Porn filter does help, however I lack motivation and will power. Reset again!

zaraki888

Active Member
Hello dudes!

After my last post 120 days ago, unfortunate I wasn't able to control myself. The porn filter works but I lack motivation and will power and felt in depression. When I try to search a hot picture or find a bypass just to test myself out, I already lost the battle. This post is to reset myself again and start over.

I will do what I did before. Block everything with porn filters. Then first reach seven days PMO free. Then 12 days. When I reach that, I will go for two weeks. After two weeks, my will power will be stronger to reach 21 days. And when I finally reach 21 days, I feel it will be much easier to hit 30 days. When I hit 30 days, I feel I can do 2 months like I did before. It is important at that time to completely forget about PMO or rebootnation.org. Or I might lose myself again when reaching 90 days, as this is just an illusion in my mind. According to research, if you can hold yourself 30 days from an addicion, you will be able to control yourself for 6 month. So believe you can, and you are half way!

In about a week it will be my birthday. I want to get this shit done once and for all because guys, you have to understand that you can only choose one or the other as an addict I believe.
And you can achieve anything if you really got motivation like pursuing your dreams and succes in life. A real women who loves you too, hold her, kiss her and you have your way with her, or you choose just a freaken screen which hold you back in life. Forget about bulshitting yourself that you will never be able to get a women who she is a 10 to you. You will get one if you just focus on getting better. I have done it before, meeting one, which I did not expected at all, so can you! I just wasn't ready yet and still had an addiction so I messed it up.
The decision is yours!

Have a nice day!

 
Hey my man, I just installed a filter myself. First time using one, but I think it'll be a good safeguard against momentary slips, and the ever-dangerous, "Oh, I'll just check out one or two pictures." If nothing else, it'll be another tool in the toolbag. I think you're right on the money with your last paragraph too, and speaks to internet / screen addiction in general. Its always important to remember to get off your ass and actually go live life.

Cheers man, best of luck.
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Great you installed a filter! My advice is, you have to give the password to someone you know and tell them not to give it to you. Otherwise you will just be able to turn the filter off anytime.

I made a post where I explained in detail how to successfully install filters and how to prevent bypassing it. The down side of filters is the urge to try to test the filter out and when you do find a bypass, a person more likely get a relapse because of urges. So for me I had to install my pc into hard mode, which means I'm not able to watch any video or search images. I am crazy addicted, so I have to. I even blocked wikipedia and all search engines except for www.k9safesearch.com. Only for school I have to sometimes ask the password and unblock youtube. Unfortunate I get stuck in the habit of relapsing watching youtube video's these days. I have to figure out something else to prevent that too.
Let me know how it works for you and good luck!

 

Hablablos

Active Member
Hello Zaraki,

first of all congratulation for besting me. But I would like to ask you, who do you want to be become as a person? And how it's going with your habits?
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Hello Hablablos!

Great to hear from you again!
It looks like my habits hasn't changed much. When I get the chance to watch some nudity, I will take that opportunity to test out and then I relapse. I'm still stuck with I think it's called analysis paralysis and fear of not getting my degree or being good enough. I just don't do things I know I have to do or want to do. I got stuck.

I think I can't answer that question who I want to become as a person. Do you mean like, I would like to become an
alpha Male, someone who gets things done, help others with less fortune, curing diseases, become a leader?
 

zaraki888

Active Member
I can't believe I masturbated like crazy these days man!

After a relapse today, I deleted the password again. Unfortunate I forgot to block youtube again and when I realised I was able to go there without a password, I got back to watching women. I was afraid to relapse again. I realised I was angry about myself for forgetting things.

It looks like I have really no control and I have to stop watching youtube, until I have become stronger. From now on I will not unlock youtube. I will go to the library when I need to watch video's for school or to relax.

 

Hablablos

Active Member
I think I can't answer that question who I want to become as a person. Do you mean like, I would like to become an
alpha Male, someone who gets things done, help others with less fortune, curing diseases, become a leader?

Or why not all of them? But for the start let's try something simple. Like believing in yourself, being confident about your abilities and knowing that you can and will beat this addiction. How does that sounds?
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Thanks Hablablos! That sounds great to me to try something simple :) I wanted too much at the same time, and when I failed, I relapse because of disappointment and not being happy I think.
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Today I just relapsed again but without watching P or any substitute. I was studying and I realized I wasn't getting any progress but lost lot's of time. My mind was wandering again, I was disappointed again and I was thinking back when I met a women and we gaze in each others eyes for at least 6 seconds without talking to each other and smiling.
It was (maybe literally) mind blowing as if I felt we had sex but without the kissing and touching ::). But of course I wasnt thinking about sex back then. Just crazy, I have never experienced something like that before I think. The only feeling I had with a girl almost similar like this, was when I was 7 years old! I think I have been in coma since then :p

So guys if you have never experienced this kind of feeling before, you should experience this yourself and stop this mad addiction which ruin the real pleasure you can get when you gained your confidence and self respect back.

I red somewhere it is a rare occasion when you meet a women and you got such a strong connection from the beginning. Don't let this opportunity slip away like I did. Educate yourself on how to learn to understand women but first get your things together before even trying. In the meantime, just do cold approaches so you learn to get used to talking to women or anyone else, doesn't matter who.

So I was thinking about this women and I was searching on the internet about the power of gazing into each others eyes. After reading this I got a sexual feeling rising up, feeling lost and alone I went to the bathroom and well you guess what happened there. I forgot I have to keep an eye on my mind and thoughts and when sexual feelings arises, I have to just observe them and visualize blowing (haha blowing) these thoughts out of me, like I did before.

I lost myself again. 4 months I was thinking about her how to get her attention back and I stopped updating my counter and went back to PMO. Be carefull with a broken heart. Never give your heart away that easily.

Good luck and stay tuned.
 
B

Baabadi

Guest
ummm guys i'm pretty new around here, can someone please tell me more about these filters or anyway i can get em. thanks in advance..
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Baabadi said:
ummm guys i'm pretty new around here, can someone please tell me more about these filters or anyway i can get em. thanks in advance..


Hello Baabadi, I will respond to you on my journal and on yours so everyone who is reading this can learn from it.

Click on the following link and read Hablablos?s way to recovery 11 steps, to understand how to get rid of addiction succesfully. Filters do work but you have to first understand the root cause of addiction if u wanna heal yourself completely.
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=5986.msg70959#msg70959


To know how to install filters and prevent bypassing it, go to this link and follow the instructions:
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=6682.msg72882#msg72882


Filters only work if you give the password to somebody else and tell them not to give it to you!

Tip 1 Make sure to use only 1 password for all your filters on your pc, notebook, tablet, mobile phone or any other device, use the same password to create a new email account for verification. Why? Because you will need the password when you want to add a link on the block list and u don't want to get confused with several passwords.

Tip 2 For a password I prefer to use a number with at least 8 digits like 14254657, because this will give me a quick way of loggin in, putting the site on the block list, and then get the hell out ta here! Do not spend more than 10 minutes logging in, or you might get back into temptation. 8 digits will help you prevent remembering the number.

Tip 3 Use two porn filters for maximum protection like K9 and Qustodio. When you use two porn filters, make sure to create two separate passwords and only use these two passwords for all you filters on your devices you may use. (however, qustodio only provides 1 free account)

When you do need to log in and put a link on the blocklist, then you are still protected because of the second filter. So when you give your two passwords away to a friend like via WhatsApp, tell him/her to only give one password when you need it. When you are finished, delete the password via WhatsApp.

Let me know if it works ;) Have a nice day!
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Hello brothers!

I need to study now so I use stayfocusd at the moment and I got 2 minutes remaining to respond on this website ;) I even got addicted to many other things on the internet which isn't P. Like watching toys :eek: and reading movie reviews. That's my other problem.

It looks like my addiction has moved to other things on the internet.
 

Slaym87

Member
Hi Zaraki,

I know your problem very good! me too sometimes I get lost watching videos on youtube and its really harming the concentration.
An advice I can give you when you study don't use your PC. print all the documents you need and fix like 60 min of studying time without any distraction (maybe some music, but no PC!) in the beginning it will be hard, but when you get used to it, you will not regret it.

peace
Slaym
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Today is my birthday!

Yesterday I had a massage class and I massaged a beautiful women. I was afraid to get an erection because we practice on each other. It was nice to know I was able to hold myself professionally. I wanted to give respect to her because she was the one who agreed to practice on each other, so I did my best to not let any feeling of pleasure skip. I was surprised I actually succeeded!
I won this battle!

I was visiting my family and stayed at night. I was watching tv and it was 1 o'clock at night. I new I could watch some nice erotic material on tv, but I didn't do it! Battle 2 won!

There was a moment when I lay in bed the following day in the morning and I wanted to think about the massage, but I stopped thinking about it, as I have mentioned before. Stop these feelings as soon as possible. Once it is in your mind, you will get a hard time getting rid of it. I only have a few seconds to stop myself so it must stop right now. Battle 3 one!

Today in the morning I sat behind my parents computer. They don't have a filter anymore. I was watching youtube video's and the thought of watching nudity pops up in my mind. Actually I can watch anything I want and I almost was tempted to take a peek. Then I told myself, one peek and you will never beat this shit ever again! I thought about the consequence what would happen if I do this and then I thought about the women I really like and I will never get a change if I keep doing what I have always done.

I didn't peek or had any thought and this was Battle 4 won!

I won this battle, but there is still a war going on!
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Yesterday on 3 May I had to study and almost relapsed. (triggers, don't do this)

I was sitting behind the desk at home and couldn't concentrate. I realized I was getting irritated and felt I wanted to stroke it. As if I wanted to bring the energy from my head down to my body again. I knew I shouldn't touch myself. One stroke and it is over for me, as this happened many times before. I did push ups and the feeling got away. But it kept coming back until I did stroke myself eventually. I went to bed and masturbated without fantasizing and I realized I didn't wanted to ejaculate. So instead I was thinking, hey if I ever going to have real sex, wouldn't it be nice to hold on as long as possible? So instead I hold it for 21 minutes and then somehow the urge to ejaculate passed away. I figured out during masturbation, by using my breath fast and deep, and muscle contraction (tightening muscles in that area), I was able to become more aware of the point of no return. The masturbation didn't even feel great, like it didn't matter for me anymore. I stopped touching myself and I didn't ejaculated. I just stopped without fighting the urge. It was like as the quote ''fighting without fighting''.  I was able to do something I wasn't able to do for many years so I had to write this down for myself.

Of course, don't do this or try this out! I just escaped a relapse. I'm not going to fall back into mind tricks.

I don't know If I have to reset my counter for just masturbating?

I did something wrond  :eek:, I accidently deleted my PMO counter...
 

Hablablos

Active Member
I don't know If I have to reset my counter for just masturbating?

It's hard to tell. You must decide if you take the hard mode approach, which means reseting even after masturbation or leave it be. These days I prefer the approach that if you have a terrible urge, then masturbate. But don't use porn for it or a fantasy. Just focus on the pleasure alone. You need to accept you are sexual person and this belongs to it as well. I think it is better to masturbate from time to time without porn than risk another serious relapse with porn.

I know that chasser effect is problematic. Because of it, I am trying to masturbate only in situations when it's really unbearable. Because I feel it would prevent much worse scenarios later.
 

zaraki888

Active Member
Thanks Hablablos, I like the way you describe ''you need to accept you are a sexual person''

You might be right it is better to masturbate in unbearable situation, to prevent worse scenarios. I will keep this in mind when it happens to me, thanks!
 

Dareius

Member
Hey Zaraki,

delayed happy birthday wish to you my man :D !

When I sometimes read my posts I see alot of negativity in them, you on the other hand focus so much more on the positive. I really like that, what you think, you become, right ? Gonna work more on seeing the positive again.

As you read on my journal probably, finding your life purpose is key to overcoming the addiction. So if you got lost on that path abit try to find that lifevision again or as Mark Manson the writer of Models said in one of his posts - "What can I do with my time that is important". Reaching a certain amount of time is great because of all the benefits and such, but if you dont have the direction set in which you wanna go, than I dont think you can get rid of the addiction itself.

Gl on your journey,
Dareius
 
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