Depression can be a withdrawal symptom. So don’t assume you’ll always be depressed. If it’s a withdrawal symptom, it will pass and life will no longer look gray
and empty.
So try not to identify with depression as being the real you.
Free At Last
- Thread starter achilles heel
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and empty.
So try not to identify with depression as being the real you.
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
You've got this man, you can beat your brain!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 1
I have fallen deep into the abyss again and today is day 1 of getting out. These days I will write more about what happened and strategies to avoid porn in the future. I know it is possible, but it’s not as easy as I wanted it to be.
I have fallen deep into the abyss again and today is day 1 of getting out. These days I will write more about what happened and strategies to avoid porn in the future. I know it is possible, but it’s not as easy as I wanted it to be.
arcana
Member
Please, just show all your self-control and willpower and stop relapses. I've been digging myself deep into a hole for so many years that I thought I'd never get out. At that time, I thought that minor relapses were infrequent, would not hurt me much - how wrong I was.
(3 years just in terrible pain to such an extent that I didn't want to eat, drink, or sleep)
(3 years just in terrible pain to such an extent that I didn't want to eat, drink, or sleep)
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 2
Thanks a lot, arcana, you are right - as I now have a family, I thought minor relapses (and due to not having much free time alone it was mostly restricted to them) wouldn’t hurt that much. But they lead to the giant binge as soon as it’s possible.
I had the feeling of giving in, of being unable to quit due to all those failed attempts. But there is no alternative but to go the painful way again.
I have to increase restrictions on my phone use and try to work around cravings with control and discipline. As soon as the battle with my own mind begins again, I have to avoid all rationalizations and just push through the first weeks and - hopefully - months.
Thanks a lot, arcana, you are right - as I now have a family, I thought minor relapses (and due to not having much free time alone it was mostly restricted to them) wouldn’t hurt that much. But they lead to the giant binge as soon as it’s possible.
I had the feeling of giving in, of being unable to quit due to all those failed attempts. But there is no alternative but to go the painful way again.
I have to increase restrictions on my phone use and try to work around cravings with control and discipline. As soon as the battle with my own mind begins again, I have to avoid all rationalizations and just push through the first weeks and - hopefully - months.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 3
First weekend ahead, I am changing to healthier habits, but have to understand that quitting porn doesn’t depend on my other changes in life. Often I fail at my plans on sports or nutrition and my brain goes “You might also fail on porn and start again everything and have a new perfect streak”.
Despite counting days, this is not about a streak, but about a definite final change in life. This change will make me face different moods, I will feel depressed and my brain will try to do everything to get the dopamine fix, but I have to ignore this and stick to this journal.
Reminder to myself: Quitting porn is the biggest task in my life and I want to succeed no matter what doubts will arise.
First weekend ahead, I am changing to healthier habits, but have to understand that quitting porn doesn’t depend on my other changes in life. Often I fail at my plans on sports or nutrition and my brain goes “You might also fail on porn and start again everything and have a new perfect streak”.
Despite counting days, this is not about a streak, but about a definite final change in life. This change will make me face different moods, I will feel depressed and my brain will try to do everything to get the dopamine fix, but I have to ignore this and stick to this journal.
Reminder to myself: Quitting porn is the biggest task in my life and I want to succeed no matter what doubts will arise.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 4
Keeping myself busy, so far I'm doing well. Still have to remind myself every day what I want to achieve.
Keeping myself busy, so far I'm doing well. Still have to remind myself every day what I want to achieve.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 5
A successful start so far, weekend is almost over and I’m happy to make it to 5 days.
A successful start so far, weekend is almost over and I’m happy to make it to 5 days.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 6
The first week is almost complete and as I wrote this like a hundred times before, I have to make sure I find a strategy to build upon this initial success.
No matter how long the binge, I never reach any state of happiness my brain expects of a relapse. There will be the “Just allow yourself a little pleasure” tricks and every peak just opens the door again for the next long binge.
I need to keep changing my habits and always remind myself that I can’t control porn, but have to set measures to control me and keep me away from it forever.
Lately I had tried to return to use social media and I just can’t. I can read a Twitter news page and end up watching porn, just because there is a profile with a triggering pic in the comment section (and there are a lot) - this is my major change now and so far it is working. Have to further restrict my cell phone use now as I am using it too much anyway.
The first week is almost complete and as I wrote this like a hundred times before, I have to make sure I find a strategy to build upon this initial success.
No matter how long the binge, I never reach any state of happiness my brain expects of a relapse. There will be the “Just allow yourself a little pleasure” tricks and every peak just opens the door again for the next long binge.
I need to keep changing my habits and always remind myself that I can’t control porn, but have to set measures to control me and keep me away from it forever.
Lately I had tried to return to use social media and I just can’t. I can read a Twitter news page and end up watching porn, just because there is a profile with a triggering pic in the comment section (and there are a lot) - this is my major change now and so far it is working. Have to further restrict my cell phone use now as I am using it too much anyway.
Many recovering porn users discover that part of their addiction is a cell phone addiction. Maybe get an old-fashioned flip phone for a while - at least until you break the habit of seeking constant novelty.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 7
Thank you very much for your constant support, Androg! You are right, it is definitely a cell phone addiction, but as it is my work phone, I can’t change it for a dumb phone anymore. Just quitting social media (again) is helping a lot already and I need changes that are possible on a long term.
Hiding my phone completely from myself helped on my longest streak, but I fell back into old habits, so this was not sustainable.
Today I will complete the first week and despite all my past failures this means, I made it one week without porn or any p subs and improved my life already during this period of time. Time for the next step.
Thank you very much for your constant support, Androg! You are right, it is definitely a cell phone addiction, but as it is my work phone, I can’t change it for a dumb phone anymore. Just quitting social media (again) is helping a lot already and I need changes that are possible on a long term.
Hiding my phone completely from myself helped on my longest streak, but I fell back into old habits, so this was not sustainable.
Today I will complete the first week and despite all my past failures this means, I made it one week without porn or any p subs and improved my life already during this period of time. Time for the next step.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 8
Still doing very well, just didn’t get much sleep last night and have to be very careful - I figured out a long time ago that with less sleep I have significantly lower self control. So far everything looks very promising, going for the second week.
Still doing very well, just didn’t get much sleep last night and have to be very careful - I figured out a long time ago that with less sleep I have significantly lower self control. So far everything looks very promising, going for the second week.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 9
Doing very well so far, avoiding possible triggers and changing to good habits. I believe in change again, it is possible!
Doing very well so far, avoiding possible triggers and changing to good habits. I believe in change again, it is possible!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 10
It feels great to reach a two digit number of days without porn again and I am entering the most difficult stage for me. I notice that social media makes such an uncontrollable difference for me, which is kind of scary. The mindless scrolling down of news and stories will always lead to triggering images and sooner or later I will fall for those traps. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything when restricting my social media use strictly to private messages and I have to keep it that way forever.
It’s not a big sacrifice, but definitely a giant help with my personal struggle. I am convinced that after all these years of failure I am capable of finally writing my own success story and it’s about time.
It feels great to reach a two digit number of days without porn again and I am entering the most difficult stage for me. I notice that social media makes such an uncontrollable difference for me, which is kind of scary. The mindless scrolling down of news and stories will always lead to triggering images and sooner or later I will fall for those traps. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything when restricting my social media use strictly to private messages and I have to keep it that way forever.
It’s not a big sacrifice, but definitely a giant help with my personal struggle. I am convinced that after all these years of failure I am capable of finally writing my own success story and it’s about time.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 11
It’s very difficult already, the second weekend does come with heavy urges and I need to stay focused.
It’s very difficult already, the second weekend does come with heavy urges and I need to stay focused.
Also stay busy with other activities for now. Good luck!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 12
Thanks, androg! That’s what I did and it worked, today feels easier already, but there will be ups and downs from now on. Still going hard mode and feeling ready to leave this addiction behind!
Thanks, androg! That’s what I did and it worked, today feels easier already, but there will be ups and downs from now on. Still going hard mode and feeling ready to leave this addiction behind!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 13
Made it through the second weekend, good start so far, now I need to focus on changing habits and avoiding triggers. And I have to believe in a permanent change as the hundreds of failed attempts make it difficult to figure out a reason, why this time it’s going to be different. I honestly can’t tell, because I was very convinced many times before.
Made it through the second weekend, good start so far, now I need to focus on changing habits and avoiding triggers. And I have to believe in a permanent change as the hundreds of failed attempts make it difficult to figure out a reason, why this time it’s going to be different. I honestly can’t tell, because I was very convinced many times before.
Just keep going. You will get there.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 14
Two weeks complete! Apart from long term goals and despite the doubts because of hundreds of failed attempts, this is a success. For two weeks I avoided any p or p subs and I am happy with my life and my productivity.
The toughest times are coming now and it is up to me to push through week 3 one more time and then leave this behind. Now going step by step, every day is a success, even if the day counter appears low.
Two weeks complete! Apart from long term goals and despite the doubts because of hundreds of failed attempts, this is a success. For two weeks I avoided any p or p subs and I am happy with my life and my productivity.
The toughest times are coming now and it is up to me to push through week 3 one more time and then leave this behind. Now going step by step, every day is a success, even if the day counter appears low.