Free At Last

A

achilles heel

Respected Member
Thank you very much, guys!

It has been a rough time, but I’m at Day 22

Have to be very careful to not fall back into the old “Start at January 1st”-trap. 30 difficult hours ahead.
 
A

achilles heel

Respected Member
Thank you very much, the_land_before_time, and a happy new year to you and all the other fellow board members!

It’s Day 24

Now it’s too late to have a binge porn session to make a clear cut on January 1st, it’s really ridiculous how often I went on a binge during holidays in the past, but luckily this year I made it without a reset.

2026 will be a decisive year career wise for me, I can’t go back to porn under no circumstances. I’m regularly speaking in front of groups of people and there is a huge difference between myself after a weekend of diving down the abyss of varying porn genres and myself staying away from porn, eating healthy and working out.

It’s important to stay focused this upcoming weekend, it will be difficult for sure.
 
A

achilles heel

Respected Member
Day 0

I got the flu and relapsed, my plan for 2026 of gym and running failed immediately due to having to stay in bed and out of frustration and boredom this weekend I returned to “just a little peek” and full binges.

Now I will keep calm and take this day as my real start into the new year, I have to develop strategies to avoid situations like that. I took my cell phone to bed due to staying in bed the whole weekend and kind of knew the results beforehand. Very frustrating, I need to focus a lot on my goals right now and return to the right path immediately.
 
A

achilles heel

Respected Member
Day 0

It’s difficult to be honest, even at an anonymous board. On the one hand it’s not necessary to lay out all the details as we’re going through the same process of escalating to lots of porn genres and ever more extreme stuff.

On the other hand I guess I need to address this detail as my porn consumption has shifted over the years. Now I am getting more of a high out of talking girls into sending me pics or sending them pics myself. Sexting has always been the key of my addiction. Now it reached a really threatening level as I’m married with a child.

Maybe I didn’t reflect on the severity of my problem, because for a long time it crossed all acceptable borders. And because reflecting on it really makes me feel horrible about myself.

I feel like I’m even using the “I’m addicted, I can’t do anything about it!”-card as an excuse for myself.

Well, I do have a choice and this does have to stop. I’m responsible for my actions. This stops right now.
 
new reality

new reality

Active Member
achilles heel said:
Day 0

I could just quote the above. I’m in search of a bigger high always, we all know the deal. Even more exciting than porn is sexting and “real” interaction. Without going into further detail I reached a point where this is seriously threatening my marriage and family life. My happiness. My energy. My work. Everything I managed to build within the last years.


I’m currently still reading “The Freedom Method” as recommended by @Blondie (thanks a lot for that!) and despite getting the feeling that I’m back in the driver seat and actually do have a choice it’s not that magic trick that changes life from one second to another.

I need and I want to use my restrictions in terms of cell phone use. I need and want to write here on a daily basis to remain accountable.

I can’t change the past and there’s no use in feeling that huge amount of shame and guilt I’m carrying around right now. I can just make this promise to myself to change the present and therefore the future and make the right decisions.

I had a working recipe for the difficult early days I’m going to reinstate:

No cell phone in bedroom and bathroom. There’s absolutely no need for it and I always feel way more productive reading and spending free time with my family. That’s what creates long term happiness.

No screens after 11 pm and before 7 am. Exceptions due to being outside or getting up early to check messages don’t justify mindless browsing or bending the general rule.

Overall cell phone screen time of less than two hours per day on average per week.

I have to pull myself out of the abyss once again, but I’m there because of the choices I’ve made and I can leave because of the choice I make now.
Click to expand...

Try listening to the Freedom Model podcasts.. and keep listening to them. You don't have to do it every day, but listen fairly often. That seemed to work for me eventually!

There may be more efficient ways, but I really feel like something has properly clicked now (it happened seven or so days ago)
 
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