PF58
Active Member
I'm so sick of the binge and purge cycle?binging until I'm satiated and then making an empty promise to stop! It's like the decision to fast after you've eaten a 7 course meal and you're feeling bloated. Easy to do in the moment! The real test comes when you get hungry again.
I've let myself down again and again and again. I think the reason is that, while I may have given lip service to making recovery my #1 priority, I haven't really done it! I've also told myself, "This time will be different!" And a few day or a week later I'm wanking to porn once again.
This time I REALLY do want to do it differently and here's the difference. I'm going to get specific about what actions I plan on taking and what I plan on doing differently. In another post (in a separate thread) I talked about The 3 Circles and, given what's in my middle circle, I'm going to make these changes:
I'm going to start a Smart Recovery meeting
I moved here to Moab, UT from the SF Bay Area a couple of weeks ago. This is a small town although it has a huge influx of tourists because of two National Parks nearby. I've been thinking about starting a meeting for a couple of years and this time I'm committed to doing it and having the first meeting before my birthday which is in a couple of weeks. Leading the meeting is a surefire way to get me to show up every week!
I'm going to get to bed before midnight
Most of my acting out or indulging (as I prefer to call it) has happened late at night. It seems that my addict's strategy is to keep me at the computer until my defenses drop and I have a "fuck it" moment. This is a very familiar pattern!
I'm going to avoid surfing the web randomly
This is another way that I fool myself. I have a site that I've used which takes me to random sites. While I've discovered some interesting sites that way, if I use it long enough, it will take me to a site where I am triggered. And, somehow, I use this as justification for indulging!
I'm going to avoid following provocative stories from mainstream journalism onto YouTube
I've read printed news magazines and then gotten online to follow the news story but nowadays I read Time Magazine or The Week on my iPad. This makes it even easier to follow these stories by searching on Google. It occurs to me that to aid me in this way a media fast may be in order (at least for the first month). I'm going to give that some more thought and post about it later.
I'm going to get out in nature at least twice a week
I moved here to Moab because of the natural beauty of the place and getting out in nature is?as I see it?one of the two main antidotes to porn addiction. There other one is connecting with other people.
I'm going to go to an event at least once a week (where there's an opportunity to be social)
Because I don't know anyone here in town, I have to make some new friends. That's certainly not going to happen if I don't get out of my home. I don't have the benefit of steady work to make those connections so I have make an extra effort to put myself out there. Last weekend I spent volunteering at a local arts festival here. That was a good start.
I'm going to exercise at least 3x a week
Since I'm getting outside into nature at least twice a week, I'm going to be getting exercise there but I also want to get to the gym at least once a week (since I just joined).
I'm going to develop the habit of planning my days
This involves looking over my plan for the day the night before. For most people, their work life provides a lot of structure but I don't have a steady job. In fact, I'm not working at all right now and that makes planning my day more important. Without having a plan for the day I can find myself doing something which neither feeds my soul or moves me towards my goals.
I'm going to post on Reboot Nation every day this June (my first 30 days of sobriety)
I've also agree to chat online with an accountability partner I have in the Philippines.
Recently, I wrote my goals down and I've set up a timer on my iPhone to remind me to look at them three times a day. I've been doing this for a week. Yesterday I changed my number one goal to: My recovery is my number one priority. My goal is to be free of porn for the entire summer so on September 1st I will have 92 days.
I've let myself down again and again and again. I think the reason is that, while I may have given lip service to making recovery my #1 priority, I haven't really done it! I've also told myself, "This time will be different!" And a few day or a week later I'm wanking to porn once again.
This time I REALLY do want to do it differently and here's the difference. I'm going to get specific about what actions I plan on taking and what I plan on doing differently. In another post (in a separate thread) I talked about The 3 Circles and, given what's in my middle circle, I'm going to make these changes:
I'm going to start a Smart Recovery meeting
I moved here to Moab, UT from the SF Bay Area a couple of weeks ago. This is a small town although it has a huge influx of tourists because of two National Parks nearby. I've been thinking about starting a meeting for a couple of years and this time I'm committed to doing it and having the first meeting before my birthday which is in a couple of weeks. Leading the meeting is a surefire way to get me to show up every week!
I'm going to get to bed before midnight
Most of my acting out or indulging (as I prefer to call it) has happened late at night. It seems that my addict's strategy is to keep me at the computer until my defenses drop and I have a "fuck it" moment. This is a very familiar pattern!
I'm going to avoid surfing the web randomly
This is another way that I fool myself. I have a site that I've used which takes me to random sites. While I've discovered some interesting sites that way, if I use it long enough, it will take me to a site where I am triggered. And, somehow, I use this as justification for indulging!
I'm going to avoid following provocative stories from mainstream journalism onto YouTube
I've read printed news magazines and then gotten online to follow the news story but nowadays I read Time Magazine or The Week on my iPad. This makes it even easier to follow these stories by searching on Google. It occurs to me that to aid me in this way a media fast may be in order (at least for the first month). I'm going to give that some more thought and post about it later.
I'm going to get out in nature at least twice a week
I moved here to Moab because of the natural beauty of the place and getting out in nature is?as I see it?one of the two main antidotes to porn addiction. There other one is connecting with other people.
I'm going to go to an event at least once a week (where there's an opportunity to be social)
Because I don't know anyone here in town, I have to make some new friends. That's certainly not going to happen if I don't get out of my home. I don't have the benefit of steady work to make those connections so I have make an extra effort to put myself out there. Last weekend I spent volunteering at a local arts festival here. That was a good start.
I'm going to exercise at least 3x a week
Since I'm getting outside into nature at least twice a week, I'm going to be getting exercise there but I also want to get to the gym at least once a week (since I just joined).
I'm going to develop the habit of planning my days
This involves looking over my plan for the day the night before. For most people, their work life provides a lot of structure but I don't have a steady job. In fact, I'm not working at all right now and that makes planning my day more important. Without having a plan for the day I can find myself doing something which neither feeds my soul or moves me towards my goals.
I'm going to post on Reboot Nation every day this June (my first 30 days of sobriety)
I've also agree to chat online with an accountability partner I have in the Philippines.
Recently, I wrote my goals down and I've set up a timer on my iPhone to remind me to look at them three times a day. I've been doing this for a week. Yesterday I changed my number one goal to: My recovery is my number one priority. My goal is to be free of porn for the entire summer so on September 1st I will have 92 days.