Free At Last

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 1

Well, yesterday was another 'day 0' and I realized already during the binge that there is no benefit whatsoever to this stupid addiction and I really need to leave this behind. Nothing new, as this new beginning isn't anything new either, but after a long time I feel the need to really change.

I can't go a week clean anymore lately despite my personal life being better than ever. While I will talk about this later, my first goal is to make it through the weekend without relapsing.
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 7

Made it a week clean, have been very busy so far - going back to counting days and writing here will surely help me go through the toughest part which is upcoming.
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 0

Lately it's impossible for me to go longer than a week and I stopped writing because I felt a setback to my early days: I am back to the point where I tried to overcome this on pure willpower and feel guilty afterwards every time I get triggered by something as simple as a lingerie ad.

It's necessary to work with restrictions again to keep myself off the phone, that's the only way that worked for me, I've written it down hundreds of times on here, but still I keep telling myself to take the easy way out.

After six years on here with a maximum of 100 days clean I have to ask myself what's the difference to the hundreds of failed intents before. I am convinced to manage it this time, because three important things are different now.

First of all I am in a serious relationship after many years of having "friends with benefits" and feeling lonely and somewhat empty emotionally.

Second: I am almost two years clean from drugs as my frequent cocaine use often led to returning to porn during the depressive aftermath. I am much more stable emotionally without this poison.

And third: I "found" religion and finally feel like heaving a stable moral compass and values to hold on to in my life. As I have been a convinced atheist myself for many of my younger years I won't emphasize this aspect on my further path of recovery to not sound like a missionary, but it is an important aspect for myself as it helped me coping with the losses of loved ones.

Despite now being 35 I never really felt like a grownup, but looking at the changes in my life I feel like this very day is the turning point. I already achieved a lot in my life and the last obstacle is this porn addiction that I will leave behind from this very moment on.
 

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
Keep fighting king! It's merely another step in the marathon. EVERYBODY can get better, hopefully your newfound belief in God will grant you some divine power!
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 1

Fell back heavily, it's hard to even stay away a week. Yesterday was another day 0 but so far I managed to complete the first 24 hours and a little more. Have to take this step by step and take this addiction as serious as possible.
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
Day 1

Fell back heavily, it's hard to even stay away a week. Yesterday was another day 0 but so far I managed to complete the first 24 hours and a little more. Have to take this step by step and take this addiction as serious as possible.
Glad to see you back. Can't get to forever without a day 1. You can do this.
 

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
Day 1

Fell back heavily, it's hard to even stay away a week. Yesterday was another day 0 but so far I managed to complete the first 24 hours and a little more. Have to take this step by step and take this addiction as serious as possible.
Glad you're back man! It's all about dealing with your triggers. When you spot them coming you can counteract them!
 
Top