IMNOBODY's Journal

Anothertry

Active Member
Hello there,  Good to meet you!  Reading your journal reminds me that giving up P is a grieving process.  As you say: those images become our friends, and losing them, well, it's like losing your best friend.  Tough.

Maybe another way to think about it is like leaving an abusive relationship.  You know it's the right thing, you got burnt.  But you still miss your partner think about what they did and said - part of you wants to return....

I have had times in my life when I've managed to quit this stuff - for 2 years at one point, and times when I've really struggled.  One thing I've learned is that the key really is motivation.  If you want it enough you can do it.  I thught I'd share one thing I found useful in increasing my motivation when I was having struggles similar to yours was a very simple exercise.  Here's how you do it.

Take a piece of A4 paper.  Divide it into 4 sections.  In one section write all the things you love about P, and everything that you would get from continuing to watch it.  In the next, write everything bad - everything you lose, everything that sucks about continuing to watch P.  In the third section write everything bad about quitting.  Then in the fourth everything that would be good, that you would gain from quitting.  Then take a look at it.  Given all of that - the whole truth about this thing - do you want to quit?  If you've taken the time to consider the whole picture what you gain and what you lose, your decision to quit will become deeper.  Take a look at that sheet every day for a few weeks at least, and decide if you still want to quit.  This will deepen your decision too.  You can add to it as you think of more things.  If your decision is to quit, it will get deeper every time you make it.

I think that you will find that it will be easier to stay away from P if you do this - even if, of course, it will still be tough sometimes.  I also suspect the cravings will be less intense, the more committed to quitting you are.  Cravings are a bit like children.  If they think you'll give them what you want, they will shout and scream until you do.  Spoilt kids are like that, right?  But kids that know no means no, will go quiet a lot more quickly.

Hope some of that helps - take what does and leave the rest.

And well done on your four days!  It's important to celebrate every success, I find.  Beating yourself up will make you feel terrible - and therefore more likely to PMO to esape from painful feelings.  I reccommend keeping it positive and celebrating success rather than brooding too much on failure.  This is a difficult path - so very, very well done!

All the very best...

AT.
 

imnipper

Member
I'm STILL with you.  No shame and you did not fail.  This is long term.  It is no excuse for a reset but this is part of a long journey.

You hit a bump today.  Learn from it and when you see the next one coming, you can manage it better next time.

No more porn.

If it helps, I am not setting a PMO goal but have set an MO goal while I reboot.  I don't know that by day 21 I am going to want to pleasure myself or keep going for another 21 days (I will pleasure myself again) but 21 days without touching my dick seems manageable.  I know that having an end date is helping BUT porn will never be part of that pleasure again.

Reboot.  Stay strong!
 

IMNOBODY

Member
Thursday night was a very challenging night for a reboot. I was cleaning out my adult son old bedroom he had abandoned. It was a complete mess. Shit all over the place. While in the process I came across a half dozen or so of empty Trojan boxes. All the condom boxes were empty. I think each box held 12. A t least somebody is getting laid. Then I found his ex-girlfriend?s panties stuffed underneath his bed. Oh boy talk about a trigger effect.  WTF I said to myself. To top it off a female family member (one who I do not share any DNA with) was helping clean. She is a young almost 30 year old mom of 2 separated from her husband. She has one killer body and I have lusted and fantasized over her throughout the years. I am very ashamed about that and it is morally and ethically just plain fucked up to have those feelings.

Anyhow I don?t think we had more than a 3X3 foot section to work in, it was cluttered with crap. It was hot very hot this past Thursday night. I bet it was 100 degrees in that room. She wore a pair of white short, shorts and a loose tang top while we cleaned and organized. I was on my knees on the floor sorting through a box when all of sudden right in front she bent way,?.way over to grab something behind another box. She was standing while doing this. She was about a foot and a half away from my face. It all pretty much came out of her shorts. I could see it. The female anatomy is a major trigger and here it was starring me right in the face.

If I get any credit, I held it together and did watch any P or to PMO that night after we were done and she went on her way. I didn?t even M.  I got through the whole night not even getting a woody.
 

IMNOBODY

Member
It was now Friday the 15th and a whole new day with a fresh start. I was up early and out of the house early. It was a day filled with multiple stops from Tractor Supply to Walmart and finally to the grocery store. In other words it was pretty freaky and very challenging day for me. I live near a big college town along with a summer time vacation hot spot.  I could not go to any one of the stores without seeing exposed flesh, legs, cleavage, see through sun dresses, girls bending over to grab a product off the bottom shelve while exposing themselves a bit, whale tails, bra less women, etc, etc??  I?m doomed, I have no control, way too many triggers in my life.  Why should I even try anymore? My life is a complete and utter waste of time.

Sure as shit as soon as I got home, the laptop was opened and away I went. But due to other commitments the sessions was cut short, but I still got off. I?m pathetic a weak little man with no self-control.

The problem is I have been like this my whole entire life way before the internet days. As soon as I hit the age of 12 everything was sex, sex, and more sex.
 

Kurall_Creator

Active Member
Hey IM,

Don't get discouraged. In my first year, I had lots of relapses. The first two weeks are hard, very hard. Your brain has been use to the constant flow of dopamine for so long, and now it will do anything to get you in the same pit over and over again.

But what I want you to think is this - the wright brothers took several times to perfect their first air plane with powered flight. They started in 1899, and had their first success in 1903.

You may fail in your first few attempts, but don't give up. You will get it right.
 

Anothertry

Active Member
Hey IM,

I believe you can do this.  One thing I've been saying more and more to people is the key is wanting it enough.  You need to be really, truly sick of P and want it out of your life to stop.  You need to feel that in your heart and guts - and not just see it sometimes.  You need to think that it's worth it, even when feeling intense cravings after seeing some cute girls in the summer in the street.  Dealing with those cravings is tough.  But if you feel in your heart of hearts it's worth giving up P, you won't give in to them.  And my experience has shown me something else as well.  If I am really, truly, sure I want to quit the cravings actually get less intense.  The reason is that I am less likely to torture myself with them.  I just go 'oh cravings, that's a bitch.  No point focusing on them though, as I know there's no way I'm giving in'.  I find when that's my attitude they stay around for a lot less time.

You can't remove all the triggers from the world.  But you can spend time thinking about why you want to give up P, and even thinking about what you will miss, and finding the willingness to feel the pain and grief of not getting those things, because it's worth it.  I think of it as a bit like coming out of an abusive relationship.  You got burned, and you know you need to leave, but there were good times, and sometimes you miss that person...you start thinking about them get tempted to go back.

But if you think about the whole relationship, how abusive it got, really take your time to see the thing in it's entirety, you won't go back.  No matte how much you miss it, how much you long for that person, you will find the strength to carry on.

Hope some of that helps!
 

imnipper

Member
Kurall_Creator said:
Hey IM,

Don't get discouraged. In my first year, I had lots of relapses. The first two weeks are hard, very hard. Your brain has been use to the constant flow of dopamine for so long, and now it will do anything to get you in the same pit over and over again.

But what I want you to think is this - the wright brothers took several times to perfect their first air plane with powered flight. They started in 1899, and had their first success in 1903.

You may fail in your first few attempts, but don't give up. You will get it right.

It sounds like you and I are at a very similar place on this journey.  This post helps.  Looks like he figured it out after failing a few times.

I'm inspired and our counters are on the same day.....let's do this!
 

RuntoSpirit

Active Member
Hi IM,

You are in a place where many of us have been.  The specifics are different, but the same sense of powerlessness and lack of conrol.  Many have come thorugh it and you will too.  I echo the counsel of others here that you are not to be discouraged.  Your brain will rewire are you abstain from PMO.  We tend to focus on our failures but you have had successes too.  With each success you step closer to freedom, and even before you get freedom you will grow in control so that you can deal with urges.  Your brain has had this avenue for a long time, but it is a biological reality that it can be restructured. 

Let the failure teach you something.  What were you thinking about just before you MO?  What could you have told yourself differently?  Did you tell yourself that you had to have the O?  Were you discouraged?  (IF so then look at your level of discouragement after you MO'd.    DOn't tell yourself you are bound to fail.  The fact is that you have already had some successes so you are NOT bound to fail.  YOu may fail and if you do you can start over, but you will grow in strength at resisting the urges.  YOu will seee that the promised reward of PMO is not as great as it promises.   
I ask these questions so that you can have more space in future temptations. 
We are all with you on this forum.  We know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
 

Anothertry

Active Member
Yeah I agree with the post above, it is very early days for you so don't beat yourself up too much.  Sounds like you did brilliantly not giving in to a very triggering situation on Thursday!

It is worth reflecting on how the way you think affects P use.  If you think, 'I'm weak and pathetic and can't stop', well that will become true, because you'll then think, 'I might as well give in to the cravinngs now, because as a weak and pathetic person I know I can't do this, ultimately.  Why prolong the agony?'  Self-fulfilling prophecy!

If instead you reflect on your achievments, how, before you decided to give up P, you probably would not have even made it through Thursday night - well that's alot more encouraging.  You can build on that!  Each time you give in to a craving, think about what led to that - when did the cravings start to build?  What was happening then?  What thoughts and feelings were present?  And what was the snapping point - the event, thought or feeling that finally led you to give in.  You can think of strategies to get through a similar situation next time.

Also I just found myself reflecting on how a lot of us P addicts have a kind of reverse arrogance.  What do I mean by that? Well, if I told you that I was the greatest man in the world, of excellent moral character, brave, intelligent, the best, most sensitive, most passionate lover, and in addition that my every opinion turned out, without fail to be correct, you wouldn't believe me would you?  You would think I was very arrogant.

However, many P addicts think they are the worst addict ever.  No one has been so depraved.  No one else has looked at the same stuff they have either, or in quite the same way.  And their thing must be much more addictive than every other P addicts thing.  No one else can have had such strong cravings.  No one else can have been quite so weak-willed at dealing with them.  Whilst recovery was possible for others, it's not for them, because of these things.

Can you see how this sort of belief is just as much about being different from others as the arrogant beliefs I articulated above?  And just as unlikely to be true.  As I said it's a kind of reverse arrogance, a negative arrogance.

So don't fall into that!  Loads of different people have recovered from this thing.  So you can too!

Hope that helps,

AT
 

RuntoSpirit

Active Member
You say that you are weak with no self-control, yet you have shown self control in the past. The fact is you relapsed.  You failed to exercise self-control that you did have.  I could say more, but "Anothertry's comment is most insightful.  I second his observatgions.  Wish I had thought of them.
Cheers to you.
 

imnipper

Member
Just thinking about you and I noticed your counter.  We are both struggling but I wanted to share something that has been helping me:  it has been over 20 years that PMO has been a daily part of my life and it has been less than 2 months that I started rebooting.  It is not an excuse or a way to bargain one more stream but it is equally important that we acknowledge the gravity of this fight with the commitment to fight it HARD CORE.  We've got this if we want it (and I want it).
 
Top