Sick and tired of being sick and tired

[ReadingRunner]

Hey, My name's Matt. (up for accountability if someone else is, just let me know)

I've been into pmo for 8 years now. I'm 24 and my first time was May 4, 2007. Day after my 16th birthday. I'll never forget that date.

I've always just watched porn maybe once a day or once every couple days so I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Then over the last 6 months or so, I've been watching it everyday, at least twice a day and then while doing homework I keep it on in the background, It's doesn't even get me going, I just need it on.

I'm a virgin, never even kissed a girl. That doesn't bother me that much though. I'm a christian, I don't believe in sex before marriage but it seems a bit hypocritical that pmo would be okay to me.

I recently stopped, 6 days and then I masturbated about an hour ago. No porn though, I guess that's the silver lining. It took a long time and my forearm is still sore.

I really want to be done with this, like my subject line says, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

[Loser21]

Wassup man if you need an AP I can definitely help and its good that you can still hold on to your faith regardless of what you are going through

 

[ReadingRunner]

Hey thanks man

Yeah accountability would be great. I'm ready to kick the habit.

Longest I've gone is 53 days without pmo, and that was back in 2010.

Have you been on here long? I just registered a couple days ago

 

[Loser21]

I've been here for about a year and some change and considering you went 53 days ik you're familiar with the process

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Hey man, I'm totally with you. I'm Christian and a virgin too and I fell deep into pmo when I was 16 as well. Personally, it started doing some screwed up things with my mind and my emotional state, so it feels good being on the path away from it.

You can do this, we're all pulling out of similar traps, and many inspiring, encouraging minds here will help you along the way, and you can give back as well. I'm glad to have you here with us!

-siphus

 

[ReadingRunner]

Thanks for the posts guys

I'm going through stressful times at school right now. I have 4 cumulative finals in less than a month and I don't feel very prepared so obviously the only thing I want to do is get in bed and look up my favorite actresses. When I get a moment of clarity, it really disgusts me how I would think that. Women really have started to become objects to me and I hate it.

I went for a run this morning and I actually feel a lot better. I've studied today more than I usually do and I don't feel a strong desire for pmo. Getting up at 5:30 really helps in building self-discipline which is a subject I'm very weak in.

A quote that has helped me out a bit. "Mind over matter, if you don't mind then it won't matter"

Good luck guys

 

[ReadingRunner]

Brilliant, Just mo'd. Still no porn, I used music videos as a p-sub. it's like I'm 16 again. Absolutely pathetic.

What the hell is wrong with me? I knew what I was doing was wrong, thought to myself I'd have to post this on my journal, I'd have to reset my counter and I still did it. Just shows I don't really care. I absolutely disgust myself.

I know everything to do, I know what my triggers are and how to stay away from them but I just press on like some obedient dog.

Again though, no porn so that's something. There were some things on the porn sites I wanted to look up but I've put a barrier up in my mind so there's a very good chance I won't go there again. I just need to do the same with mo now.

I have no excuse for this. I just need to man up, no excuse.

 

[Loser21]

Yeah man I mean yeah you just mo'd with no porn involved so that is something at least your showing that you have some control or some willpower. Not gonna lie mo'ing to a music video is a new one but whenever you did watch porn what did you normally view it on? Also man sometimes if you just REALLY REALLY cant fight it just mo to feeling only in extreme cases.

 

[ReadingRunner]

[ Not gonna lie mo'ing to a music video is a new one but whenever you did watch porn what did you normally view it on? / quote]

For the last 3 years or so I've been using one of the main porn sites. But I kind of shut that down, kind of made legitiamite porn sites a no-go zone for me. I just need to do the same thing with mo. Really, I just need to stay away from idle hands, that's what did it.

I'm still really pissed off at myself, maybe I can channel that.

 

[Loser21]

I mean that's good you've shut down legitamite porn sites it just seems like you like to test the waters. What exactly are your weak points? For example mine is in the bed at night or in the morning and I avoid being in the room by myself

 

[achilles heel]

I'm still really pissed off at myself, maybe I can channel that.

Never be pissed off because of something you can't change anymore, like a relapse. Don't regret your mistakes, but learn from them and just remember what made you piss off, to work on avoiding it. You will only make it through the hard time of reboot with a positive attitude and a rational analysis of what lead you where. Negativity and feelings of self-hatred lead you to a state of emptiness making you vulnerable for triggers...

I know the music video substitution, gave away my TV long ago, it's full of triggers appearing by surprise. There is not a single reason to keep a TV, it's a waste of time and a potential trigger. Whatever movie, series or sports event you want to watch, you might watch it online and have a better control over start/stop/commercials/follow up programs.