Free At Last

[achilles heel]

Day 24

It’s been a while since I reached the fourth week and last night was finally easier than before. I’m finally taking it serious again and stick to my restrictions.

 

[Blondie]

Nice @achilles heel!

 

[achilles heel]

Thank you very much, Blondie!

Day 25

The weekend is here, have to be very aware now and not risk the initial success by lowering my guards. As long as I stick to my restrictions, I will succeed!

 

[achilles heel]

Day 27

Last day of the fourth weekend, it’s been a year since I’ve come this far. Next goal: Complete the first month. Once again I realize that not lowering my restrictions is the key to success and I need to remind myself of this. Soon I will start to think “Initial phase of reboot is over, it’s okay to take the phone to the toilet or to bed once in a while”, but no, it isn’t! These new rules are not temporary or otherwise I will fail again.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 28

Four weeks complete, next goal is to reach one month on Wednesday. Now I need full focus because of the holidays and the subconscious thought “You can start a clean streak again on January 1st” - however stupid it may sound, I fell for this many times.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 29

Almost a month, now there’s a tough week ahead with plenty of free time. I can either make use of that time and start exercising again and try to improve during the second month or I can throw it all in the trash and start again. Seems to be an easy choice, but then why did I return to the wrong path over and over again in the past?

One reason is not taking the problem serious enough as soon as the worst effects vanish. I feel amazing improvements in social interaction once again and could be tempted to allow myself some exceptions in terms of my restrictions. But I won’t and instead try to inherit that keeping the phone out of the bedroom is actually a good thing and benefits me. I got a little book lamp and read a lot. Scrolling mindlessly through the internet not only is the direct path to porn but also a terrible waste of time.

My restrictions of phone use are not a punishment, but a benefit and I will stick to them.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 30

One month complete, woke up to very heavy urges this morning and set the goal to improve nutrition and sleep from now on. Good sleep is definitely helping me during reboot and better nutrition avoids tiredness all day. The goal is to drastically decrease sugar consumption.

It’s also seven months without alcohol now and I don’t plan to drink again any time soon. If I start with one beer, there will be a second one and hangover isn’t far. From there it’s a shortcut to relapse. If I take my restrictions serious and take care of my physical and mental health, I’m convinced to finally succeed at overcoming this addiction that held me back for over 20 years now.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 32

Another weekend ahead, have to take this as serious as possible and make it through the end of the year now.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 34

Another weekend almost complete, tomorrow it will be five weeks clean and I am convinced to enter 2025 porn free!

 

[Blondie]

This is great new, @achilles heel!

 

[achilles heel]

Thanks a lot, Blondie!

Day 35

Five weeks - if I remember correctly I didn’t make it that far the whole year. Now it’s important to finish the year porn free and build upon this streak in 2025.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 37

Reached 2025 without relapsing, now I have to keep up with restrictions and finally break free. Happy new year to all of you!

 

[achilles heel]

Day 38

I have to keep away the doubts that are creeping up, this is the right way and I need to continue. Still sticking to my restrictions, next partial goal is to complete 40 days.

 

[Blondie]

You got this @achilles heel. 40 days is right around the corner.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 39

Thanks a lot, Blondie! Yesterday was the most difficult day so far and now there’s the weekend ahead. I already thought this was going to be easier, but it’s not and I need to be prepared for more difficult days ahead.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 40

Feeling better, had a great day and just reached a little milestone completing 40 days!

 

[achilles heel]

Day 43

Six weeks complete, now entering seventh week, can’t remember when I made it this far the last time, but it feels great. The only thing I notice is that I tend to forget about the severity of my problem and I already know that this led me to lowering my guards and relapsing in the past. I have to stay aware.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 44

Sometimes it gets really frustrating, my favorite newspaper throws in google ads that show extremely triggering pictures of female tennis or volleyball players - I reported them as inappropriate.

I finally quit drugs five years ago and just know what places and situations to avoid, but quitting porn (or porn substitutes) is so much harder because it’s just about everywhere and available at my home at any time.

I know that I’m one click away from failure and need to be aware of that voice in the back of my head telling me “Stop torturing yourself, you will relapse sooner or later!”

No, I won’t. Because the short term pleasure will leave me devastated now that I finally reached a decent streak of abstinence and the negative effects of porn held me back way too long. Porn is not an option!

 

[achilles heel]

Day 46

Another weekend ahead, have to get used to these ups and downs and stay focused.

 

[achilles heel]

Day 49

Seven weeks, but it was very close to “Day 0”. Came across an article about a celebrity presenting her own lingerie collection and entered image search - I was able to stop, but I could really feel my brain wanting that pleasure so much.

It’s hard to fight against that other voice in my head telling me that sooner or later I will relapse and that it’s impossible to really be free forever.