Free At Last

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 1

Well, yesterday was another 'day 0' and I realized already during the binge that there is no benefit whatsoever to this stupid addiction and I really need to leave this behind. Nothing new, as this new beginning isn't anything new either, but after a long time I feel the need to really change.

I can't go a week clean anymore lately despite my personal life being better than ever. While I will talk about this later, my first goal is to make it through the weekend without relapsing.
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 7

Made it a week clean, have been very busy so far - going back to counting days and writing here will surely help me go through the toughest part which is upcoming.
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 0

Lately it's impossible for me to go longer than a week and I stopped writing because I felt a setback to my early days: I am back to the point where I tried to overcome this on pure willpower and feel guilty afterwards every time I get triggered by something as simple as a lingerie ad.

It's necessary to work with restrictions again to keep myself off the phone, that's the only way that worked for me, I've written it down hundreds of times on here, but still I keep telling myself to take the easy way out.

After six years on here with a maximum of 100 days clean I have to ask myself what's the difference to the hundreds of failed intents before. I am convinced to manage it this time, because three important things are different now.

First of all I am in a serious relationship after many years of having "friends with benefits" and feeling lonely and somewhat empty emotionally.

Second: I am almost two years clean from drugs as my frequent cocaine use often led to returning to porn during the depressive aftermath. I am much more stable emotionally without this poison.

And third: I "found" religion and finally feel like heaving a stable moral compass and values to hold on to in my life. As I have been a convinced atheist myself for many of my younger years I won't emphasize this aspect on my further path of recovery to not sound like a missionary, but it is an important aspect for myself as it helped me coping with the losses of loved ones.

Despite now being 35 I never really felt like a grownup, but looking at the changes in my life I feel like this very day is the turning point. I already achieved a lot in my life and the last obstacle is this porn addiction that I will leave behind from this very moment on.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Keep fighting king! It's merely another step in the marathon. EVERYBODY can get better, hopefully your newfound belief in God will grant you some divine power!
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Day 1

Fell back heavily, it's hard to even stay away a week. Yesterday was another day 0 but so far I managed to complete the first 24 hours and a little more. Have to take this step by step and take this addiction as serious as possible.
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
Day 1

Fell back heavily, it's hard to even stay away a week. Yesterday was another day 0 but so far I managed to complete the first 24 hours and a little more. Have to take this step by step and take this addiction as serious as possible.
Glad to see you back. Can't get to forever without a day 1. You can do this.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Day 1

Fell back heavily, it's hard to even stay away a week. Yesterday was another day 0 but so far I managed to complete the first 24 hours and a little more. Have to take this step by step and take this addiction as serious as possible.
Glad you're back man! It's all about dealing with your triggers. When you spot them coming you can counteract them!
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
It is day 0 again and while I tried everything to succeed, even a new thread in the other age section (as I am 36 by now), yet I am back at the start.

Friday should have opened my eyes because just by a miracle I avoided an accident that would have killed me. I have problems sleeping due to that and - went back to porn as distraction and relief.

Instead of reliving fear and falling back into my old habits, I will be thankful for my second chance and start my life again. This journal of hundreds of failures needs a success story and it is starting now.
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Well, five days clean is already a little success considering my latest struggle - I will have to be careful this weekend, but step by step I feel ready to leave my addiction behind. Haven't felt that motivated and convinced to quit in years!
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Today is day 16 and I am still doing well, very motivated and dedicated to advance even further. From my experience the hardest days are around week 3/4 and I have to be prepared, but it's already a success to make it past two weeks.
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Thank you very much for your support, guys! As I started this journal 7 years ago and failed hundreds of times I do not only owe myself to succeed but also owe it to this community to give hope that quitting is possible. I just completed 19 days and face a difficult weekend, but so far I’m doing better than ever and am dedicated to push through the next days!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Thank you very much for your support, guys! As I started this journal 7 years ago and failed hundreds of times I do not only owe myself to succeed but also owe it to this community to give hope that quitting is possible. I just completed 19 days and face a difficult weekend, but so far I’m doing better than ever and am dedicated to push through the next days!
Congrats on almost 20 days! Sending good vibes and strength
Cheers man!
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Once again: Thank you very much for the support!

I’m a few hours away from completing the third week - there are strong urges this weekend, but I am keeping myself very busy.

Three weeks might not sound much yet, but since 2020 I didn’t make it three weeks without any P or substitutes.

It feels like the right mix of organizing my life again, being disciplined about new habits and have lots of dedication to quit forever - I am convinced that quitting is possible and that I will finally succeed!
 
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