Fallen after 120 days. I am hooked again. But at times I think "so what"!!

Andy

Member
I'm 33 male, and in a relationship. After about 120 days of not looking at porn or masturbating I am hooked again. I read somewhere that women especially love reading literotica and so I thought it can't be that bad, maybe I am being too hard on myself. I thought "hey it's just erotic stories it's not really porn". I read literotica for about a week and after that I was back on the porn, I have been addicted for the last couple of weeks. But you know what , what difference does it make anyway?!! When I was not looking at porn or masturbating I was only having sex with my girlfriend, but all I was thinking about was porn when I was doing it. What is the point in not looking at porn if you are just thinking about it when you are having sex with your partner! Now I need to make a decision on whether to quit again but really I am thinking what is the point. I can't forget what I have seen and what now turns me on!! Honestly, if I could reset my whole brain to completely forget what I have seen, i really would...but I cannot do that, and now I have all these sexual desires that won't go away. At the end of the day I can go without porn, I did it for four months, but I didn't feel any happier or any more fullfilled, and I still suffer with depression (I was hoping it was linked to porn addiction). It feels like the only time I feel alive is when I look at porn....or maybe that is just me being high on the porn drug. All I am saying is after 4 months of no porn, nothing felt different. Instead of me looking at it, I was just replaying it in my mind whilst I was having sex. I was having alot more sex with my gf during the four months, but what is the point if I am just using her as a masturbatory device....it's wrong!! Now i'm back on porn I am hardly interested in sex with my gf at all, but again, what is the point in having sex if my mind is elsewhere. If anyone out there knows anything or can give me any advice on how to move on, please, I am alll ears.
 

vitam

Member
Hey man,

I think you need to find something else to occupy your brain.  You will never rid yourself of porn if you are just daydreaming about scenes you have seen in the past.  You have to learn to control your thoughts.

Tell us more about your motivation.  If you are justifying things (telling yourself literotica is not porn.... fantasizing is OK) then I would be concerned that your motivation to change is not strong enough.

I would define porn as anything that is stimulating you - getting the dopamine going.  That would include erotic stories, proactive daydreaming about previously viewed images, ogling girls at the gym, and anything else that you read, view, touch, taste, or smell that gets those juices going.  In other words, porn is defined based on its affect on you, and what is porn for you may not be for someone else.

Try to dig deep and really get the proper motivation.  You don't want this in your life - you wouldn't be here otherwise.  So commit, 100%.
 

gotet

Member
Come on brah! You can do it brah! You don?t need that fucking shit brah! We are ALL going to make it brah! I?m going for it to now brah! Don?t give up brah!
 
I can relate to that. I had a complete 90 day reboot (I just got bored and quit by my own, didn't know about any of the online help back then) in the summer of 2011 and life was all good for a while. I fallen for the prone again when I couldn't go out with a girl, I am just way too shy to approach a girl and ask her out. It took me 3 years before I could just think about to reboot. I am 21 days into now and hoping for a 365 days challenge. So stay strong, try to stop again. And believe in yourself, you have done 120 days before and I believe you can spend rest of your life without it.
 

gotet

Member
How is it going for you brah! Are you feeling strong brah? Don?t grow stronger...... BECOME strength brah!!
 

Bibbity

Active Member
You simply did not give it up long enough.  The porn brain takes a while to change and you indulged in fantasy with your partner so you kept the porn pathways strong...maybe not as strong as with porn but fantasy about porn during sex can be just as bad.  If you do decide to give it up, do it right this time.

If you don't want to give up porn and it's all you have going for you then my advice would be to tell your gf about it so she knows what's going on. 
 

macondo

Member
No offense, but this seems like the blind leading the blind. If you're ADDICTED to porn, your brain never really reprograms itself. That's the point of an addiction. I had a relapse also, and now I'm trying to reboot again, so I know what you're going through. But I do recognize the negative affects of the addiction versus not watching porn. When I'm with my partner, I see porn images in my head, sometimes I have unrealistic exceptions and I can have erectile issues sometimes. Granted when I was rebooting, I went through some of these issues as well, though I saw a lot of positive effects.

I don't think being addicted to porn and constantly watching porn can be good for you at all though, and good luck on your reboot, I'm there also.
 
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