilantwarrior]

I certainly appreciate the kind words and how you relate, L!!

Day 3 - Opening the 'Worthless' Box

Getting Current
Hey hey, so today is my long day where I have counseling in the evening. In "Individual", I shared something really dramatic that I wrote. I don't have many people that I feel safe with sharing some of the dark thoughts that I have, so I guess that's what a counselor is there for. I deal with some pretty heavy thoughts of worthlessness and self-hate, and I don't think anyone should feel like this. It's very sad. But it's there. So I read what I wrote, and it felt good. She didn't know exactly where to take it but I think she understands how much help I'll need on this road to recovery, and I dig that.

Learning & Expanding
Today I read about "surfing the urge". To keep it brief, a psychological study showed how much of a difference the technique made when they did a study with smokers. "Instead of distracting themselves from the urge or hoping that it would just go away, they should really get a good look at it. What thoughts were going through their mind? What did the urge feel like in the body?... urges always pass eventually, whether or not you give in to them. When they felt a strong craving, they should imagine the urge as a wave in the ocean. It would build in intensity, but ultimately crash and dissolve. The [addicts] were to picture themselves riding the wave, not fighting it, but also not giving in to it."

I really like this and plan to keep it in mind and implement it however I can. On to the next day!

-siphus

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Day 4 - Stick to the Routine

Getting Current
The sun was out, the parents were in a great mood in the morning, and I killed my routine today 8) No urges to deal with yet. Unfortunately tonight, I sort of snapped at my pops when he made some of his paranoid, unfounded, negative comments that I've become very resentful towards. That wasn't fair of me. I know that, yeah, it would be nice if those around us improved their habits, but I can't just expect that. I also see my reactions creating more distance between me and him. Sometimes showing love is just overlooking those things like that, and finding positive ways of showing yourself self-care afterwards. So that's what I will try now.

Learning & Expanding
I got great points that I connected with from the Recovery Workshop about perceptions of the emptiness phase. I'll need to keep this close in mind so I don't fool myself again:

(abridged by me)
"In most addictions, the person has come to depend on their addictive behavior to manage their emotional state... without the ingrained addiction, they are left with an emotional void that is very real. And very uncomfortable... They begin to feel an emotional emptiness...And they assume that something is wrong. That they need their addiction in order to feel normal. And here comes the porn, or the masturbation, or the affairs. And then, right on cue... the excitement and pleasure and passion. Along with the guilt and shame and depression. But it doesn't matter. They would rather feel all of the emotions, than to feel nothing at all. And so, relapse occurs.

...To someone used to experiencing the extremes of the emotional experience... the void that is created when eliminating the behavioral patterns that managed the majority of your emotions is like removing your soul. You no longer feel 'normal'. You feel as if there is something wrong inside of you; like you are broken somehow... So, inevitably, you go back to acting out because even the potential negative emotional consequences of your behavior (guilt, shame, failure, loneliness, etc.) are better than to have no emotions at all.

So, in preparing your road to recovery, you will need to prepare yourself for a time when you might feel empty inside... This period may last a few days, it may last a few weeks. Rarely, will it ever last longer than that. And in those few weeks, your goal will be to recognize this emptiness, and begin to fill it with the values and the dreams that you believe in."

Thanks!

-siphus

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

Hey Siphus!

Great work, keep it up man.

I can relate about having trouble sharing with parents. Luckily I have parents that are a little more communicative than some. I've told my mom and sister and father about it. Most of the times I shared with them was when I was in a really low point after using P, and needed to tell someone close to help me out of that really painful place.

With my dad, it's a funny thing, he's actually struggling with P addiction too. But he has a slightly different view of it than I do. I feel that I need to, and can ultimately get out of the P trap. He's not so convinced, and I think even though he admits to having trouble with it, he somehow feels that he can continue to do it somehow in his life. I hope someday that he will have had enough and finally make the break. Anyway, I'm really glad that he and I can talk about that stuff and really relate, cuz we're dealing with the same thing.

My mom and sister were a little different in their reactions - they are definitely open and receptive with me telling them about it, which I totally respect and am thankful for. But there isn't much so called 'follow up', as in checking in with me to see how I'm doing with my challenge. Which is understandable - sex is often a taboo subject, so especially P addiction is a topic not many people touch on.

I think for awhile I was hoping that I could totaly depend on my family for support. Which I know that in times of need, I will be able to. But, I'm now coming the the realization that it's really up to me to make the shift. It has to come from inside me!

Stay strong man. It's sounds like you're doing good! That hike looks like it was a blast!

-Peace

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Peace! Man, nice to hear about how your different family members take it. It can be a tricky environment to navigate. But yeah it definitely is all on us inside and then it helps to find the right people who we can reach out to when we need em.

Day 5 - Make Time for Recovery Work

Getting Current
So, I had another hike planned. 2 in 1 week is record-breaking for me, haha. But again, it was great. This time it was with a few of my Group buddies. So that was excellent. The one who organized the hike - him and I just decided to try a system, starting yesterday, where if we relapse, we'd have to donate to a cause that we hate. The tricky thing is, we also have to donate a little bit if the other person relapses. It definitely gives you more accountability to not want to affect someone else. Anyways, should be interesting to see how it goes.

Learning & Expanding
I almost didn't get to any, but I found about 45 minutes to read part of "The 4 Agreements Companion Book" and while I was reading a section of it I thought about how silly and unfortunate is that I've let this resentment build up towards my dad. I made a few conclusions and new agreements, such as:

• I agree not to react with negativity to someone else's negative framing or opinions
• I agree to quell sources of building resentment through the beautiful power of the Word

Sometimes we can let the past control our present to such a dramatic degree that we've basically assigned all of the future responses to turn out the same way. Through being kind and talking with him normally and in a friendly and accepting way tomorrow I'll work to restore a beneficial relationship and put unnecessary things behind me. Dig it.

-siphus

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Day 6 - Enjoying the Show

Getting Current
Today was cool. I got to spend wicked time with one of my best friends, just chilling. And I also had a concert to go to tonight that I was looking forward to. Everyone there was cool and the concert was a blast. So, all good things.

But I did notice some cravings for the first time in this run. Some girls and what they wear is pretty frustrating. Anyways, it caught my eye a few times while driving and I had to just shake it off. Cravings are weak though and I'll just keep up with my good habits.

Learning & Expanding
One thing I read about today is Gratitude. I wish that I inherently showed more gratitude to people around me, but sometimes I forget and I get thoughtless. So I intend to show more gratitude to my parents for little things they do and for just the nature and sunny days, and each day that I'm healthy and alive. At least I'll try, haha.

Let's keep it going,

-siphus

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

Hey Siphus!

Sounds like you're doing great man. Keep it up. I like that you have a 'learning and expanding' part of your journal. That's a place that I know I need to focus, and I am moving a bit in that direction in my life, but I might not be posting about it enough.

I totally hear you about being aroused by what the ladies be wearin'. Just yesteray I was walking behind three women, and one in particular was pretty hot. I actually felt myself starting to get an E just walking down the street behind them!

Here's my thoughts about that - I know that for some people looking at real women in real life can be a trigger which can lead them to go home and M to P. For me, I'm allowing myself to be aroused by real women in real life, and if I go home and M while thinking about them, that's ok in my own personal rule book.

What I'm starting to realize about myself is that I've had a 'sex negative' view for a lot of my life (viewing ALL S as negative, not just P, but all forms of sexual arousal in real or digital life). What this lead me to do was supress and repress it, which meant that it came out in un-healthy forms - usually P etc).  NOW, I'm trying to have a 'sex positive' view: to see S as a good, healthy thing in my life, and that it's only really P that is the negative thing.

So yeah, I would say, if you can differentiate between checkin' out real hotties in real life, and checkin' 'em out on the internet, then allow yourself to be interested/aroused in real life, cuz that is more natural and what our brains evolved to do.

If you can't keep them apart, then yes, try to avert your gaze. BUT, I would say, try not to feel bad about being aroused in the first place - it's totally natural, and it's the way our brains naturally evolved to do it

Stay strong and Jah Bless!

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Thanks for the feedback, man! Right as you say all that, I failed to do any learning today.. haha, gah, I'll get back on it. Sundays are tricky; thankfully I spent it with friends and distractions.

For me, hot girls fester in my mind. I'm such a visual person that I notice that before I break down for a binge, fairly often I've been checking out girls pretty frequently. So personally I gotta be careful, but I dig what you've learned about your journey for sure 

Day 7 - Easy Like a Sunday Morning

Getting Current
So... today was a slack off day. No exercise, no recovery work. In fact, a couple frustrating things happened. While with some friends at the park, a buddy of mine pointed out a girl with some ridiculously noticeable features and joked about it. Even the girl who was with us sort of agreed and joked along. We kept it going for quite a while, and I know we were just being goofy but I can tell with what my mind dwells on, it's better when I don't entertain those jokes. (It's still there) But it's fine. Moving on.

Secondly, the female friend I was with, I thanked her for coming out, since she drove a ways, but she ended up being rubbed the wrong way by a joke we were making to her. It's a longer story, but she's been going through some crap and hasn't been processing it. So she let her irritation out on me via text tonight. NGL, I felt a bit rejected for trying to be grateful and getting that response. But after thinking, I realized that she's right, we took one of the jokes too far, so I showed more kindness by sending a empathetic text that she'll see in the morning. Hopefully it'll be healthier for both of us to not have to deal with any low-level resentment under the surface.

Learning & Expanding
*sigh* not today I have felt semi-urges. But a week down, so I guess that's to be expected. Just gotta do my work tomorrow. See yall then,

-siphus

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

Hey Siphus!

It can be a challenge to deal with misogynistic attitudes in real life, for real. I struggle with that because I find often that it's those views that drive the P fantasies, and a lot of the plot lines that are in P videos. So its like there's this struggle inside where we've wired our brains to be turned on by men treating women that way (I think at the root of it, men are tempted to do and say these things because it makes us feel powerful inside - it's a boost to our egos), but it really goes against our strong drive to treat others as equals and wanting to be treated as equals - plus, that's how a lot of men have treated women in our society for a LONG TIME! So it can feel hard to go against the grain and say "hey I find that offensive" because (in my case anway) I'm often afraid of being ostracized and kicked out of the group.......but I think at the end of the day it's more important to start changing this stuff then just take the path of least resistance. (I'm just saying this, I'm not saying I find it easy to do, but with time it should start to get easier).

I think with more time spent away from P, this will get easier because we'll not be constantly reinforcing those old inherited power differentials and sexist/prejudice views that are (almost all the time) VERY much presented as normal and reinforced in P!

 

[refreshed_28]

Great get going bro in ur pursuit

 

[LeirTheFox]

Thanks for the feedback, man! Right as you say all that, I failed to do any learning today.. haha, gah, I'll get back on it. Sundays are tricky; thankfully I spent it with friends and distractions.

For me, hot girls fester in my mind. I'm such a visual person that I notice that before I break down for a binge, fairly often I've been checking out girls pretty frequently. So personally I gotta be careful, but I dig what you've learned about your journey for sure 

Day 7 - Easy Like a Sunday Morning

Getting Current
So... today was a slack off day. No exercise, no recovery work. In fact, a couple frustrating things happened. While with some friends at the park, a buddy of mine pointed out a girl with some ridiculously noticeable features and joked about it. Even the girl who was with us sort of agreed and joked along. We kept it going for quite a while, and I know we were just being goofy but I can tell with what my mind dwells on, it's better when I don't entertain those jokes. (It's still there) But it's fine. Moving on.

Secondly, the female friend I was with, I thanked her for coming out, since she drove a ways, but she ended up being rubbed the wrong way by a joke we were making to her. It's a longer story, but she's been going through some crap and hasn't been processing it. So she let her irritation out on me via text tonight. NGL, I felt a bit rejected for trying to be grateful and getting that response. But after thinking, I realized that she's right, we took one of the jokes too far, so I showed more kindness by sending a empathetic text that she'll see in the morning. Hopefully it'll be healthier for both of us to not have to deal with any low-level resentment under the surface.

Learning & Expanding
*sigh* not today I have felt semi-urges. But a week down, so I guess that's to be expected. Just gotta do my work tomorrow. See yall then,

-siphus

Hey Siphus,

Sundays are tough, eh? Some friends reccomend me to have one day for intentionally procrastinate and do-nothingness. If you can afford yourself to give you such a free day without affecting much of your progress, I'd be the first to encourage you to do so.

I have to congratulate you both on the first week mark (YAY! ;D) and on your self-conscience about how you acted towards your friend. I've let my arrogance get ahead of myself many times, and even when I was surely wrong, I didn't apologize. Of course, things are different today, and I know how much is a struggle for the ego (who have to starve, whilst the soul has to be fed), but you did well. Keep it up!

I'm keeping up with your stories. Keep it up with the good job and the effort, man!

Cheers,
L.

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Peace, I hear that. Being a killjoy is not easy, but with maturity and, like you said, more of a sensitization to P and objectification, it can come. ... Once I'm in the 30-39 category, I suppose.. ;P

Refreshed, I appreciate the support!!

L, my friend, I dig that. My initial text response was essentially 'we were clearly just teasing you' but my 2nd text was more sensitive and she seemed to respond appreciatively as soon as she got it. Being empathetic and humble saves the day again. I think this journal even helps me be more conscientious of the things I do.. which plays into the P aspect because the more balanced I keep my life and emotions, the less my subconscious feels ashamed and wants to escape.

Day 8 - It Was All a Dream

Getting Current
So last night shook me up. I've never had a wet dream, ever, and I think I came the closest I ever have. It was pretty vivid and threw me off. Thankfully it didn't draw me towards acting out, although I did M, which I try to avoid but it's not part of my primary goal. Anyways... dreams have messed up my mental state and my sobriety in the past; this time I was fine, but do you guys have any techniques or articles in particular that help when that comes up?

Learning & Expanding
I've made various constraints for myself that are kind of like 'filters' on my technology use:

• No smartphone
• Limit my daily recreational time on the cpu
• Don't use cpu when nobody's home

I listened to a Porn Free Radio podcast that talked about filters. It made the point that a filter is only like a fence? it's not a fortified castle with a moat surrounding it. It's simply a boundary to remind you of what's safe, but if I make the decision to jump over it, then I'll likely trespass somewhere and get into trouble. Filtration techniques are not going to block all my access. If I look for loopholes I'll find them. But filters are not moats. I need to embrace and appreciate my safety boundaries.

Thank you so much for the support along the way,

-siphus!

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Day 9 - Steamrolling

Getting Current
I talked with 3 accountability buddies today. I kept a good schedule and had enjoyable recreation. Very limited urges, once when I noticed a new attractive employee at my gym and caught myself looking a few times with some objectification :-/ I need to be smart about that, but I'm not beating myself up about it. Just moving on.

Learning & Expanding
Just a thought from this book I love, The Willpower Instinct, where she discusses runner's fatigue and comparing that to the emotional fatigue of battling an addiction. If the word "willpower" frustrates you, don't worry, she makes sense of what 'willpower' really is, instead of "just try harder". The book gave me several techniques that increased my success. My abridged quote of the section:

Some psychologist Dr. Hill "proposed that exercise fatigue might be caused not by muscle failure, but by an overprotective monitor in the brain that wanted to prevent exhaustion. If this was true, it meant that the physical limits of an athlete were far beyond what the first message from the body to give up suggested. The brain, sensing an increased heart rate and rapidly depleting energy supply, literally puts the brakes on the body. At the same time, the brain creates an overwhelming feeling of fatigue that has little to do with the muscles? capacity to keep working. Because fatigue is only an early warning system, extreme athletes recognize that the first wave of fatigue is never a real limit, and with sufficient motivation, they can transcend it. Some scientists now believe that the limits of self-control are just like the physical limits... we often feel depleted of willpower before we actually are. This doesn?t mean we?re out of willpower; we just need to muster up the motivation to use it. The widely observed scientific finding that self-control is limited may reflect people?s beliefs about willpower, not their true physical and mental limits."

This reminds me when I start to feel worn down by major cravings, that I'm not actually falling apart into complete mental collapse. My brain's balance is just off and that's the response it gives. I'll get better if I don't just give in to my sensation of emotional fatigue.

-siphus

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

Hey man, when just reading what you wrote about will power, I was thinking that something I like to do is simply shift my thinking to something else.

I find that so often when there's something in our minds or our lives that we don't like, we tend to focus on it almost saying "if I think about this, or fight this enough I'll win, and it'll go away". But I find more often then not what happen's instead is that we just strengthen the thing that we're 'fighting' and it wins anyway (we might give in to cravings of PMO if we've been heavily resisting them for the past hour and a half or however long).

So something to try is just try shifting your thinking to some other thing - put your headphones on and put on some calming music (or whatever is good for your mood, but preferably not loud, energetic, macho, violent music). And maybe read a book, or chat with a friend online, or on the phone, or draw or paint, or take out a pen and write in your journal etc. Just something to shift your focus away from resisting this thing. I find that technique helps me

 

[LeirTheFox]

Day 9 - Steamrolling

Getting Current
I talked with 3 accountability buddies today. I kept a good schedule and had enjoyable recreation. Very limited urges, once when I noticed a new attractive employee at my gym and caught myself looking a few times with some objectification :-/ I need to be smart about that, but I'm not beating myself up about it. Just moving on.

Learning & Expanding
Just a thought from this book I love, The Willpower Instinct, where she discusses runner's fatigue and comparing that to the emotional fatigue of battling an addiction. If the word "willpower" frustrates you, don't worry, she makes sense of what 'willpower' really is, instead of "just try harder". The book gave me several techniques that increased my success. My abridged quote of the section:

Some psychologist Dr. Hill "proposed that exercise fatigue might be caused not by muscle failure, but by an overprotective monitor in the brain that wanted to prevent exhaustion. If this was true, it meant that the physical limits of an athlete were far beyond what the first message from the body to give up suggested. The brain, sensing an increased heart rate and rapidly depleting energy supply, literally puts the brakes on the body. At the same time, the brain creates an overwhelming feeling of fatigue that has little to do with the muscles? capacity to keep working. Because fatigue is only an early warning system, extreme athletes recognize that the first wave of fatigue is never a real limit, and with sufficient motivation, they can transcend it. Some scientists now believe that the limits of self-control are just like the physical limits... we often feel depleted of willpower before we actually are. This doesn?t mean we?re out of willpower; we just need to muster up the motivation to use it. The widely observed scientific finding that self-control is limited may reflect people?s beliefs about willpower, not their true physical and mental limits."

This reminds me when I start to feel worn down by major cravings, that I'm not actually falling apart into complete mental collapse. My brain's balance is just off and that's the response it gives. I'll get better if I don't just give in to my sensation of emotional fatigue.

-siphus

Hey my friend,

Just a quick insight on your reactions to the girl. What do you mean, objetification? I think, as long as you're being genuine with your desire for a real person (i.e.: 'this girl is so attractive, i love how she walks, how X her hair is, how X her body is, etc) is fine. I'd be more careful if your 'objetification' resulted on some dirty reaction, like the thoughts we have when watching porn. Regardless, you dealt with it really well ? to not ponder and let it go is the best strategy.

On willpower subject: the guys who used to boulder-climb for a long time said the same stuff. They're always telling that "we're far more capable than what our minds conceive of ourselves". Good to read a specialist's take on the subject. Thanks for sharing the excerpt!

Cheers,
L.