P
prozilla
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achilles heel said:
Admitting these difficulties is like a new beginning for you. Any of those addictions are destructive.
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Admitting these difficulties is like a new beginning for you. Any of those addictions are destructive.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
prozilla said:
It's complicated, because I'm not an alcoholic or gambling addict in terms of repeatedly doing both. But once I drink or gamble I simply don't stop. It's just like my porn consumption, I need a bigger high and keep drinking until I nearly vomit or pass out or keep gambling until I lost the money I brought with me. The main drinking problem consists in my lowered willpower and self discipline afterwards in terms of porn and if breaking free from porn requieres not to drink anymore, I don't have any problem bringing this "sacrifice".
The problem, of course, is my dopamine addiction and it's not easy to accept that I have to stay away from certain things that are damaging to me, while others can moderately enjoy them. But you're absolutely right, that these habits are destructive. I learned from this weekend the hard way.
I'm almost 1 1/2 days clean and reached my first goal to not relapse again. The hardest part was to tell my girlfriend, because our relationship got much better lately and surprisingly gained a new perspective. She is still supportive, but thinks I should get professional help. I basically agree, but I guess that I or most of our community members could tell a psychologist more about our problem than the other way around. Has anyone got any positive experience with treating porn addiction with the help of a psychologist?
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 2: Picking myself back up
Well, relapsing three times in a row didn't happen to me for a long time and it is definitely a set-back. I guess the problem is how it caught me by surprise to relapse to porn after thinking I would have built a barrier against it during the 3 months before. I clearly didn't take the non-nude-edging-session a week earlier serious enough. If I look at the third month I already find several dangerous situations and felt too safe once more. My plan of building new habits as well as reducing Facebook and phone use is in progress now and I will focus on living my life the most satisfying way possible. If I needed any further proof how porn sets me back, this is it.
I'm getting more nervous around people again, my voice isn't as clear as before, I'm still feeling tired (well, the three relapses lasted several hours and ruined my sleep). My happiness wasn't placebo, porn is damaging my life! How could I fall for it again? I know how I always preach to react with love instead of self-hatred, but it's really frustrating I went down that road again. I just think about how I shouldn't have been drinking in first place, but it's too late to complain now. It's going to be a long, hard road again, but I'm willing to do just anything to overcome my addiction. I have to be very careful again and after completing my first goal of not relapsing for 24 hours, I'll extend my goal to one week. It would be great to live a week without porn and I'm sure I'm going to make it.
Well, relapsing three times in a row didn't happen to me for a long time and it is definitely a set-back. I guess the problem is how it caught me by surprise to relapse to porn after thinking I would have built a barrier against it during the 3 months before. I clearly didn't take the non-nude-edging-session a week earlier serious enough. If I look at the third month I already find several dangerous situations and felt too safe once more. My plan of building new habits as well as reducing Facebook and phone use is in progress now and I will focus on living my life the most satisfying way possible. If I needed any further proof how porn sets me back, this is it.
I'm getting more nervous around people again, my voice isn't as clear as before, I'm still feeling tired (well, the three relapses lasted several hours and ruined my sleep). My happiness wasn't placebo, porn is damaging my life! How could I fall for it again? I know how I always preach to react with love instead of self-hatred, but it's really frustrating I went down that road again. I just think about how I shouldn't have been drinking in first place, but it's too late to complain now. It's going to be a long, hard road again, but I'm willing to do just anything to overcome my addiction. I have to be very careful again and after completing my first goal of not relapsing for 24 hours, I'll extend my goal to one week. It would be great to live a week without porn and I'm sure I'm going to make it.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 4: The life I want to live
Before really considering myself an addict and trying to recover, I already had the problem identified to some degree. Even ten years ago, when my PMO sessions escalated more and more, I would sometimes feel so ashamed I'd delete all of my porn and swear to never go back. The next day I would recover the files and start to play tricks on myself, like saving a backup in case I'd delete them again. This addiction somehow feels like schizophrenia.
Three years ago I decided to leave porn behind and since then didn't build a porn folder on my computer again, but still allowed myself porn substitutes, due to not identifying the problem of dopamine addiction behind porn. Ever since sexting became a major problem, because I'd tell myself it was interaction with a real woman and therefore not to be considered pornography.
Well, I stopped counting the times I said "This time I quit for real!" and the latest big relapse really hit me hard. I just entered a depressive state of self-doubts, of thoughts about wasted lifetime, of feeling powerless. How this relapse threw me back again.
All these self-doubts weaken my power to resist, because the addiction is sneaking in, telling me "Look, you'll never be free, just let go and enjoy the high of the moment!". Every second of my life a thought like this might appear and I have to be able to say "No!" which brings me back to one of the most impressive thoughts I'd like to quote:
I have to stress this out to myself, because I realize how I start to think in my day count again, feeling like 4 days is nothing and I'll need to run a month or two at least to consider it a success. But this is wrong. First of all: It's important how I live my life every day, every hour, every second. And everything's better than watching porn. If I spent four days without porn, that's four days won. I'd like to use another quote from jkkk:
I am proud of picking myself up again, of saying "No!" to porn again and again and again. I can't change the past, but I can make decisions and I'll keep saying NO to pornography in all its forms. Even if I have doubts about my life, I know for sure I want to live 100% free from pornography or any artificial substitute and no matter how many times I might fall, I will get back up again.
Before really considering myself an addict and trying to recover, I already had the problem identified to some degree. Even ten years ago, when my PMO sessions escalated more and more, I would sometimes feel so ashamed I'd delete all of my porn and swear to never go back. The next day I would recover the files and start to play tricks on myself, like saving a backup in case I'd delete them again. This addiction somehow feels like schizophrenia.
Three years ago I decided to leave porn behind and since then didn't build a porn folder on my computer again, but still allowed myself porn substitutes, due to not identifying the problem of dopamine addiction behind porn. Ever since sexting became a major problem, because I'd tell myself it was interaction with a real woman and therefore not to be considered pornography.
Well, I stopped counting the times I said "This time I quit for real!" and the latest big relapse really hit me hard. I just entered a depressive state of self-doubts, of thoughts about wasted lifetime, of feeling powerless. How this relapse threw me back again.
All these self-doubts weaken my power to resist, because the addiction is sneaking in, telling me "Look, you'll never be free, just let go and enjoy the high of the moment!". Every second of my life a thought like this might appear and I have to be able to say "No!" which brings me back to one of the most impressive thoughts I'd like to quote:
PeaceOfMind062012 said:
I have to stress this out to myself, because I realize how I start to think in my day count again, feeling like 4 days is nothing and I'll need to run a month or two at least to consider it a success. But this is wrong. First of all: It's important how I live my life every day, every hour, every second. And everything's better than watching porn. If I spent four days without porn, that's four days won. I'd like to use another quote from jkkk:
jkkk said:
I am proud of picking myself up again, of saying "No!" to porn again and again and again. I can't change the past, but I can make decisions and I'll keep saying NO to pornography in all its forms. Even if I have doubts about my life, I know for sure I want to live 100% free from pornography or any artificial substitute and no matter how many times I might fall, I will get back up again.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 0 - Ground Zero
Lots of wise words have been written. I could say "This time I mean it!" to repeat the other day "This time I mean it!". I relapsed again. Yesterday on sexting, today on porn. It's always the same and I've got to question my motivation.
I'm not trying to get rid of this addiction for the sake of getting rid of this addiction, but because I suffer from social anxiety that got seemingly better throughout my best streak of almost 90 days lately. After my latest relapse I noticed how I improved my life and how I didn't fall back to 0. I'm doing my routines, eating healthy, living an overall satisfying life. I didn't even drink, but I relapsed anyway.
Because my addiction managed to sneak in telling me it was possible to live my renewed life while going for the dopamine rush once in a while. I tried to control my addiction again, not excluding sexting and porn subs like I announced.
I do understand the character of this addiction, but somewhere deep inside I left a little door open. I have to understand that I have to overcome this addiction because I'm an addict. Social anxiety is a side effect and not enough motivation to definitely break free. And it shouldn't. The simple fact that something that useless and damaging is controlling me must be motivation enough to fight it with everything I've got. I have to shut the door. Quitting this addiction means never again to look at girls on a screen with the purpose of arousal and to avoid every possible source of a sexual themed dopamine rush. I am ready to do that.
I realize how I relapse while not visiting Rebootnation as often as at the beginning. And I managed to outsmart my web protection due to a weak link within the system. I fixed it, but that's no excuse anyway. I need to get back on track. First goal: No relapse within the next 72 hours, resist the chaser effect this weekend.
Lots of wise words have been written. I could say "This time I mean it!" to repeat the other day "This time I mean it!". I relapsed again. Yesterday on sexting, today on porn. It's always the same and I've got to question my motivation.
I'm not trying to get rid of this addiction for the sake of getting rid of this addiction, but because I suffer from social anxiety that got seemingly better throughout my best streak of almost 90 days lately. After my latest relapse I noticed how I improved my life and how I didn't fall back to 0. I'm doing my routines, eating healthy, living an overall satisfying life. I didn't even drink, but I relapsed anyway.
Because my addiction managed to sneak in telling me it was possible to live my renewed life while going for the dopamine rush once in a while. I tried to control my addiction again, not excluding sexting and porn subs like I announced.
I do understand the character of this addiction, but somewhere deep inside I left a little door open. I have to understand that I have to overcome this addiction because I'm an addict. Social anxiety is a side effect and not enough motivation to definitely break free. And it shouldn't. The simple fact that something that useless and damaging is controlling me must be motivation enough to fight it with everything I've got. I have to shut the door. Quitting this addiction means never again to look at girls on a screen with the purpose of arousal and to avoid every possible source of a sexual themed dopamine rush. I am ready to do that.
I realize how I relapse while not visiting Rebootnation as often as at the beginning. And I managed to outsmart my web protection due to a weak link within the system. I fixed it, but that's no excuse anyway. I need to get back on track. First goal: No relapse within the next 72 hours, resist the chaser effect this weekend.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 1
Kind of hurts and demotivates to write "day 1" again, but that's the pain of regret because I wasn't willing to suffer the pain of discipline. Reading through the board there's lots of journals that just stop and users who disappear. I guess in most cases it's not due to having succeeded and yesterday I got an idea how they might feel. I decided to start the whole journey again and go through hell and back. I can't tell why I'm going to succeed this time. I can't tell if. There is just this promise to get back up again and never give up. I must and will overcome this addiction.
Kind of hurts and demotivates to write "day 1" again, but that's the pain of regret because I wasn't willing to suffer the pain of discipline. Reading through the board there's lots of journals that just stop and users who disappear. I guess in most cases it's not due to having succeeded and yesterday I got an idea how they might feel. I decided to start the whole journey again and go through hell and back. I can't tell why I'm going to succeed this time. I can't tell if. There is just this promise to get back up again and never give up. I must and will overcome this addiction.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 2
Doing good so far, keeping myself busy. Nothing much to say, despite maybe that I'm building a reading habit again. Read two books within the last three weeks and little by little increase my attention span. Not all progress was lost during my relapses and it's up to me to move forward.
Doing good so far, keeping myself busy. Nothing much to say, despite maybe that I'm building a reading habit again. Read two books within the last three weeks and little by little increase my attention span. Not all progress was lost during my relapses and it's up to me to move forward.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 3
I had two very productive days and will add another one today, reaching my first partial goal tomorrow. Good luck to everyone else out there, we can do it!
I had two very productive days and will add another one today, reaching my first partial goal tomorrow. Good luck to everyone else out there, we can do it!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 4
I reached my first intermediate goal to not relapse again within the first 72 hours. My next goal is to extend this to a whole week.
I'll do my best! I feel like recovering easier with every longer streak of abstinence. My last streak of 88 days was really healing and the life I lived and the progress I made aren't undone because I watched porn again. The amount of porn I watched in the last 4 months was what I watched within a single week three years ago. I have to remind myself of where I come from and how a step back just means I have to take two steps forward. All the best for you on your journey too!
I reached my first intermediate goal to not relapse again within the first 72 hours. My next goal is to extend this to a whole week.
dynamo said:
I'll do my best! I feel like recovering easier with every longer streak of abstinence. My last streak of 88 days was really healing and the life I lived and the progress I made aren't undone because I watched porn again. The amount of porn I watched in the last 4 months was what I watched within a single week three years ago. I have to remind myself of where I come from and how a step back just means I have to take two steps forward. All the best for you on your journey too!
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 5
Five days complete. Building habits works despite recent relapses, just finished my third book this month. I haven't read three books the whole year so far. And even if I'm extremely busy I do a little workout every day. My Facebook use decreased a lot ultimately. I think I'm on a good way, but know that I have to be very aware due to having reactivated the "bad" pathways of my addicted brain.
Five days complete. Building habits works despite recent relapses, just finished my third book this month. I haven't read three books the whole year so far. And even if I'm extremely busy I do a little workout every day. My Facebook use decreased a lot ultimately. I think I'm on a good way, but know that I have to be very aware due to having reactivated the "bad" pathways of my addicted brain.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 6
Things are going well, one more day to reach the intermediate goal.
Things are going well, one more day to reach the intermediate goal.
Rahhh dude come on lets go!!you are on your way !! lets do it. I'm day 3 and will read some books (thanks for the idea, i haven't think about that beofre) moreover reading book, a worthwile activity, give you self worth which is crucial in a
BTW, i totally relate to what you say here :
After my latest relapse I noticed how I improved my life and how I didn't fall back to 0. I'm doing my routines, eating healthy, living an overall satisfying life. I didn't even drink, but I relapsed anyway.
Because my addiction managed to sneak in telling me it was possible to live my renewed life while going for the dopamine rush once in a while. I tried to control my addiction again, not excluding sexting and porn subs like I announced.
I do understand the character of this addiction, but somewhere deep inside I left a little door open. I have to understand that I have to overcome this addiction because I'm an addict. Social anxiety is a side effect and not enough motivation to definitely break free. And it shouldn't. The simple fact that something that useless and damaging is controlling me must be motivation enough to fight it with everything I've got. I have to shut the door. Quitting this addiction means never again to look at girls on a screen with the purpose of arousal and to avoid every possible source of a sexual themed dopamine rush. I am ready to do that.
after my first relapse, I was OK (it was like after 5-6 month) and my mind notice how I did not go back to my old darkness, I was pretty fine. And more relapse happened and other streak (2-3 months) happened. But I still relapsed because the consequences where not 'that bad' not 'that dramactic', I was bad and down but it was not the end of the world ; few mont later it spread to food, indulging to binge eating more and more often until becoming almost bulimic. Dopamine addict yes, me too. When you hit rock bottom failure is not an option, but when you go out of the darkness and start to get better and you realize that a relapse won't destroy all your effort, you start to indulge and be less careful, you let the door open. Until now when you (and me) realize how much we have slipped and how, despite how hard we try to convince ourselves that we are fine, that this is no big deal, we are still in jail and not free from addiction.
Before we were at the bottom, now we are in the middle, going down sometime then going back to the middle ; the things is we have to definitely free ourselves from that, from addiction, and going to the top.
There is a really powerful report from a nofap guy about addiction : "you are a humain being not an addict". Check this out, really inspiring.
Courage Bro, stay strong !
BTW, i totally relate to what you say here :
After my latest relapse I noticed how I improved my life and how I didn't fall back to 0. I'm doing my routines, eating healthy, living an overall satisfying life. I didn't even drink, but I relapsed anyway.
Because my addiction managed to sneak in telling me it was possible to live my renewed life while going for the dopamine rush once in a while. I tried to control my addiction again, not excluding sexting and porn subs like I announced.
I do understand the character of this addiction, but somewhere deep inside I left a little door open. I have to understand that I have to overcome this addiction because I'm an addict. Social anxiety is a side effect and not enough motivation to definitely break free. And it shouldn't. The simple fact that something that useless and damaging is controlling me must be motivation enough to fight it with everything I've got. I have to shut the door. Quitting this addiction means never again to look at girls on a screen with the purpose of arousal and to avoid every possible source of a sexual themed dopamine rush. I am ready to do that.
after my first relapse, I was OK (it was like after 5-6 month) and my mind notice how I did not go back to my old darkness, I was pretty fine. And more relapse happened and other streak (2-3 months) happened. But I still relapsed because the consequences where not 'that bad' not 'that dramactic', I was bad and down but it was not the end of the world ; few mont later it spread to food, indulging to binge eating more and more often until becoming almost bulimic. Dopamine addict yes, me too. When you hit rock bottom failure is not an option, but when you go out of the darkness and start to get better and you realize that a relapse won't destroy all your effort, you start to indulge and be less careful, you let the door open. Until now when you (and me) realize how much we have slipped and how, despite how hard we try to convince ourselves that we are fine, that this is no big deal, we are still in jail and not free from addiction.
Before we were at the bottom, now we are in the middle, going down sometime then going back to the middle ; the things is we have to definitely free ourselves from that, from addiction, and going to the top.
There is a really powerful report from a nofap guy about addiction : "you are a humain being not an addict". Check this out, really inspiring.
Courage Bro, stay strong !
Hey achilles,
Keep getting back. Keep getting back, bro
This time you're going through. Maybe you need it. Maybe you need to understand you're powerless. Maybe you got to feel how strong the addiction is and how you will never be able to negotiate with it. It seems we all can't get enough lessons in humility.
On a technical (or spiritual?) side - I posted a video in my last entry. Maybe you'll like it?
J.
Keep getting back. Keep getting back, bro
This time you're going through. Maybe you need it. Maybe you need to understand you're powerless. Maybe you got to feel how strong the addiction is and how you will never be able to negotiate with it. It seems we all can't get enough lessons in humility.
On a technical (or spiritual?) side - I posted a video in my last entry. Maybe you'll like it?
J.
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 7
A week has passed since my last relapse. I'm very proud of this achievement and will do my best to make it 10 days, not relapsing this weekend.
Thanks a lot for your replies, guys! Don't find the time now to answer in detail, but will do so as soon as possible!
A week has passed since my last relapse. I'm very proud of this achievement and will do my best to make it 10 days, not relapsing this weekend.
Thanks a lot for your replies, guys! Don't find the time now to answer in detail, but will do so as soon as possible!
nicely done bro, GG ! one week ! keep going, stay strong. you won't relapse this weekend ; why would you ? we (and I) are waiting your badass and life changing report. do your future self a favor by staying strong, you can do it. remember, addiction is a choice (lets be real we have absolute control on ALL our action, on ALL our behaviours -exept mental ilnesses where fuck you body moves by itself ; you have chosen to fap on porn like I did ; you have chosen to give in to immediate pleasure instead of delayed gratification, like I did (so many times). But the choice is ours.
so decide to not relapse and you won't ; when the urge come, don't think about whether or not you will manage to resist it ; either you choose to resist either you choose to give in; in any case its your choice. Easier said than done, I know, but at the end of the day, its all about choice.
I really hope you had the time to read the report I talks about in my previous post, really powerful.
about addictive personality, I guess you might have a LOT of energy and your addictive activities are a way to release that excess energy (addictive personnality are usually individuals with abondance of creative energy ; energy got to find an outlet (i'm myself addictive, I know about this, its a day to day struggle sometimes, to not always go to the extremes ahah).
Some advice that may help you :
-sport is key, absolutely key to channel your energy (espcially when on nofap when the energy is greater)
-creative activities (writing drawing painting, singing, music , solving problems i don't know - and still don't know for me, i tried many thing but did not find my creative outlet, i know i need it)
-being aware of the energy aspect of the addiction and the necessity to put all that creative energy to positive and constructive ends
-using your addictive energy to go all in on positive subjects, see it as a blessing not a curse ; if you are passionated by something, bam, go ALL IN in it, all in, with all that energy and then go to another subject ; you, I think, may have a great capacity to focus (read 'get obsessed' by something) lets that something be something that brings you joy and positivity in your life.
courage and faith bro ; hold on the best is yet to come.
I count on you this weekend to stay strong, and to see your victory post of 10 days ! i'm waiting for it!
you can count on me to give my best to my weekend to
peace bro, let us give a full shot to succeed and have the live we want and deserve ! lets gooo
-
so decide to not relapse and you won't ; when the urge come, don't think about whether or not you will manage to resist it ; either you choose to resist either you choose to give in; in any case its your choice. Easier said than done, I know, but at the end of the day, its all about choice.
I really hope you had the time to read the report I talks about in my previous post, really powerful.
about addictive personality, I guess you might have a LOT of energy and your addictive activities are a way to release that excess energy (addictive personnality are usually individuals with abondance of creative energy ; energy got to find an outlet (i'm myself addictive, I know about this, its a day to day struggle sometimes, to not always go to the extremes ahah).
Some advice that may help you :
-sport is key, absolutely key to channel your energy (espcially when on nofap when the energy is greater)
-creative activities (writing drawing painting, singing, music , solving problems i don't know - and still don't know for me, i tried many thing but did not find my creative outlet, i know i need it)
-being aware of the energy aspect of the addiction and the necessity to put all that creative energy to positive and constructive ends
-using your addictive energy to go all in on positive subjects, see it as a blessing not a curse ; if you are passionated by something, bam, go ALL IN in it, all in, with all that energy and then go to another subject ; you, I think, may have a great capacity to focus (read 'get obsessed' by something) lets that something be something that brings you joy and positivity in your life.
courage and faith bro ; hold on the best is yet to come.
I count on you this weekend to stay strong, and to see your victory post of 10 days ! i'm waiting for it!
you can count on me to give my best to my weekend to
peace bro, let us give a full shot to succeed and have the live we want and deserve ! lets gooo
-
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
That was a great post! Really positive advice about addictive personalities- that it is possible to channel our energy into more creative positive areas!! For me it's music? let the music flow!!!
-Peace
-Peace
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 8
Just the daily update that I'm still doing well.
Not yet, as I said, I will take my time this weekend and read through that and your journal in detail. But thanks a lot yet for your inspiring replies, it means a lot to me!
Just the daily update that I'm still doing well.
Theself said:
Not yet, as I said, I will take my time this weekend and read through that and your journal in detail. But thanks a lot yet for your inspiring replies, it means a lot to me!
hope everything fine bro
indeed the weekend gives more place to boredom but we got to stay strong, it's in those moments, facing urges, difficult emotions and not giving in and giving up that we build our character. What we are to be we are now becoming
lets be champions guys (we are already champ by doing this challenge, not everyone would even consider that ahah)
one advice :the importance of music or whatever that can motivate you and distract you from any negative talk in your mind. you know, after the party/work or whatever when you come back at home, the road back is long and its dark outside and you hear addiction speaking to you. bro, here a good music, a good pump up speech in you ear with your headphone can just save your life ahah (almost relapse because of it ; a good rap put me in a good vibe, and after i was like" whoooo bro, watch yourself, be careful with your mind, your dark side knows not rest and want to destroy you, don't let him the opportunity". so here i am, day 5 and had i not listen to my music would have been day 0 with absolutely horrible consequence for today -as you know addiction lives in the present and don't care about responsability or your schedule ahah)
see ya bro !
indeed the weekend gives more place to boredom but we got to stay strong, it's in those moments, facing urges, difficult emotions and not giving in and giving up that we build our character. What we are to be we are now becoming
lets be champions guys (we are already champ by doing this challenge, not everyone would even consider that ahah)
one advice :the importance of music or whatever that can motivate you and distract you from any negative talk in your mind. you know, after the party/work or whatever when you come back at home, the road back is long and its dark outside and you hear addiction speaking to you. bro, here a good music, a good pump up speech in you ear with your headphone can just save your life ahah (almost relapse because of it ; a good rap put me in a good vibe, and after i was like" whoooo bro, watch yourself, be careful with your mind, your dark side knows not rest and want to destroy you, don't let him the opportunity". so here i am, day 5 and had i not listen to my music would have been day 0 with absolutely horrible consequence for today -as you know addiction lives in the present and don't care about responsability or your schedule ahah)
see ya bro !
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Day 9
Saturdays are always dangerous, but instead of relapsing I discovered two new music albums and finished the last 150+ pages of the current book, making it four books I've read in july. During my progress of longer lasting streaks I managed to increase my attention span. One of the biggest sacrifices of my porn life was cultural life. The nights in front of my computer led to intellectual degeneration. There are so many books I want to read, so many albums I want to listen to and so many movies I want to watch. If I ever say I'm bored, I'm just lying to myself. I started forcing myself to read at least 10 pages every day. No exception, no excuses. In fact I'm reading about 50 pages a day at the moment and it helps a lot to keep urges away, because my mind is busy.
To pick up your thoughts, Theself, I agree on many things you mentioned. Doing sports is a very important key to me, too. I am also able to put in lots of energy in (creative) projects, but I realize how there are some self destructive pathways within me that can turn the energy against the project they just built. I have to identify this force of self destruct that's in my way.
I read that and I'm not ready to fully identify who I am, where I am going and what I want in life. It is indeed a very motivational text, but the author is 19 and by that time I was also sure about lots of things I am questioning now. Life isn't a straight line, our views and goals vary. I just know that I want to get rid of this addiction and that there's a little door I left open. I have to find the key to shut it down and your theory definitely has got to do with it.
I forget about how I suffer from a relapse once I reach two months clean. I just don't care enough anymore, because my state of mind went back to the "middle" how you call it and I'm taking motivation from hitting rock bottom. As soon as I leave rock bottom, this motivation starts fading.
But lets face it: We're all just motivated to quit porn because we hit rock bottom in whatever way. In my case it was severe social anxiety (that got a lot better yet after three years of various clean streaks), in most user's cases it's PIED. We're here because something's wrong and as soon as this wrong got more or less fixed, we tend to feel normal again and forget about what caused us to feel bad and how bad we felt at all.
Porn gave us a good feeling for far too long. And it's sneaking in telling us "You are now feeling good, but imagine how great you would feel with just a little dose of..." and there we are again.
I will continue this. And I didn't forget about you either, jkkk. But I have to hit the gym for a longer session, because I sinned in terms of nutrition on my lazy saturday full of reading and music so far
A wonderful weekend to all of you out there!
Saturdays are always dangerous, but instead of relapsing I discovered two new music albums and finished the last 150+ pages of the current book, making it four books I've read in july. During my progress of longer lasting streaks I managed to increase my attention span. One of the biggest sacrifices of my porn life was cultural life. The nights in front of my computer led to intellectual degeneration. There are so many books I want to read, so many albums I want to listen to and so many movies I want to watch. If I ever say I'm bored, I'm just lying to myself. I started forcing myself to read at least 10 pages every day. No exception, no excuses. In fact I'm reading about 50 pages a day at the moment and it helps a lot to keep urges away, because my mind is busy.
To pick up your thoughts, Theself, I agree on many things you mentioned. Doing sports is a very important key to me, too. I am also able to put in lots of energy in (creative) projects, but I realize how there are some self destructive pathways within me that can turn the energy against the project they just built. I have to identify this force of self destruct that's in my way.
Theself said:
I read that and I'm not ready to fully identify who I am, where I am going and what I want in life. It is indeed a very motivational text, but the author is 19 and by that time I was also sure about lots of things I am questioning now. Life isn't a straight line, our views and goals vary. I just know that I want to get rid of this addiction and that there's a little door I left open. I have to find the key to shut it down and your theory definitely has got to do with it.
I forget about how I suffer from a relapse once I reach two months clean. I just don't care enough anymore, because my state of mind went back to the "middle" how you call it and I'm taking motivation from hitting rock bottom. As soon as I leave rock bottom, this motivation starts fading.
But lets face it: We're all just motivated to quit porn because we hit rock bottom in whatever way. In my case it was severe social anxiety (that got a lot better yet after three years of various clean streaks), in most user's cases it's PIED. We're here because something's wrong and as soon as this wrong got more or less fixed, we tend to feel normal again and forget about what caused us to feel bad and how bad we felt at all.
Porn gave us a good feeling for far too long. And it's sneaking in telling us "You are now feeling good, but imagine how great you would feel with just a little dose of..." and there we are again.
I will continue this. And I didn't forget about you either, jkkk. But I have to hit the gym for a longer session, because I sinned in terms of nutrition on my lazy saturday full of reading and music so far
A wonderful weekend to all of you out there!