Just realized I became a Porn-Addict!

[dontwannabeaddicted]

• 
  Hello everyone,
  I am a 24 year-old young woman suffering from porn-addiction. I found this forum through the suggestion of my boyfriend. From the things I have read in this forum, I realized we are not that different so I will tell my story in bullet points and ask for your opinions:
  • I was first exposed to porn when I was 12 years old (found some mysterious VCRs at home, turned out my parents' porn collection)
  • After getting a computer and internet, the number of views increased tremendously, especially after I was taught how to masturbate by a classmate, it got too intense.
  • I started to masturbate every other day, and watching porn became a daily activity, no matter where I am.
  • I kept my virginity till I was 18 and found "the right" guy to do it. It was super hard to wait tho...
  • We had a long relationship up to 5-6 years, and referring to the porns I have watched till then, the sex was "okay". Even though I became more demanding for hardcore sex, I kept it to myself, but I was dreaming of those bondage scenes, group sex parties etc. But my bf was totally fine with the one-time regular sex...
  • Not proud, but cheated on him couple of times just to check if sex with other guys could be like in porns which, in my opinion, can be fiction, not real, not something that I can find... For all those years, I didn't have a single orgasm. Sad.
  • Since I was planning to spend all my life with him, I was comforting myself with masturbation and pornpornporn.
  • But the more I watch, I stuck in my hardcore demand circle. After breakup, I fell in love with someone who f*cks like a machine, like in the porns, no soft feelings involved. It was so good but like a spark it ended pretty quick which pave the way for a year long depression. For a long time, didn't wanna have sex, watch porn or even thinking of it made me sick. 
  • Now, my problem is, my expectations from a guy / sex got too much higher that I can not be satisfied with real life sex actions. I always want more and usually sick things that you wouldn't see them in a healthy relationship. Because I think only those things could satify me.
  • At last, I wanna quit watching porn because I just realized that I can't spend only a day without it. Furthermore, I think these porn scenes really f*cks my brain...

 

[offaxis]

Hello,

I read your story and felt a lot of sadness and also connection with some parts, particularly your early childhood and first exposure to porn which is really common for many addicts.

Firstly, I think you have done a really brave thing in posting here and hope it's a starting step towards a better life for you where sex and porn does not dominate and diminish your life. It takes a lot of honesty and courage to stand up and want to change, so thank yourself for that.

It sounds like you're really uncomfortable about your escalating sexual behaviour. It made me sad to read as things progressed for you, you seemed to get or want more extreme but at the same time feeling less and less connected to real people, to the point where you even realise that huge gap.

All addiction is about escape at some level and avoiding confronting life. What are you trying to run from by using sex? You are still really young and have much life ahead of you. You can define who you are and the you want. I think your boyfriend is being genuinely helpful by pointing you here and enabling you to help yourself.

I hope you can reach out more to people both here and in real life, and be able to read a lot of the help material on yoyrbrainonporn and other sites, and put that into practice, looking at triggers, coping mechanisms and so on to help with recovery.

Good luck, please keep posting and be kind to yourself.

 

[RuntoSpirit]

Hi,

I am a 62 yr old male who just happened to read your open and honest appraisal of your situation.
I wanted to encourage you that as you press on in the reboot challenge you will indeed come to enjoy sex with a real parnter better than the feelings associated with porn.  It is all about the rewiring of the brain which is a physiological certainty.  The brain followed certain patterns of development in your becoming an addict and it will follow the patterns of rewiring as you stop the porn and porn related masturbation.  Most of us in this forum have similar themes in our history.  No one is here on a research project.
You are well on your way to good things.  I wish you the best as you learn, choose, and regroup.

 

[workingonit]

Hello!

Recovering addict here.  Your story is very familiar (although I lack a vagina).  You have a Doctorate in Porn and like any good study material it can be forgotten when you focus on other things.

My partner is amazing and sexually all a man could want - it is just that my mind was so full of different sex scenes that I thought -

a/. she must be cheating because doesn't everyone.
b/. How can I satisfy her because surely she wants a long hard fuck everytime.
c/. I am surely not big enough.
d/. She wants it more than I can satisfy her.

But in conclusion -

a/. Nope.  I must learn trust.
b/. Imagine a woman telling me that sometimes she is so emotional during that she would sooner cry than orgasm and that is just perfect.
c/. Compared to what? If we started comparing perfect fits it would take years to find the right partner.
d/. Except when she doesn't, like when she is feeling down, or tired, or stressed, or just busy, or (and this I no longer secretly enjoy) is happy to just cuddle.

I learnt it takes times to clear your mind of the porn images and ideals and finding other things to fill your mind with now is important.  Not just the gym, but interests which could be anything from philosophy to history to fiction to fantasy (to addiction recovery - see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY    Your Brain On Porn explains the addiction process and is a good antidote to just the porn side.


(Not chat magazines or soap operas that fill the mind with insecurity stories such as too fat, too thin, too normal, too this too that), the mens magazines are just the same.  Ripped abs in ten seconds, eat your way to bigger thumbs, gain ten pounds in 2 milliseconds by eating bricks.)

Just some ideas, I hope they helps. Sometimes you might want a good hard f*ck but other times I assure you, you will really love love making.  Look forward to it!